Siblings not speaking

[Anonymous]

Anyone else in a family where none of the siblings speak to each other? Is it ok? Just accept and move on?

[Anonymous]

Either you try or move on. We don’t speak.

[Anonymous]

I don't speak to my sister and don't miss her one bit. She created more problems and negativity in my life than anyone I've known.

[Anonymous]

My sister and I speak; currently we are both estranged from our brother. He is a recovering alcoholic and unfortunately, at 50, has the emotional maturity of an 8 year old.

My dad and his brother were not speaking by the end of their lives (uncle tried to take grandmas car when she went into a retirement home and dad said no because it was her property and the appropriate thing to do was to sell it and give her the money). When uncle died no one called my dad and he found out when a distant relative contacted him later for genealogy information and also gave condolences. I always thought that was weird but, well, here we are.

[Anonymous]

My mother and her sisters are close. They are all estranged from their brothers after the brothers tried to swindle them of their share of my grandfather’s considerable estate. The monetary situation was resolved but the hard feelings never went away. Everyone seems fine with the status quo. I wouldn’t know my uncles’ kids from Adam if I saw them today.

[Anonymous]

I was never close with my sister, but have been with my brother. After many years of eldercare issues I realize I only want my brother in my life. My husband totally gets it. It has brought me great peace to no longer engage and feed her drama and cruelty. I think she is deeply disturbed and unhappy person I truly hope she gets help and goes back on meds. She has a high status position where people are sycophantic and endless money so I suspect those around her will just enable her to become more and more nutty.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't speak to my sister and don't miss her one bit. She created more problems and negativity in my life than anyone I've known.

+1000 same here

[Anonymous]

Kinda sad but we aren’t close. No reason on either side. We are just far apart in age (10 years) and nothing in common. She hasn’t been to dc since my wedding 15 years ago. I go to her city yearly and see her with my kids. Grandma lives there. I visit for a week and she only sees us once. My Christmas card to her was just returned since she moved I guess. I had a thought that if I didn’t have her cell number, i would have no way to contact her at all.

[Anonymous]

Sister ghosted me about 20 years ago, I still to this day have no idea why.

Husbands family is the same, he hasn't spoken to his brother since they were kids.

There is no reason for my sister not speaking to me, she never uttered one word of being upset or frustrated, she just simply left me out a lot, has never spoken of it or told me what she doesn't like or if I did anything, so it's not like I can change myself. We never had an argument or a disagreement. She didn't even tell her kids she had a sister, they were 10 when they found out.

I have given up on her however both our families are dysfunctional in many ways and if there are estrangements in a family I assume there is some level of dysfunction. All my friends that still speak to their siblings, even if they disagree have kinder families, they still make an effort even if they disagree from time to time. There is a maturity there that is simply missing in my own family. TBH my sister and I couldn't even have a family Christmas together anymore, it would be too weird.

[Anonymous]

So family functions, christmases and thanksgivings.... these are just celebrated with their individual families?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So family functions, christmases and thanksgivings.... these are just celebrated with their individual families?

You can't figure this out? Sometimes families take turns with the parents, sometimes they pop a xanex and suck it up and sometimes they go their separate ways. I know plenty of functional families where it is rarely possible for every sibling to get together with the parents and their spouses and kids for many holidays. It is not a big deal. Some people are so obsessed with keeping up the appearance of a functional family they try to manipulate everyone into getting together. If anything that can make the break all the more permanent when it finally happens. Better to go with the flow.

[Anonymous]

Not your business.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Anyone else in a family where none of the siblings speak to each other? Is it ok? Just accept and move on?

OP, you can try to help them reconcile, but ultimately, this is likely to be out of your control, and you risk your own relationships with these siblings if you are seen as taking sides. It's hard, but yes, you may have to just accept and move on.

Try to be an adult about it...I rarely speak to my sister, but we know to at least put on a show of caring for and about each other the once or twice a year when we are around my parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Anyone else in a family where none of the siblings speak to each other? Is it ok? Just accept and move on?

OP, you can try to help them reconcile, but ultimately, this is likely to be out of your control, and you risk your own relationships with these siblings if you are seen as taking sides. It's hard, but yes, you may have to just accept and move on.

Try to be an adult about it...I rarely speak to my sister, but we know to at least put on a show of caring for and about each other the once or twice a year when we are around my parents.

This is the last thing anyone should be butting into. The time to intervene is when the trouble is brewing. If there are concerning dynamics in childhood, mom should get help and not assume it's normal. If you witness concerning things maybe say something, but by the time they are moving to estrangement, you are not going to fix it. Do not take sides. Be respectful to both parties and do not insert yourself. You try to help when there are small sparks. You can cannot easily put out a 5 alarm fire that has already destroyed a building.

Typical things that lead to sibling estrangement:
-narcissistic parents pitting them against eachother
-Golden Child/scapegoat dynamic
-emotional/physical/sexual and/or verbal abuse by sibling
-being a backseat driver giving commands throughout eldercare, minimizing the other siblings concerns-the one actually THERE and not understanding the scope of the situation over a period of years and years
-criminal behavior
-personality disorders
-total lack of empathy
-unequal inheritance


These are not things where aunt Betsy needs to have a chat with both parties so they can fix it. Some relationships are not meant to continue and the disturbing need to pretend a family is harmonious is what needs help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sister ghosted me about 20 years ago, I still to this day have no idea why.

Husbands family is the same, he hasn't spoken to his brother since they were kids.

There is no reason for my sister not speaking to me, she never uttered one word of being upset or frustrated, she just simply left me out a lot, has never spoken of it or told me what she doesn't like or if I did anything, so it's not like I can change myself. We never had an argument or a disagreement. She didn't even tell her kids she had a sister, they were 10 when they found out.

I have given up on her however both our families are dysfunctional in many ways and if there are estrangements in a family I assume there is some level of dysfunction. All my friends that still speak to their siblings, even if they disagree have kinder families, they still make an effort even if they disagree from time to time. There is a maturity there that is simply missing in my own family. TBH my sister and I couldn't even have a family Christmas together anymore, it would be too weird.

Same here! My sister tells people she has one brother. No mention of me. When relevant, I say that I have a sister but am estranged from her. At least I don't deny her existence.