Siblings not speaking

[Anonymous]

Haven't seen one of my older sisters in over a decade. She's mentally ill and just decided one day that I am apparently evil, but won't say anything beyond that to anyone ... just acts creepily mysterious. Before that, she was my best friend. It sucks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Siblings went from being close to barely speaking after parent’s deaths. Elder care issues and funeral arrangements caused disagreements, many caused by parents. Now, parents gone and those once special sibling relationships are gone too. So sad.

This is so common.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So family functions, christmases and thanksgivings.... these are just celebrated with their individual families?

You can't figure this out? Sometimes families take turns with the parents, sometimes they pop a xanex and suck it up and sometimes they go their separate ways. I know plenty of functional families where it is rarely possible for every sibling to get together with the parents and their spouses and kids for many holidays. It is not a big deal. Some people are so obsessed with keeping up the appearance of a functional family they try to manipulate everyone into getting together. If anything that can make the break all the more permanent when it finally happens. Better to go with the flow.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Siblings went from being close to barely speaking after parent’s deaths. Elder care issues and funeral arrangements caused disagreements, many caused by parents. Now, parents gone and those once special sibling relationships are gone too. So sad.

This is so common.

+1

[Anonymous]

I haven't spoken to or seen my sister in 13 years and my life is better for it. She is a toxic narcissist. It wasn't worth it to me to make the effort to have a relationship when it just damaged me.

Sometimes I think it's bizarre that there is this person out there in the world that I knew so well for so many decades and now we are completely different people and don't know each other at all. But it's more just simple curiosity and not regret about my decision at all.

[Anonymous]

My siblings and I don’t speak to each other. My mom successfully triangulated us against each other, and they did things I can’t forgive them for.

I mostly don’t think about it anymore, but sometimes it hits me like a punch to the gut. I moved recently and found old pictures of us as children, and I felt so sick to my stomach and could barely breathe. It’s breaks my heart for those little kids knowing what happened as adults.

[Anonymous]

1 brother and sister I get along with. 1 sister I made effort while our kids were young but we fundamentally just don’t get each other and now that kids are grown I have let that relationship drift. 1 brother that is estranged, has been for many years. Think we could manage a relationship now but I don’t want to reach out and be rebuffed so... husband’s siblings gets together once a year as a group, lots of smaller relationships among them except for dh, somehow he just gets left out. Sad since he’s the best of the lot!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Anyone else in a family where none of the siblings speak to each other? Is it ok? Just accept and move on?

OP, you can try to help them reconcile, but ultimately, this is likely to be out of your control, and you risk your own relationships with these siblings if you are seen as taking sides. It's hard, but yes, you may have to just accept and move on.

Try to be an adult about it...I rarely speak to my sister, but we know to at least put on a show of caring for and about each other the once or twice a year when we are around my parents.

This is the last thing anyone should be butting into. The time to intervene is when the trouble is brewing. If there are concerning dynamics in childhood, mom should get help and not assume it's normal. If you witness concerning things maybe say something, but by the time they are moving to estrangement, you are not going to fix it. Do not take sides. Be respectful to both parties and do not insert yourself. You try to help when there are small sparks. You can cannot easily put out a 5 alarm fire that has already destroyed a building.

Typical things that lead to sibling estrangement:
-narcissistic parents pitting them against eachother
-Golden Child/scapegoat dynamic
-emotional/physical/sexual and/or verbal abuse by sibling
-being a backseat driver giving commands throughout eldercare, minimizing the other siblings concerns-the one actually THERE and not understanding the scope of the situation over a period of years and years
-criminal behavior
-personality disorders
-total lack of empathy
-unequal inheritance


These are not things where aunt Betsy needs to have a chat with both parties so they can fix it. Some relationships are not meant to continue and the disturbing need to pretend a family is harmonious is what needs help.

Yeah, it kind of makes me feel better to see so several of my own reasons on this list! Although parents AND sibling would deny.

[Anonymous]

So glad I’m an Only child...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:1 brother and sister I get along with. 1 sister I made effort while our kids were young but we fundamentally just don’t get each other and now that kids are grown I have let that relationship drift. 1 brother that is estranged, has been for many years. Think we could manage a relationship now but I don’t want to reach out and be rebuffed so... husband’s siblings gets together once a year as a group, lots of smaller relationships among them except for dh, somehow he just gets left out. Sad since he’s the best of the lot!

Maybe that attitude pisses of the rest of the siblings?