How to raise nice, polite kids?

[Anonymous]

This is really being the pale. I would communicate that this is unacceptable, and you need a break of x weeks. If they come back and it happens again, you will quit the arrangement.

[Anonymous]

I used to volunteer in my DD's first grade class. Almost all 6 and 7 year olds act as you describe, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My kids have been acting out because virtual learning is stressful. Have you considered that? It's really tough on kids, and this behavior might be a reaction to that. It's not fair to assume bad parenting.

+1

Ages 6 and 7 are extremely difficult ages for distance learning. They may seem like “big kids” to OP since she has preschoolers but really... they’re so little. And DL is so developmentally inappropriate. What do you do with these kids to build connection? Have fun? The relationship is important. No kid wants to be bad or rude. But if they don’t feel content/supported, they’re going to have a hard time. Period.

Also- you teach people how to treat you. They can be rude with others and polite with you. It’s all about relationship *and then* boundaries. Kind but firm, always. And consistency is essential.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kids have been acting out because virtual learning is stressful. Have you considered that? It's really tough on kids, and this behavior might be a reaction to that. It's not fair to assume bad parenting.

OP here and I absolutely agree. The kids are under stress and it sucks. I’m overly nice to them though and they are living a pretty good life.

So when they’re this rude, or throw my son’s toys and break them (it happened)...then yes, I come to DCUM for advice.

Occasional sass is one thing, but don't let your kids suffer. I would simply tell the parents the arrangement is not working, and be done.

[Anonymous]

You send them home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have a very polite preschooler - I heard it during our parent teacher conference today and hear it from her friends' parents that my kid has taught their kids to be more polite. Not bragging, just context.

I did not grow up in a polite household. Nobody ever said please, thank you, I'm sorry. The biggest thing is modeling - you use your please, thank you, and I'm sorry's consistently. And prompt and remind every time - "please try that again using your manners - 'can I please have a drink?' not 'I want a drink' thank you, Larla." And give them new language if they're consistently saying something rude in context. Mine was saying "hey" constantly to get attention and "hey is for horses" did nothing, but saying "please say 'excuse me' not 'hey'" worked.

And model it with everyone. Your spouse, people in the grocery store, etc. You actually have to be as well mannered as you want your kids to be.

OP here. Thanks. These kids parents certainly dont seem rude. Perhaps it's the shows they watch?

Or is this just what happens when your kids hit elementary school?

I am generally appalled at their language. "Ok, ok, she stopped talking....keep playing!" was nutso rude to me. Am I too sensitive?

The parents might know how to be situationally polite, but they are probably different at home. So many people are like this. They will smile and be polite to other parents at school, but at home they will gossip and talk down about other people constantly, right in front of their kids. So their kids learn that other people don't matter and that the politeness their parents show at school functions and in public is not genuine.

Keep modeling good manners, kindness, and empathy for your kids. Do it in public but also in private. Show them empathy and expect them to show you empathy. And if you mess up, just own up to it and show your kids what apologies look like and that everyone, including adults, can do it.

Your kids might mimic their peers for a time, but in the end it will be the example you set that they emulate. I promise.

Yes, this!! So true. Your own behavior matters so so much.

[Anonymous]

It sounds like part of the problem is the way you talk to these kids, quite frankly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kids have been acting out because virtual learning is stressful. Have you considered that? It's really tough on kids, and this behavior might be a reaction to that. It's not fair to assume bad parenting.

OP here and I absolutely agree. The kids are under stress and it sucks. I’m overly nice to them though and they are living a pretty good life.

So when they’re this rude, or throw my son’s toys and break them (it happened)...then yes, I come to DCUM for advice.

But you're not asking for advice on how to deal with these children when they are acting out. You are assuming that children who act out do so because of some failure on the parents.

Clearly the arrangement isn't working, but its rude of you to come on dcurbanmom and suggest that this could be prevented with some good parenting that your employers failed to provide. How do I raise my kids to not become like you when they grow up?

[Anonymous]

Modeling polite behavior is a huge part of it. What’s surprising is that these kids talked this way to you. My kids (& most, I think) save their worst behavior for their parents. They are polite to teachers & other adults— but not always at home. My younger one is usually polite & easy to correct, but it gets harder (to actually get the rudeness to stop) as they reach adolescence.... my 11 year old— whoa boy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My kids have been acting out because virtual learning is stressful. Have you considered that? It's really tough on kids, and this behavior might be a reaction to that. It's not fair to assume bad parenting.

Stop blaming DL. Step up and parent and don't tolerate it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kids have been acting out because virtual learning is stressful. Have you considered that? It's really tough on kids, and this behavior might be a reaction to that. It's not fair to assume bad parenting.

+1

Ages 6 and 7 are extremely difficult ages for distance learning. They may seem like “big kids” to OP since she has preschoolers but really... they’re so little. And DL is so developmentally inappropriate. What do you do with these kids to build connection? Have fun? The relationship is important. No kid wants to be bad or rude. But if they don’t feel content/supported, they’re going to have a hard time. Period.

Also- you teach people how to treat you. They can be rude with others and polite with you. It’s all about relationship *and then* boundaries. Kind but firm, always. And consistency is essential.

OP here and don't talk down to me. I taught in the classroom for 10 years. I've also nannied and babysat for countless years. I love and respect children. That doesn't mean I can't be off put by rudeness.

I also pity these kids, greatly. DL is a joke.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Modeling polite behavior is a huge part of it. What’s surprising is that these kids talked this way to you. My kids (& most, I think) save their worst behavior for their parents. They are polite to teachers & other adults— but not always at home. My younger one is usually polite & easy to correct, but it gets harder (to actually get the rudeness to stop) as they reach adolescence.... my 11 year old— whoa boy.

OP here and yes, this surprised me. I know my kids are far from perfect and they can be rude to us. But I have never been talked to like this by kids!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I used to volunteer in my DD's first grade class. Almost all 6 and 7 year olds act as you describe, OP.

Seriously?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I used to volunteer in my DD's first grade class. Almost all 6 and 7 year olds act as you describe, OP.

Seriously?

Former teacher. Kids have changed. Just because lots of kids are rude now doesn’t mean it was the norm 20 years ago, or is acceptable now. I taught as the iPhone was coming into vogue and kids changed dramatically. I wouldn’t believe it if I hadn’t seen 25 of them every year for X years. Classrooms aren’t the same as they were when we were kids.

[Anonymous]

Definitely do it while they’re young.

I remember learning manners from my nanny in 3rd grade and it was pretty draining. But I also had a lot of other changes around that time.