Friend picked expensive bday venue; what to contribute

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why are you paying for your friends? Usually with this type of thing, we all split the bill - with the exception that the birthday girl doesn't contribute and has her meal paid for by the others.

That's the literal problem, the other two are both "birthday girls".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are you paying for your friends? Usually with this type of thing, we all split the bill - with the exception that the birthday girl doesn't contribute and has her meal paid for by the others.

That's the literal problem, the other two are both "birthday girls".

Agh! I read this wrong, thank you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just bring it up now. You cannot afford to pay for all three of you. I cannot imagine they would be hurt by this if they are good friends.

+1 I would clear the air before you attend and bring gifts for the girls that you can afford.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just bring it up now. You cannot afford to pay for all three of you. I cannot imagine they would be hurt by this if they are good friends.

+1

In my friend group we usually cover the birthday person but I couldn’t imagine expecting one person to cover three people at an expensive venue. In fact, if I, as a birthday girl, chose an expensive venue I would be hosting and paying for everyone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are you paying for your friends? Usually with this type of thing, we all split the bill - with the exception that the birthday girl doesn't contribute and has her meal paid for by the others.

That's the literal problem, the other two are both "birthday girls".

But that means everyone should be contributing, not just OP.

One birthday girl should at least be splitting the cost of the other birthday girl with OP.

[Anonymous]

I definitely think the other two friends made up some bogus excuse once they realized how expensive the venue is.

I'd bring it up before the meal. I actually had a former friend who'd pick nice restaurants for her birthday and fully expect others to cover everything. But your birthday friends have to realize how ridiculous the setup is. If they're truly friends, they'd not expect you to pay for them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You need to tell them. "Hey Girls! I had some unforeseen expenses this month and in doing my budget realized I can't afford to eat at Squat-n-Gobble to celebrate your birthdays, let alone treat you two (although you deserve the world and I'd love to treat you to a Hawaiian vacation with men fanning you with palm fronds and baths with flower petals).

Do you two want to celebrate just the two of you, since I know you have your heart set on Squat-N-Gobble? Let me know! Love, Poor Paula"

Use this word for word OP!!!

[Anonymous]

I’d seriously be rethinking my friendships if anyone I knew pulled something like this. Speak up, OP!

[Anonymous]

I would tell your friends sooner rather than later -- in case reservations need to be changed. You had no choice in picking the restaurant or the change in the number of people. If you feel comfortable paying for yourself, as others have said, let your friends know that it's not in your budget, but you're happy to join them to celebrate. You might also offer an alternative -- saying that you'd love to celebrate with them and treat them to a meal, but, after having the chance to see the menu, this is not in your budget. Suggest that you bow out of this particular celebration - which you know the've been looking forward to, but would love to host them both for brunch soon at a restaurant that you can suggest.

I would hope that whoever chose the restaurant would offer to treat everyone. If they don't, they can surely get that your initial agreement was not to be the only person picking up the bill for the whole group. I think the key here is to offer alternative celebration options while totally supporting their wish to also celebrate at the restaurant at least one of them chose. It's possible that one of them is planning to pick up the check -- but hasn't thought to mention it beforehand, because they haven't realize that in choosing the restaurant, they've become the host. And, of course, if all five people were attending, as originally planned, this wouldn't be a concern.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If the birthday people chose this venue, they should be paying for you. I never expect friends to pay for my birthday meal.

+1. I can understand when 10 people go out to celebrate a birthday and split the bill among 9 people so the birthday person does not pay, I could accept that as a gift from the other 9. but in a situation where there are three people and two are the birthday people and the venue is expensive, it is beyond ridiculous that you are expected to pay by yourself not one but two entire meals (not counting yours). I am sure your friends are thinking about splitting among 3 people. if they chose the venue and are expecting you to pay, I would seriously reconsider the friendship. in that case you are entitled to simply say no thank you i cannot afford it, or just make up an excuse

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My group of 5 college friends is meeting next weekend for two of the friend's bdays. They decided they want to meet outdoors at a rather expensive place with a fixed-price menu. Two people cannot make it, but I can -- meaning it's me and the two birthday friends. I have looked at the menu, and truly, it is not in my budget right now to float the group. I agreed on the spot when they brought it up two weeks ago, but now, looking ahead, it will stretch me to pay for everyone's meal. Would it be rude to bring a small gift (flowers, something smaller and personal) and then everyone pays her own share? I have had some unforeseen expenses this month. I know they have their heart set o this spot, so I do not want to be a kill joy, so I am hoping it's not out of line to go dutch...ideas??

Likely the two people couldn't afford it either and dropped out. Drop out as well. Don't be the sucker.

I thought this too. The bday friends should have foreseen this and either offered to pay their own way or picked a different venue.

[Anonymous]

Speaking as someone who bailed on attending a b'day event at a restaurant, I would suggest you cancel your appearance. I don't like spending money unneccessarily and it's worse if I'm expected to treat other people. Maybe I'm a Scrooge but I'm not a sucker. Don't go OP!

[Anonymous]

I don't think they would even think to make you pay in this scenario- it would just be awkward, wouldn't it?

[Anonymous]

So, only 3 of you are meeting, not 5.

Let them know now you can only afford to pay for yourself now

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't think they would even think to make you pay in this scenario- it would just be awkward, wouldn't it?

They most likely pick the expensive place because they would only go there is someone else was paying.