Siblings not speaking

[Anonymous]

In many cases, there is a good reason for the estrangement and it's preferable to having a relationship. MYOB.

[Anonymous]

My sister is mentally is an alcoholic drug addict. She's mentally is as well- spent many stints in mental health facilities, walked away from countless jobs, mortgages etc.

She's just a loser that I don't need in my life.

[Anonymous]

Huh, I feel lucky I get along with both of them. Also with their spouses, which I think is really important.

My MIL has spent most of her adult life overwhelmingly angry at her siblings for one thing or another. She has no friends either. It just strikes me as so sad. She'd rather lecture and be rude to them than have a good relationship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Anyone else in a family where none of the siblings speak to each other? Is it ok? Just accept and move on?

OP, you can try to help them reconcile, but ultimately, this is likely to be out of your control, and you risk your own relationships with these siblings if you are seen as taking sides. It's hard, but yes, you may have to just accept and move on.

Try to be an adult about it...I rarely speak to my sister, but we know to at least put on a show of caring for and about each other the once or twice a year when we are around my parents.

This is the last thing anyone should be butting into. The time to intervene is when the trouble is brewing. If there are concerning dynamics in childhood, mom should get help and not assume it's normal. If you witness concerning things maybe say something, but by the time they are moving to estrangement, you are not going to fix it. Do not take sides. Be respectful to both parties and do not insert yourself. You try to help when there are small sparks. You can cannot easily put out a 5 alarm fire that has already destroyed a building.

Typical things that lead to sibling estrangement:
-narcissistic parents pitting them against eachother
-Golden Child/scapegoat dynamic
-emotional/physical/sexual and/or verbal abuse by sibling
-being a backseat driver giving commands throughout eldercare, minimizing the other siblings concerns-the one actually THERE and not understanding the scope of the situation over a period of years and years
-criminal behavior
-personality disorders
-total lack of empathy
-unequal inheritance


These are not things where aunt Betsy needs to have a chat with both parties so they can fix it. Some relationships are not meant to continue and the disturbing need to pretend a family is harmonious is what needs help.

Four — four! — of the reasons I am 100 percent estranged from my sibling are on this very wise and clearly informed list.

[Anonymous]

Jesus. My post makes me look like the nutty one!

[Anonymous]

My father does not speak to his sister. There was some issues at one point but that has been smoothed over and now that both their parents have passed away they just have no real reason to keep in contact more than a Christmas card every year. My mother speaks to her brother on major holidays and they normally visit once a year. My DH speaks to his siblings probably around once a month and we see them around once a year normally for a major family event graduations/weddings/anniversaries/funerals. They get along well its just that everyone lives in different areas of the country and has their own life going on. As the health of their parents starts to decline they are talking slightly more and the one that lives the farthest away is making an effort to come visit more.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't speak to my sister and don't miss her one bit. She created more problems and negativity in my life than anyone I've known.

+1, except it’s my brother.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Anyone else in a family where none of the siblings speak to each other? Is it ok? Just accept and move on?

OP, you can try to help them reconcile, but ultimately, this is likely to be out of your control, and you risk your own relationships with these siblings if you are seen as taking sides. It's hard, but yes, you may have to just accept and move on.

Try to be an adult about it...I rarely speak to my sister, but we know to at least put on a show of caring for and about each other the once or twice a year when we are around my parents.

This is the last thing anyone should be butting into. The time to intervene is when the trouble is brewing. If there are concerning dynamics in childhood, mom should get help and not assume it's normal. If you witness concerning things maybe say something, but by the time they are moving to estrangement, you are not going to fix it. Do not take sides. Be respectful to both parties and do not insert yourself. You try to help when there are small sparks. You can cannot easily put out a 5 alarm fire that has already destroyed a building.

Typical things that lead to sibling estrangement:
-narcissistic parents pitting them against eachother
-Golden Child/scapegoat dynamic
-emotional/physical/sexual and/or verbal abuse by sibling
-being a backseat driver giving commands throughout eldercare, minimizing the other siblings concerns-the one actually THERE and not understanding the scope of the situation over a period of years and years
-criminal behavior
-personality disorders
-total lack of empathy
-unequal inheritance


These are not things where aunt Betsy needs to have a chat with both parties so they can fix it. Some relationships are not meant to continue and the disturbing need to pretend a family is harmonious is what needs help.

Four — four! — of the reasons I am 100 percent estranged from my sibling are on this very wise and clearly informed list.

I got 6 possibly 7 with one of my siblings, though not completely estranged-mostly, but not completely...yet.

[Anonymous]

Your SIL is none of your business? Did you miss that thread?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Huh, I feel lucky I get along with both of them. Also with their spouses, which I think is really important.

My MIL has spent most of her adult life overwhelmingly angry at her siblings for one thing or another. She has no friends either. It just strikes me as so sad. She'd rather lecture and be rude to them than have a good relationship.

I don't understand the reason for your post.

You get along with your siblings AND their spouses - LUCKY you!

Maybe you just saw this as yet another opportunity to bash your horrible MIL.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Huh, I feel lucky I get along with both of them. Also with their spouses, which I think is really important.

My MIL has spent most of her adult life overwhelmingly angry at her siblings for one thing or another. She has no friends either. It just strikes me as so sad. She'd rather lecture and be rude to them than have a good relationship.

I don't understand the reason for your post.

You get along with your siblings AND their spouses - LUCKY you!

Maybe you just saw this as yet another opportunity to bash your horrible MIL.

I'm going to step out on a limb here and guess that you have a crappy relationship with your DIL.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Huh, I feel lucky I get along with both of them. Also with their spouses, which I think is really important.

My MIL has spent most of her adult life overwhelmingly angry at her siblings for one thing or another. She has no friends either. It just strikes me as so sad. She'd rather lecture and be rude to them than have a good relationship.

I don't understand the reason for your post.

You get along with your siblings AND their spouses - LUCKY you!

Maybe you just saw this as yet another opportunity to bash your horrible MIL.

I'm going to step out on a limb here and guess that you have a crappy relationship with your DIL.

Nope. Don't have a DIL and I'm not a MIL. But I can read between lines.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Huh, I feel lucky I get along with both of them. Also with their spouses, which I think is really important.

My MIL has spent most of her adult life overwhelmingly angry at her siblings for one thing or another. She has no friends either. It just strikes me as so sad. She'd rather lecture and be rude to them than have a good relationship.

I have to laugh, your whole post is one big lecture.

[Anonymous]

Siblings went from being close to barely speaking after parent’s deaths. Elder care issues and funeral arrangements caused disagreements, many caused by parents. Now, parents gone and those once special sibling relationships are gone too. So sad.

[Anonymous]

I am not speaking to my brother. He has treated me like crap for years and only cares about himself. When it comes to parental expenses, he never has the money, but expects me to chip in anytime he asks. It’s a mix a money, his awful wife and his general selfishness that just isn’t worth my energy anymore.

One example: they are atheist / agnostic and told my parents that we were rude because we didn’t send them Christmas gifts even though they sent us something. He didn’t understand that I didn’t want to offend them by sending Christmas items when they don’t believe. They also didn’t send us a wedding gift.