When did people start calling their boyfriend/girlfriend their partner?

[Anonymous]

I know lots of people who live together who refer to each other as partner, no matter what their age. Once you start living together, "boyfriend" or "girlfriend" sound like you still think you are a teenager.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He is more than my boyfriend. I don’t know if we’ll ever marry though. Deeply committed, but I’ve never been into the idea of marriage.

It is fun watching people try to sort it when I have a more masculine haircut. I don’t clarify. Lol.

I’ve known a bunch of couples who were “deeply committed” but “not into the idea of marriage” or whatever and except for the ones who were senior citizens, the actual situation is always “one or both of us aren’t in love enough to get married but things aren’t actively bad enough to deal with the hassle of a breakup”. So when someone refers to their “partner” that’s what immediately comes to mind for me.

Cynical. But then again I expect (and am often accurate in predicting) a divorce of anyone that has a big wedding or marries in 20s.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He is more than my boyfriend. I don’t know if we’ll ever marry though. Deeply committed, but I’ve never been into the idea of marriage.

It is fun watching people try to sort it when I have a more masculine haircut. I don’t clarify. Lol.

I’ve known a bunch of couples who were “deeply committed” but “not into the idea of marriage” or whatever and except for the ones who were senior citizens, the actual situation is always “one or both of us aren’t in love enough to get married but things aren’t actively bad enough to deal with the hassle of a breakup”. So when someone refers to their “partner” that’s what immediately comes to mind for me.

Hopefully you don’t say this to people out loud, because it makes you seem kind of dumb and provincial.

[Anonymous]

It’s also gender neutral.

[Anonymous]

The one person I know who uses the term 'partner' is an early 40s woman who lives with a man she desperately wants to marry. I always had the impression that 'partner' was her way of comforting herself that he is more committed than he actually appears to be.

She regularly makes quips about how she hopes he'll propose, or dry comments about how he is 'marriage-phobic', but there is a real note of hurt underneath all that and I feel sorry for her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s also gender neutral.

Not just that, but it also conceals marital status and cohabitation status. A partner might be a live-in romantic partner or not, might be a spouse or not.

Sometimes it's nice to not have to disclose my marital status, living situation, and sexuality to every person I talk to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It annoys me too. I’m not irrationally irritated when gay people or older people or unmarried people use it. But when 30 or 40 something heterosexual married couples use it, it annoys me, like they are trying to be PC or something. It’s not shameful to have a husband or wife, and it doesn’t make you woke to call that person your partner instead of husband/wife.

Spouse irritates me too, but not nearly as much.

+1

[Anonymous]

I know a woman who uses "husband" (and previously "boyfriend") in her life, but will refer to her "partner" on social media. I'm not really sure why she does this, but I think it might be because she thinks it conveys "wokeness", like posting a black square on Instagram to support #BLM.

What's funny is that I am a bisexual woman of color and it mostly just annoys me (as do the black squares). Just call him your husband, girl! We all know you're square AF, it's fine. Donate some money to an LGBTQ+ cause, vote correct, and stop posturing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When you're north of 30, talking about your "girlfriend" or "boyfriend" just sounds immature.

This. My mother has a partner. Her long time companion. He's male, and I realize partner gives people pause, but he's not her boyfriend. They are in their 70s for crying out loud! They don't live together, but have been companions for 20 years. Partner is the best description.

I do something refer to him as my step-dad, just to keep things easy in certain situations. But not often.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It annoys me too. I’m not irrationally irritated when gay people or older people or unmarried people use it. But when 30 or 40 something heterosexual married couples use it, it annoys me, like they are trying to be PC or something. It’s not shameful to have a husband or wife, and it doesn’t make you woke to call that person your partner instead of husband/wife.

Spouse irritates me too, but not nearly as much.

+1

+2

It's especially irksome when people do it only in certain settings. Like they'll say "partner" in a political Facebook post but then they'll say "hubby" when posting their holiday photos.

Though this may just be about my hatred of the word "hubby", which is lightyears worse than the fake woke "partner" business.

[Anonymous]

They've been doing it in other countries for decades. Finally caught on here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When you're north of 30, talking about your "girlfriend" or "boyfriend" just sounds immature.

This. My mother has a partner. Her long time companion. He's male, and I realize partner gives people pause, but he's not her boyfriend. They are in their 70s for crying out loud! They don't live together, but have been companions for 20 years. Partner is the best description.

I do something refer to him as my step-dad, just to keep things easy in certain situations. But not often.

I think "companion" is a more apt term for a longterm, unmarried couple who doesn't live together.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think the connotation is that it is a more serious relationship than boyfriend/girlfriend.

And you might feel weird about being 50 and calling someone your boyfriend.

+1.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:After gay people started doing it and under the guise of 'equity' but not wanting to admit they're not married or engaged after years.

What? You are way overthinking this. It's because I'm 48 years old and don't date "boys" - I date men. Nobody says "manfriend," it's ridiculous. So partner it is.

[Anonymous]

I'll start with - I call people what they want to be called, and I have friends who call their significant others "partner" so I do that. I wouldn't give my opinion about it unless asked, as it's non of my business.

I also think this came into vogue when gay marriage was illegal, and at that time, I totally supported it. If it's 1994 and you're gay and in a life partnership, go by partner. Great. Honestly, back in '94, in most areas of the country, a man referring to his husband would have probably been legit confusing for people.

But - since this is an anonymous forum - I can say, now a days, I really dislike it. It honestly feels to me like you're trying to get "credit" for making a commitment that you haven't made. Basically, you want to be treated as if you're married, even though you're not. If you're committed for life, get married. This can take whatever form you want. Have a big wedding. Don't have a big wedding. Get legally married. Don't get legally married, if you don't want the government up in your business. But, in some way, somehow, look each other in the eye and say "I'm committed to you for life" and then start introducing each other as wife/husband/spouse/whatever.

All the cases I personally know - they're not people who are categorically opposed to marriage. They're just not married... yet. Congrats, then you have a boyfriend/girlfriend. I don't care if you're 95 years old.