Friend picked expensive bday venue; what to contribute

[Anonymous]

My group of 5 college friends is meeting next weekend for two of the friend's bdays. They decided they want to meet outdoors at a rather expensive place with a fixed-price menu. Two people cannot make it, but I can -- meaning it's me and the two birthday friends. I have looked at the menu, and truly, it is not in my budget right now to float the group. I agreed on the spot when they brought it up two weeks ago, but now, looking ahead, it will stretch me to pay for everyone's meal. Would it be rude to bring a small gift (flowers, something smaller and personal) and then everyone pays her own share? I have had some unforeseen expenses this month. I know they have their heart set o this spot, so I do not want to be a kill joy, so I am hoping it's not out of line to go dutch...ideas??

[Anonymous]

If the birthday people chose this venue, they should be paying for you. I never expect friends to pay for my birthday meal.

[Anonymous]

You need to tell them. "Hey Girls! I had some unforeseen expenses this month and in doing my budget realized I can't afford to eat at Squat-n-Gobble to celebrate your birthdays, let alone treat you two (although you deserve the world and I'd love to treat you to a Hawaiian vacation with men fanning you with palm fronds and baths with flower petals).

Do you two want to celebrate just the two of you, since I know you have your heart set on Squat-N-Gobble? Let me know! Love, Poor Paula"

[Anonymous]

just tell them you cant afford to treat them to dinner even though you would like to.

I would be surprised if they are expecting you to pay if they chose the spot and it is expensive.

If the situation just becomes impossible just tell a white lie and don't go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:just tell them you cant afford to treat them to dinner even though you would like to.

I would be surprised if they are expecting you to pay if they chose the spot and it is expensive.

If the situation just becomes impossible just tell a white lie and don't go.

This. Bring each a small present.

[Anonymous]

Just bring it up now. You cannot afford to pay for all three of you. I cannot imagine they would be hurt by this if they are good friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You need to tell them. "Hey Girls! I had some unforeseen expenses this month and in doing my budget realized I can't afford to eat at Squat-n-Gobble to celebrate your birthdays, let alone treat you two (although you deserve the world and I'd love to treat you to a Hawaiian vacation with men fanning you with palm fronds and baths with flower petals).

Do you two want to celebrate just the two of you, since I know you have your heart set on Squat-N-Gobble? Let me know! Love, Poor Paula"

This is too much. You don't have to be this over the top when you explain it.

[Anonymous]

Offer to pay for a bottle of bubbly at the restaurant. On top of that, everyone pays for their own meal.

[Anonymous]

You didn't invite them, so unless it's understood as part of your group's code that no one pays on their birthday, you don't need to worry.

If it *is* a group understanding that people don't pay on their birthday, just send a note saying you can't wait to see them to celebrate, but your budget can't accommodate treating right now so you need to go dutch.

Unless they were trying to fleece you for an extravagant meal, they're totally going to be ok with this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Offer to pay for a bottle of bubbly at the restaurant. On top of that, everyone pays for their own meal.

This, or a small gift. I doubt they'd be expecting you to pay, especially with a 2:1 ratio at an expensive venue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If the birthday people chose this venue, they should be paying for you. I never expect friends to pay for my birthday meal.

This. Host pays.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My group of 5 college friends is meeting next weekend for two of the friend's bdays. They decided they want to meet outdoors at a rather expensive place with a fixed-price menu. Two people cannot make it, but I can -- meaning it's me and the two birthday friends. I have looked at the menu, and truly, it is not in my budget right now to float the group. I agreed on the spot when they brought it up two weeks ago, but now, looking ahead, it will stretch me to pay for everyone's meal. Would it be rude to bring a small gift (flowers, something smaller and personal) and then everyone pays her own share? I have had some unforeseen expenses this month. I know they have their heart set o this spot, so I do not want to be a kill joy, so I am hoping it's not out of line to go dutch...ideas??

Likely the two people couldn't afford it either and dropped out. Drop out as well. Don't be the sucker.

[Anonymous]

Why are you paying for your friends? Usually with this type of thing, we all split the bill - with the exception that the birthday girl doesn't contribute and has her meal paid for by the others.

[Anonymous]

I woujj oooh d just make up an excuse not to go, it’s completely obnoxious to pick an expensive place.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why are you paying for your friends? Usually with this type of thing, we all split the bill - with the exception that the birthday girl doesn't contribute and has her meal paid for by the others.

Except OP is the only non-bday girl. So, using that system OP would pay for it all.