How do I get my family to stop sending unwanted gifts?

[Anonymous]

As others have said, there is not much you can do to stop the gifts if repeated requests go unheeded. My mother and her sister are the present-givers in our family. They love to shop, especially discount stores like Ross and TJ Maxx. My Buy Nothing group has been a godsend for regifting things we don't have room for, are not age appropriate, or are otherwise useful things just not for us (e.g., coffee gifts). It has also helped me get over the guilt of giving away a gift knowing it is going to someone who wants it and can use it.

[Anonymous]

OP if they choose not to stop and don't care if its reciprocated suggest gift cards

[Anonymous]

Do you get them in person? Do they ask about them later?

[Anonymous]

They are showing their love through gift giving. Very likely that is their love language even if it’s not yours. Graciously accept but don’t feel bad regifting or donating. Seriously. I was in a profession for many years where people gave a lot of mugs and housewares. I regifted and donated the things I didn’t like/need. Everyone does it at some point.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP if they choose not to stop and don't care if its reciprocated suggest gift cards

That’s tacky.

[Anonymous]

Ask for receipts so you can return them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just donate the gifts. How can you possibly not know this?

Not OP, but we really need to get out of the mentality that isn't NBD to keep buying junk and imposing it on others. Climate change is real. Some of this is junk that absolutely nobody wants. It would be nice if these "givers" understand the true gift is being a kind and lovely person, not doing a junk dump on someone who asked you to stop repeatedly. The landfills are overflowing with crap. Just stop. I think it needs to become more socially acceptable to just not accept it at all and let them figure out what to do with it or hopefully stop. When someone asks you to stop giving gifts and you continue, you are not a big hearted person or some overly giving person who is unappreciated. It's obnoxious behavior.

Agree with you. The whole "donation" option has given people an faux ethical excuse to keep up the whole excessive consumption cycle and continue destroying the earth.

What do you suggest? (In the case of requests for stopping the gifts being ignored)?

I don't have a great answer. But one thing could be to really clearly communicate your environmental values and preferences for a plastic-free, earth-friendly, sustainable, zero-waste gift, and praise them when they follow that guideline. There are a lot of websites and resources now for sustainable gift ideas.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just donate the gifts. How can you possibly not know this?

Not OP, but we really need to get out of the mentality that isn't NBD to keep buying junk and imposing it on others. Climate change is real. Some of this is junk that absolutely nobody wants. It would be nice if these "givers" understand the true gift is being a kind and lovely person, not doing a junk dump on someone who asked you to stop repeatedly. The landfills are overflowing with crap. Just stop. I think it needs to become more socially acceptable to just not accept it at all and let them figure out what to do with it or hopefully stop. When someone asks you to stop giving gifts and you continue, you are not a big hearted person or some overly giving person who is unappreciated. It's obnoxious behavior.

Agree with you. The whole "donation" option has given people an faux ethical excuse to keep up the whole excessive consumption cycle and continue destroying the earth.

What do you suggest? (In the case of requests for stopping the gifts being ignored)?

I don't have a great answer. But one thing could be to really clearly communicate your environmental values and preferences for a plastic-free, earth-friendly, sustainable, zero-waste gift, and praise them when they follow that guideline. There are a lot of websites and resources now for sustainable gift ideas.

You could share a gift idea resource like this one:
https://zerowastenerd.com/01-zero-waste-gift-ideas

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They are showing their love through gift giving. Very likely that is their love language even if it’s not yours. Graciously accept but don’t feel bad regifting or donating. Seriously. I was in a profession for many years where people gave a lot of mugs and housewares. I regifted and donated the things I didn’t like/need. Everyone does it at some point.

Imposing stuff/junk on people when they have repeatedly asked you to stop is not "showing their love." It is disrespect. Love is not shown through material things. I find it fascinating that so many people justify imposing stuff people don't want on them as being anything related to love. The whole 'love language" think is bullshit mumbo jumbo. There are a million ways you show love and none have to do with buying crap...here are a few...visit a loved one in the hospital, write a letter, write a thank you note, tell the person how much he/she means to you, offer to do the dishes...whatever. Sorry, you have to be really messed up to think love involves material things that people don't want and have asked you not to give.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They are showing their love through gift giving. Very likely that is their love language even if it’s not yours. Graciously accept but don’t feel bad regifting or donating. Seriously. I was in a profession for many years where people gave a lot of mugs and housewares. I regifted and donated the things I didn’t like/need. Everyone does it at some point.

Imposing stuff/junk on people when they have repeatedly asked you to stop is not "showing their love." It is disrespect. Love is not shown through material things. I find it fascinating that so many people justify imposing stuff people don't want on them as being anything related to love. The whole 'love language" think is bullshit mumbo jumbo. There are a million ways you show love and none have to do with buying crap...here are a few...visit a loved one in the hospital, write a letter, write a thank you note, tell the person how much he/she means to you, offer to do the dishes...whatever. Sorry, you have to be really messed up to think love involves material things that people don't want and have asked you not to give.

Do you consider repeatedly kissing someone when they told you to stop love? At least a kiss doesn't destroy the environment. Yet, no matter how amorous you feel, if the other person told you they don't like it and don't want it, you need to keep you lovin lips to yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They are showing their love through gift giving. Very likely that is their love language even if it’s not yours. Graciously accept but don’t feel bad regifting or donating. Seriously. I was in a profession for many years where people gave a lot of mugs and housewares. I regifted and donated the things I didn’t like/need. Everyone does it at some point.

Imposing stuff/junk on people when they have repeatedly asked you to stop is not "showing their love." It is disrespect. Love is not shown through material things. I find it fascinating that so many people justify imposing stuff people don't want on them as being anything related to love. The whole 'love language" think is bullshit mumbo jumbo. There are a million ways you show love and none have to do with buying crap...here are a few...visit a loved one in the hospital, write a letter, write a thank you note, tell the person how much he/she means to you, offer to do the dishes...whatever. Sorry, you have to be really messed up to think love involves material things that people don't want and have asked you not to give.

Do you consider repeatedly kissing someone when they told you to stop love? At least a kiss doesn't destroy the environment. Yet, no matter how amorous you feel, if the other person told you they don't like it and don't want it, you need to keep you lovin lips to yourself.

Exactly. And when they talk sh*t about you being the weirdo of the family and they don't know what your problem is, and how everyone else is totally fine with it, except you - You need to just let it all roll off your back like water. When it's that aggressive and unending, despite repeated protests, that is pretty much the opposite of love, that is a weapon.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Yes, I’m glad people get it! I know I have to get over the guilt of giving this stuff away, but I still resent the chore of having to get rid of it. And I actually hate taking things to Goodwill. I think they wind up tossing a lot of the donations they get. My preference is to give things to a nearby shelter but I don’t think they want/need novelty drink ware. If it’s kid stuff I can put it in front of my house and post to the neighborhood list serve, but non-kid items don’t move that way unless they are really useful, which this stuff never is. So getting rid of these things becomes a chore in and of itself. I hate it.

It just occurred to me though that I might be able to ship some of this stuff back to the vendors. Not even for a refund, since my family might notice that and ask me about it. But just so they can resell it to someone who actually wants it.

Because yes, there is just too much stuff in the world and I want less of it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Yes, I’m glad people get it! I know I have to get over the guilt of giving this stuff away, but I still resent the chore of having to get rid of it. And I actually hate taking things to Goodwill. I think they wind up tossing a lot of the donations they get. My preference is to give things to a nearby shelter but I don’t think they want/need novelty drink ware. If it’s kid stuff I can put it in front of my house and post to the neighborhood list serve, but non-kid items don’t move that way unless they are really useful, which this stuff never is. So getting rid of these things becomes a chore in and of itself. I hate it.

It just occurred to me though that I might be able to ship some of this stuff back to the vendors. Not even for a refund, since my family might notice that and ask me about it. But just so they can resell it to someone who actually wants it.

Because yes, there is just too much stuff in the world and I want less of it.

if you receive a package from a company that you know you didn't order from, don't open it and write refused, return to sender on it and it will go back for free. Also, we've been able to ship gifts back to the store for free even without a gift receipt when we explain it to them (e.g. dd received a piece of furniture for her room this Christmas that she didn't want and didn't have room for. It would have cost a fortune to ship and I don't have a car so it would have been a huge PITA to donate, but the store sent us a label to return it at no cost - and even gave us a store gift card for the price of the item).

But I'm curious - if you've been clear with them about not wanting gifts, wouldn't it be in your favor if they got a notification from the vendor that their item had been returned?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Yes, I’m glad people get it! I know I have to get over the guilt of giving this stuff away, but I still resent the chore of having to get rid of it. And I actually hate taking things to Goodwill. I think they wind up tossing a lot of the donations they get. My preference is to give things to a nearby shelter but I don’t think they want/need novelty drink ware. If it’s kid stuff I can put it in front of my house and post to the neighborhood list serve, but non-kid items don’t move that way unless they are really useful, which this stuff never is. So getting rid of these things becomes a chore in and of itself. I hate it.

It just occurred to me though that I might be able to ship some of this stuff back to the vendors. Not even for a refund, since my family might notice that and ask me about it. But just so they can resell it to someone who actually wants it.

Because yes, there is just too much stuff in the world and I want less of it.

Yeah, it becomes passive aggressive. You have said no in any way possible. They insist. They create drama because you don't appreciate it and are such a brat you are annoyed. You are annoyed at the waste and damage to our environment,m but also because it's another thing to add to your donation bags and it is usually heavy and too often glass!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just donate the gifts. How can you possibly not know this?

Not OP, but we really need to get out of the mentality that isn't NBD to keep buying junk and imposing it on others. Climate change is real. Some of this is junk that absolutely nobody wants. It would be nice if these "givers" understand the true gift is being a kind and lovely person, not doing a junk dump on someone who asked you to stop repeatedly. The landfills are overflowing with crap. Just stop. I think it needs to become more socially acceptable to just not accept it at all and let them figure out what to do with it or hopefully stop. When someone asks you to stop giving gifts and you continue, you are not a big hearted person or some overly giving person who is unappreciated. It's obnoxious behavior.

Agree with you. The whole "donation" option has given people an faux ethical excuse to keep up the whole excessive consumption cycle and continue destroying the earth.

What do you suggest? (In the case of requests for stopping the gifts being ignored)?

I don't have a great answer. But one thing could be to really clearly communicate your environmental values and preferences for a plastic-free, earth-friendly, sustainable, zero-waste gift, and praise them when they follow that guideline. There are a lot of websites and resources now for sustainable gift ideas.

Ok, yes. These are good suggestions which I (NP) have repeatedly tried myself, but my ILs get what they want to get for gifts, especially when it comes to "fun stuff" for the kids. So yes, all of these suggestions for steering gift givers in the right direction is good except for those of us with the kind of gift giving behavior that isn't really affected by what other people suggest or request. So we can rant about it, but that won't get rid of the piles of stuff we still receive.