Consequences for 11-year old constantly lying about exceeding screen time limits

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you asked me about my screen time, there is no way in hell I could accurately answer without looking it up.

OP this could be the reason for the second lie (said he was playing for 15 min rather than 1+ hr).

[Anonymous]

OP..

1. You gave your child equivalent of crack and you are asking him to "self regulate himself".

2. If it were that easy this would not be a post every week or so..

3. If you think it is tough now, give it few more years...

Seen this?...

https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/959611.page

[Anonymous]

OP .. you are asking too much. It is developmentally impossible. It is like you would let a toddler alone to the toy store and said, come back to me in 15 minutes. Yeah.. right..

Let go this time and do improve the system. Set the device to turn off by itself, you can do it on any phone or Ipad. Password protected.


Kids this age can not self control when presented with temptation of that magnitude.

You can try and buy them a visual timer so they can see how much time they have so they can strategize..

a leering timer.. it has visual clue and kid clearly knows how much time is left.. it is a kind of motivator.




or one of those.. if more then 1 hour needed
https://m.media-amazon.com/images/I/61tOMYYYNOL._AC_SL1389_.jpg
https://www.amazon.com/DRETEC-digital-timer-time-T-587PK/dp/B07ZND82H9/ref=sr_1_6?dchild=1&keywords=learning%2Btimer&qid=1616559324&sr=8-6&th=1

[Anonymous]

OP, wasn't that your kid just few years ago? When you were happy he is so tech savy?


"it is good for their brain.. they said..

[Anonymous]

Concentrate on the unwanted behavior (screen use) and forget about the lying. All kids lie. As others have said, don't set him up to lie. Of course he's going to minimize if you set him up to do so.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:11-year old DS has begun lying about exceeding screen time limits.

We can trace how much time he spends on screen, but he lies about it anyway, even knowing he can be caught.

I’m heartbroken, as he’s been a pretty truthful child until screen time battles began this year.

DH and I have agreed that DS’s computer and iPad is off limits for the next week except for DL.

Any ideas on appropriate consequences and how he can get back the honest kid we used to have?

I think you are overblowing this. Haven't you ever lied to get out of getting into trouble? You know how much he spends on screen. Why ask him gotcha questions? Just find a way to limit him and state it matter of fact, I've noticed you spent X amount of time over what we agreed on so here are the consequences. Or you could loosen up your rules because of Covid. Why be so hard when everyone is just trying to get through this?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you asked me about my screen time, there is no way in hell I could accurately answer without looking it up.

every single week apple will send you a notification on how much you used your phone that week.

[Anonymous]

hahha so true

Anonymous wrote:OP, wasn't that your kid just few years ago? When you were happy he is so tech savy?


"it is good for their brain.. they said..

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP put his electronics on a timer. They will shut off automatically. Ie no access to internet between say 6pm to 4pm next day.

We did, my kids hated it. But no fights no lies. Dad software guy.

PP, could you share how you put the electronics on a timer? Or, those who mentioned that they were able to time out a device from their internet connection, could you explain how you did that?

As for those who think I am being "overdramatic," it is a change to go from having a scrupulously honest kid to one who lies. I won't go into examples, but up until very recently, DS was very a scrupulously honest kid. When he first started lying about video games, we had lots of "corny" talks about trust and what lies to do relationships. Obviously, it's not sinking it as yet.

He is changing. He's becoming a tween and pushing limits. I'm just sad that it includes lying and creates a situation where DH and I have to do more disciplining.

We're not so upset that he slipped up on the video games, and BTW, he knew exactly how much time he'd gone over by, it wasn't an issue of his not being aware of the time.

We're disappointed that he lied about it, and kept on lying.

Ok, so you didn’t like how people responded to your original post (and yes, you need to chill out with the use of the word heartbroken) so you then decide to come back and introduce other reasons why you’re right? Take your lumps, everyone here is saying this is your fault, stop failing your child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's an addiction. Scientifically proven.

I'd say that every time he lies, he goes a month without screen time. To break the habit.

But honestly, an 11 year old should be reading books most of the time.

Yes to the first 2 points. I don't think the last one is reasonable.

But he can't help it OP. Screens are made to be addictive and he is acting like an addict. Cold turkey or HIGHLY managed access from you.

Never leave a device alone in the room with him. He can't say no. Think of it like a tray of donuts and a 3 year old. It's not a will power or obedience issue.

[Anonymous]

Don't set your kid up to lie to you. You set them up. They lie. You get mad/disappointed.

Kids lie. Sometimes it's a lie of omission (he doesn't know for sure he exceeded it), sometimes it's a lie of deceit. Either way you need to change the game.

If you have screen limits, use your WiFi app to set those limits. If you have a bedtime, even though he hasn't exceeded his screen time, set it up so his devices are disabled at the bed time. Parent better. Don't test them to see if they will lie, they will.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP put his electronics on a timer. They will shut off automatically. Ie no access to internet between say 6pm to 4pm next day.

We did, my kids hated it. But no fights no lies. Dad software guy.

PP, could you share how you put the electronics on a timer? Or, those who mentioned that they were able to time out a device from their internet connection, could you explain how you did that?

As for those who think I am being "overdramatic," it is a change to go from having a scrupulously honest kid to one who lies. I won't go into examples, but up until very recently, DS was very a scrupulously honest kid. When he first started lying about video games, we had lots of "corny" talks about trust and what lies to do relationships. Obviously, it's not sinking it as yet.

He is changing. He's becoming a tween and pushing limits. I'm just sad that it includes lying and creates a situation where DH and I have to do more disciplining.

We're not so upset that he slipped up on the video games, and BTW, he knew exactly how much time he'd gone over by, it wasn't an issue of his not being aware of the time.

We're disappointed that he lied about it, and kept on lying.

Ok, so you didn’t like how people responded to your original post (and yes, you need to chill out with the use of the word heartbroken) so you then decide to come back and introduce other reasons why you’re right? Take your lumps, everyone here is saying this is your fault, stop failing your child.

NP. PP, did anyone ever tell you you're kind of a jerk? Not everyone is saying it's OP's fault or that she's failing him.

It's the age, and she is clearly transitioning into parenting a tween who is more likely to test more limits.

Mean moms like you suck. You're bent on pulling other moms down, not being helpful. Parenting is a hard job. I hope the next time you're experiencing a challenge, you get more compassion than you're giving.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP put his electronics on a timer. They will shut off automatically. Ie no access to internet between say 6pm to 4pm next day.

We did, my kids hated it. But no fights no lies. Dad software guy.

PP, could you share how you put the electronics on a timer? Or, those who mentioned that they were able to time out a device from their internet connection, could you explain how you did that?

As for those who think I am being "overdramatic," it is a change to go from having a scrupulously honest kid to one who lies. I won't go into examples, but up until very recently, DS was very a scrupulously honest kid. When he first started lying about video games, we had lots of "corny" talks about trust and what lies to do relationships. Obviously, it's not sinking it as yet.

He is changing. He's becoming a tween and pushing limits. I'm just sad that it includes lying and creates a situation where DH and I have to do more disciplining.

We're not so upset that he slipped up on the video games, and BTW, he knew exactly how much time he'd gone over by, it wasn't an issue of his not being aware of the time.

We're disappointed that he lied about it, and kept on lying.

Ok, so you didn’t like how people responded to your original post (and yes, you need to chill out with the use of the word heartbroken) so you then decide to come back and introduce other reasons why you’re right? Take your lumps, everyone here is saying this is your fault, stop failing your child.

NP. PP, did anyone ever tell you you're kind of a jerk? Not everyone is saying it's OP's fault or that she's failing him.

It's the age, and she is clearly transitioning into parenting a tween who is more likely to test more limits.

Mean moms like you suck. You're bent on pulling other moms down, not being helpful. Parenting is a hard job. I hope the next time you're experiencing a challenge, you get more compassion than you're giving.

Many posters are saying that she is setting up the child to fail, it’s not just me. She is poorly parenting in this situation. Don’t hand your kid a stick of dynamite and a lighter and then kvetch when something blows up and blame the kid!

It’s also pretty lame to post something, get responses that you don’t like, then come back and insist that we’re all wrong for responding to the facts that were in the original post. Either include everything from the jump so people can make full assessment from the jump, OR post, but don’t get mad and try to justify/backpedal by throwing in things that may have changed the original assessment. If you can’t take the heat, get out of the kitchen.

You’re also no better than the rest of us for telling people they suck, so get off your high horse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP put his electronics on a timer. They will shut off automatically. Ie no access to internet between say 6pm to 4pm next day.

We did, my kids hated it. But no fights no lies. Dad software guy.

PP, could you share how you put the electronics on a timer? Or, those who mentioned that they were able to time out a device from their internet connection, could you explain how you did that?

As for those who think I am being "overdramatic," it is a change to go from having a scrupulously honest kid to one who lies. I won't go into examples, but up until very recently, DS was very a scrupulously honest kid. When he first started lying about video games, we had lots of "corny" talks about trust and what lies to do relationships. Obviously, it's not sinking it as yet.

He is changing. He's becoming a tween and pushing limits. I'm just sad that it includes lying and creates a situation where DH and I have to do more disciplining.

We're not so upset that he slipped up on the video games, and BTW, he knew exactly how much time he'd gone over by, it wasn't an issue of his not being aware of the time.

We're disappointed that he lied about it, and kept on lying.

Ok, so you didn’t like how people responded to your original post (and yes, you need to chill out with the use of the word heartbroken) so you then decide to come back and introduce other reasons why you’re right? Take your lumps, everyone here is saying this is your fault, stop failing your child.

NP. PP, did anyone ever tell you you're kind of a jerk? Not everyone is saying it's OP's fault or that she's failing him.

It's the age, and she is clearly transitioning into parenting a tween who is more likely to test more limits.

Mean moms like you suck. You're bent on pulling other moms down, not being helpful. Parenting is a hard job. I hope the next time you're experiencing a challenge, you get more compassion than you're giving.

Many posters are saying that she is setting up the child to fail, it’s not just me. She is poorly parenting in this situation. Don’t hand your kid a stick of dynamite and a lighter and then kvetch when something blows up and blame the kid!

It’s also pretty lame to post something, get responses that you don’t like, then come back and insist that we’re all wrong for responding to the facts that were in the original post. Either include everything from the jump so people can make full assessment from the jump, OR post, but don’t get mad and try to justify/backpedal by throwing in things that may have changed the original assessment. If you can’t take the heat, get out of the kitchen.

You’re also no better than the rest of us for telling people they suck, so get off your high horse.

Well, there *is* a difference between telling a jerk that they're a jerk, and being a jerk in the first place.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are you setting him up to lie by asking when you already know the answer?

Personally, I would just properly manage the available screen time on his devices, boom done.

Not OP but I don't believe the setting him up to lie approach. That puts the blame on the wrong person. I expect my kids to be truthful.