What is your relationship with parents if they regularly gift you money?

[Anonymous]

I keep reading posts about parents gifting their adult children large sums of money every year. I'm very curious what those relationships are like.

I can see my parents doing this and things being fine with us, as they have always been supportive and generous with whatever they have. Which is probably why they aren't in a position to gift anything. LOL.

DH's mother is a widow and has large sums saved and has offered money or to buy expensive things for us from time to time. DH always adamantly declines, and I wholeheartedly support him. Knowing MIL, there is no way any sort of financial gift would come without strings attached.

So if you are lucky enough to be this position, what is your relationship with your parents? Does the money affect the relationship, negative or positive?

[Anonymous]

Both DH and I are very close to both sets of parents. The money doesn't impact our relationship -- possibly helps that we really don't need it/never have asked for any assistance and all siblings are treated equally.

And at least in the case of my parents, I know their parents did the same for them (i.e., gifted them at least $15k every year) so it was the norm for them.

They definitely don't hold it over our head in any way.

[Anonymous]

My grandmother did this with my parents. I think it was a negative as it was a golden handcuff. She was a pretty miserable person. So, they maybe felt like they couldn’t cut her off. She was very mean to my mom especially. She was my dad’s mom. She thought that my mom’s family was WT (valid) and made it well known. I was pretty shocked when my mom took on her care basically 8 hours a day, after working 11pm-7am, when she got cancer and eventually died because my grandmother wanted to stay at home. I would not have done it. My mom is a better person than I am.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My grandmother did this with my parents. I think it was a negative as it was a golden handcuff. She was a pretty miserable person. So, they maybe felt like they couldn’t cut her off. She was very mean to my mom especially. She was my dad’s mom. She thought that my mom’s family was WT (valid) and made it well known. I was pretty shocked when my mom took on her care basically 8 hours a day, after working 11pm-7am, when she got cancer and eventually died because my grandmother wanted to stay at home. I would not have done it. My mom is a better person than I am.

You can’t accept money with the strings attached. Your mom upheld her end of the bargain.

[Anonymous]

The relationship is great. We receive large sums of money from several relatives- parents, aunt, uncle, grandparents. It is understood we help the next generation out in our turn. We say thank you of course and there are zero strings attached. Primary and college is also provided for. We are very very fortunate and we know it.

[Anonymous]

My parents did this, all siblings equally. There were no strings attached, and we all had good relationships with them.

Bottom line is that my parents were frugal, and had modest amounts of money that were helpful to us when we were trying to buy first homes, rather than waiting until after they were gone.

We were all very appreciative.

[Anonymous]

My mother gifts tuition money for my children. My father opposes this and is abusive, so we do not see them anymore. I call her once in a while to show support. That is all that I can do.

[Anonymous]

My FIL is like this. My MIL got very ill 5 years ago and died fairly recently, and since she's been ill, I think FIL has realized that he is sitting on a bunch of money for no reason. He's the cheapest man alive and basically has been saving (I would say almost hoarding!) money his whole live, so his cost of living is next to nothing and he has all this money in the bank. So, he started writing each of his kids a $15k check every Christmas. It's not 100% reliable though - one year I think he just straight up forgot.

We like to be self reliant, so we generally spend it on like one thing we want (a piece of furniture or part of a trip), bulk up our emergency fund if we had any unexpected expenses that year (we had a few 4-figure vet years in there), and then donate the rest (75%ish)

I would say it doesn't impact our relationship at all.

[Anonymous]

It is complicated.

Strings if I take the gifts, strings if I don't.

When I decided not to cut myself off, I decided to put up with some of that unpleasantness.

[Anonymous]

My mom provides monetary gifts. She realizes that she has more than she needs for the rest of her life and has decided she's rather see us and her grandchildren enjoy it now than have it pass by inheritance after she is gone.

She's done gifts of various sizes but treats children equally and grandchildren equally. No strings attached.

[Anonymous]

I have to say, I'm really envious of all of you who have generous parents. My mother (who is very comfortably middle class-she's retired and owns her house out right, takes nice vacations a few times per year with my stepfather, etc) is pathologically stingy. My husband and I didn't even get a gift when we bought our first house (not even $50). I borrowed $3 from her once to buy some bottled water and a snack-I forgot to pay her back and she made a point of asking for the money. I see her about once every few months and when we go out for an inexpensive meal she never offers to treat. Honestly, it doesn't make me feel very inclined to be generous with her. My husband and I are also middle class-we can afford to pay our own way and I don't expect money from her but it would be nice for her to treat for Chipotle every now and then.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The relationship is great. We receive large sums of money from several relatives- parents, aunt, uncle, grandparents. It is understood we help the next generation out in our turn. We say thank you of course and there are zero strings attached. Primary and college is also provided for. We are very very fortunate and we know it.

+1 For our family, it's about intergenerational wealth transfer and helping future generations.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have to say, I'm really envious of all of you who have generous parents. My mother (who is very comfortably middle class-she's retired and owns her house out right, takes nice vacations a few times per year with my stepfather, etc) is pathologically stingy. My husband and I didn't even get a gift when we bought our first house (not even $50). I borrowed $3 from her once to buy some bottled water and a snack-I forgot to pay her back and she made a point of asking for the money. I see her about once every few months and when we go out for an inexpensive meal she never offers to treat. Honestly, it doesn't make me feel very inclined to be generous with her. My husband and I are also middle class-we can afford to pay our own way and I don't expect money from her but it would be nice for her to treat for Chipotle every now and then.

Don’t be envious. You don’t have to put up with the strings and can live your life without meddling. That’s a great gift.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The relationship is great. We receive large sums of money from several relatives- parents, aunt, uncle, grandparents. It is understood we help the next generation out in our turn. We say thank you of course and there are zero strings attached. Primary and college is also provided for. We are very very fortunate and we know it.

+1 For our family, it's about intergenerational wealth transfer and helping future generations.

Me too but I only receive annual gifting from my parents. It has only been a blessing to myself, my siblings, and our collective children. Very grateful and very close family. Only “string” is a request that we donate 10% to charity but it’s a request not a mandate.

[Anonymous]

Often this isn’t about a “gift.” it’s just a tax strategy.