Friends marriage at breaking point due to infertility

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: It's really weird to be totally infertile at age 35, especially where IVF can't fix it.

It's really not that weird. I have meet plenty of people (myself included) that were infertile to the point where multiple IVFs didn't work in their 20s let alone 30s. IVF is not a cure all, as much as we like to think it is. And as many doctors have told me over the years, we don't know everything.

The average woman used to have 5-10 kids, one of them in her 40s, and you know a bunch of people who couldn't get one kid, no matter the age of the mother, with IVF and that doesn't strike you as something going on?

There were infertile women/men years ago too. An average women can still have 5-10 if she wants (look at very religious communities). I'm just saying that age isn't everything in IVF. Plenty of times it's MF also (or a combination/unexplained as in my case). IVF doesn't always work no matter what age the mother is. It's a great tool and can help many people, but it's not a cure all. I'm proof of this and so are the people I've met over the years (in various fertility centers throughout the county).

I read somewhere the modern infertility rate of Amish women is only 2%. This 20% we're seeing is not normal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My 40 year old friend has been trying for a baby for 3 years and her marriage is struggling. I feel so sad for her. Why do some women continue to have healthy pregnancies into early 40s and others struggle even after tried everything?

37 is too old to start trying and hope for success. Most people know that beyond 35ish is a crashing unless you have a solid history of know fertility before that. I've been shocked by the sheer number of young 30s friends that are not able to conceive.

I had a baby at 37 and a baby at 40 (conceived at 39). No problems and I don’t think I’m an outlier.

It"s no one"s place to tell another person they are too old to have a baby. STFU

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My 40 year old friend has been trying for a baby for 3 years and her marriage is struggling. I feel so sad for her. Why do some women continue to have healthy pregnancies into early 40s and others struggle even after tried everything?

I'm one of these women. We had children easily. Our one IVF cycle produced way too many eggs and then embryos. We had IVF not because we had trouble, but because we didn't feel like trying and waiting. We just had an oops pregnancy at 47 that we decided not to pursue. Our doctor said that someone wins a jackpot lottery, and we won the fertility lottery.

There is no good answer to your question. We also had many many many troubles that other families didn't have to deal with. Everyone has their own mix of happiness and misery.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My 40 year old friend has been trying for a baby for 3 years and her marriage is struggling. I feel so sad for her. Why do some women continue to have healthy pregnancies into early 40s and others struggle even after tried everything?

37 is too old to start trying and hope for success. Most people know that beyond 35ish is a crashing unless you have a solid history of know fertility before that. I've been shocked by the sheer number of young 30s friends that are not able to conceive.

This is statistically false. There is a small step-off i.e those between 35-39 are about 90% as likely to conceive as those between 20 and 34. The sharp decline comes after 40. Statistics don't help OP's friend though. Like with everything related to health (and other aspects of life), some people just are not as fortunate as others.

[Anonymous]

All of Europe has a fertility problem. Friend is an epidemiologist and says pollution is a big cause.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am very worried about this. Sperm counts are crashing around the world and I'm wondering if the equivalent isn't happening in women and with egg quality. I've been hanging out on an IVF forum and there is a stable of ladies there with multiple failed IVF cycles and not infrequently some of those cycles include donor cycles using presumably very healthy eggs. About half of the sad cases started TTC in their late 20s. In other cases good looking blasts are made and transferred with only BFNs and early losses.

The Sad Cases would be a good band name.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am very worried about this. Sperm counts are crashing around the world and I'm wondering if the equivalent isn't happening in women and with egg quality. I've been hanging out on an IVF forum and there is a stable of ladies there with multiple failed IVF cycles and not infrequently some of those cycles include donor cycles using presumably very healthy eggs. About half of the sad cases started TTC in their late 20s. In other cases good looking blasts are made and transferred with only BFNs and early losses.

Wait what? How are sperm counts crashing around the world? Compared to when?

[Anonymous]

https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/sperm-count-dropping-in-western-world/

Sperm counts have dropped by more than 50% in the last 40 years. They had to redefine the parameters for “normal” because it’s dropped so much. It’s well established.

[Anonymous]

My wife who married me at 34 smoked, took birth control and had an abortion. I got her pregnant four times. Then again I am Irish I could get a girl pregnant over a zoom meeting

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'd say 1/4-1/3 of my close friends suffered from infertility (I did too but never discussed). I really think we're doing women a disservice by not discussing it more openly. I'm 35 and my current pregnancy took 2.5 years to conceive. My single 35 year old friends feel like they still have 5 more good years. Who knows, they could? Or they could struggle like I did at 27 with otherwise perfect health.

Even in best case scenario this is foolish thinking at 35. But I was the same way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My wife who married me at 34 smoked, took birth control and had an abortion. I got her pregnant four times. Then again I am Irish I could get a girl pregnant over a zoom meeting

Asking for a friend, do you have a single brother??

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am very worried about this. Sperm counts are crashing around the world and I'm wondering if the equivalent isn't happening in women and with egg quality. I've been hanging out on an IVF forum and there is a stable of ladies there with multiple failed IVF cycles and not infrequently some of those cycles include donor cycles using presumably very healthy eggs. About half of the sad cases started TTC in their late 20s. In other cases good looking blasts are made and transferred with only BFNs and early losses.

You know men make billions of sperm right?

Where did you get this weird deception about sperm? And “very healthy eggs” in infertility? Wherever you got your second and third sentences, it’s time to figure out the source and NEVER EVER read a word they say again.

Read real news and real science and ditch whatever information trash you’re consuming. My god.

NP ... whoa. cool your jets, the case of diminishing sperm counts globally is actually well documented in scientific literature.

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC1883354/

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My wife who married me at 34 smoked, took birth control and had an abortion. I got her pregnant four times. Then again I am Irish I could get a girl pregnant over a zoom meeting

Asking for a friend, do you have a single brother??

I wish. My father is one of 8 and my grandfather one of 12. Both my grandparents and great grandparents had kids in their 40s. My wife had last one at 43 and my mom at 40. The men in my family put condoms on before holding hands