What is your relationship with parents if they regularly gift you money?

[Anonymous]

I think my mother would say it's no strings, but she would give a generous birthday check with a guilt trip. I am a big saver and investor, but finally had to say if this comes with a guilt trip I don't want it. I will always thank you for gifts and show gratitude, but I don't want to be made to feel lousy and worthless because I accept it.

We didn't have a wedding for many reasons. My mother offered a certain amount to furnish our home-quite generous I thought. However she had to be involved in every purchase and I had to get her at the right time and she wanted to see the items in person. I ended up spending only a fraction of what was offered because it was never given outright and I didn't have the energy for a guilt trip each time and her input.

I helped my parents a lot as they aged because I truly cared, but the demands kept increasing and they were getting ruder about it. I set boundaries and all hell broke lose. I never heard the end of the fact we could inherit a lot and what an ungrateful bitch I was. Keep in mind there were barely any expectations for siblings who didn't live in the area. Mom finally decided she would give us some money in the end, but the rest goes toward donations toward rich people causes-nothing that helps society, just things that get her name put on things. Once she decided that she stopped being so angry and hostile and she was appreciative of what I was willing to do. She didn't feel quite so entitled and she stopped acting like the queen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The relationship is great. We receive large sums of money from several relatives- parents, aunt, uncle, grandparents. It is understood we help the next generation out in our turn. We say thank you of course and there are zero strings attached. Primary and college is also provided for. We are very very fortunate and we know it.

+1.

[Anonymous]

We get around 80K/ year from my parents, no strings attached. They have more than enough and it makes them happy to be able to do this for us. We use the money for kids school/home improvements/savings, etc. They were very frugal while I was growing up and while I knew we were well off, I had no idea we were this well off. My dad often says 'you can't take it with you.' They also give cash gifts to other family members, and charities. It is a tax benefit as it is a way to pass tax-free inheritance (can't remember exact amount, maybe 16kpp) to their children.

[Anonymous]

I wish that my wealthy inlaws would regularly give us money. My DH does not because he thinks they would judge what we spend it on (I think, so what?) But it doesn't matter because they have never offered and are not going to. If they invite us to meet them out for ice cream, we go dutch.

My parents aren't wealthy at all.

[Anonymous]

Yes, my parents do this with me and my sibling regularly (and equally). They have always done this, we are all very close, they don't hold it over our heads, and my sibling and I are not lazy deadbeats (i.e. we have careers and families of our own, etc). We are very grateful.

[Anonymous]

DH and I already feel strings attached to our parents (who are wonderful and loving). If they wanted to give us money too, that would be a boon! Both sides have said they plan on spending it all on themselves though, as is their right.

My grandparents gave us money when I was growing up. 5k a year (there were 12 of us grandchildren!) and it was so helpful! 5k is a ton of money when you're 19. My other set of grandparents gives 529 money to my kids yearly (her great grandchildren).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH's parents gift cash and other resources to DH's siblings but not to him. The biggest string is remaining tethered to the family's hometown. The siblings all live locally while DH moved away decades ago. Siblings occasionally complain about parents being overbearing or interfering in their personal lives. They don't seem to notice or acknowledge that having their lives underwritten comes with a price.

Same here. My own parents are not wealthy so cannot gift. My in-laws have money and they gift to DH’s siblings or their kids for things like college tuition, vacations, orthodontia, summer camps, child care, etc. These siblings are not well-off. We, on the other hand, are very well-off and they see us as not needing anything. It’s true, we have abundant financial wealth, but would have appreciated some closeness. Everyone lives close to each other, and the siblings and in-laws hang out together, but we are not included.

[Anonymous]

The earlier poster noted it’s about tax strategy really as far as I understand It. My parents generally give their kids whatever is allowed by the IRS each year and each grandkid gets at birth the 5 year gift in the 529. We are a really close family- group text chats, family vacations, have a family business. Super close. I consider myself so lucky. (FWIW it drives my husband crazy).

[Anonymous]

Lots of monetary gifts and no strings attached. We are very lucky. My 0arents saved by being frugal. I also had a very happy childhood.