What are the most important and helpful things you did early in your divorce?

[Anonymous]

Yep, sex.

It's the one huge benefit of divorce. Marriage is an amazing institution to raise kids but it's a sexual graveyard for most couples after a while.

You actually forget how amazing sex can be until you get back out there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sleep with married women.

Why would you do that? If you are divorced it's so much easier to find a single woman to have sex with, and no looking over your shoulder

[Anonymous]

Hired an attorney vs mediator (advice from DCUM!)
It felt good to not think about how to file and having someone on my side.
Didn’t listen to ppl like a PP who mentioned Divorce Legacy Kid became less agitated and easier to deal with and just started doing better all around.
Never disclosing my financial state of affairs to stbx.
I regret not going to therapy.
Also I am half way through so take my advice with a grain of salt.

[Anonymous]

OP here. In response to your questions (I am the wife BTW):
--spouse had an affair and wants to be with AP.
--My kids are both under 7.
--I have an attorney, but we should be able to avoid litigation.
--Married for 12 years.

Thanks for all the suggestions. I'm definitely NOT ready to date or hook up. Are there a lot of divorced 40YOs on dating apps? I can't imagine I would ever meet someone organically. My world has been so small the past few years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sleep with married women.

Why would you do that? If you are divorced it's so much easier to find a single woman to have sex with, and no looking over your shoulder

And you don’t risk shattering another family and f@ck up more kids if their spouse finds out.

Awful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hired an attorney vs mediator (advice from DCUM!)
It felt good to not think about how to file and having someone on my side.
Didn’t listen to ppl like a PP who mentioned Divorce Legacy Kid became less agitated and easier to deal with and just started doing better all around.
Never disclosing my financial state of affairs to stbx.
I regret not going to therapy.
Also I am half way through so take my advice with a grain of salt.

The whole point of the Unexpected Legacy of Divorce is that the consequences are long-lasting. Just because your kid *seems* fine at the moment does not mean there won't be problems later. Kids often don't really understand how divorce is going to play out over the course of their lives. They will be dealing with it for many decades to come and their opinions and feelings about it may vary over time. Divorce is not a one-time event. It's a lifelong state of being.

Divorcing parents are often overly optimistic about how their children will cope, and refuse to acknowledge when children aren't coping well. So don't be so quick to conclude that things are fine. Children will often tell their parents what they think their parents want to hear.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hired an attorney vs mediator (advice from DCUM!)
It felt good to not think about how to file and having someone on my side.
Didn’t listen to ppl like a PP who mentioned Divorce Legacy Kid became less agitated and easier to deal with and just started doing better all around.
Never disclosing my financial state of affairs to stbx.
I regret not going to therapy.
Also I am half way through so take my advice with a grain of salt.

The whole point of the Unexpected Legacy of Divorce is that the consequences are long-lasting. Just because your kid *seems* fine at the moment does not mean there won't be problems later. Kids often don't really understand how divorce is going to play out over the course of their lives. They will be dealing with it for many decades to come and their opinions and feelings about it may vary over time. Divorce is not a one-time event. It's a lifelong state of being.

Divorcing parents are often overly optimistic about how their children will cope, and refuse to acknowledge when children aren't coping well. So don't be so quick to conclude that things are fine. Children will often tell their parents what they think their parents want to hear.

This is no reason to stay with a cheating spouse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hired an attorney vs mediator (advice from DCUM!)
It felt good to not think about how to file and having someone on my side.
Didn’t listen to ppl like a PP who mentioned Divorce Legacy Kid became less agitated and easier to deal with and just started doing better all around.
Never disclosing my financial state of affairs to stbx.
I regret not going to therapy.
Also I am half way through so take my advice with a grain of salt.

The whole point of the Unexpected Legacy of Divorce is that the consequences are long-lasting. Just because your kid *seems* fine at the moment does not mean there won't be problems later. Kids often don't really understand how divorce is going to play out over the course of their lives. They will be dealing with it for many decades to come and their opinions and feelings about it may vary over time. Divorce is not a one-time event. It's a lifelong state of being.

Divorcing parents are often overly optimistic about how their children will cope, and refuse to acknowledge when children aren't coping well. So don't be so quick to conclude that things are fine. Children will often tell their parents what they think their parents want to hear.

This is no reason to stay with a cheating spouse.

The book isn't about directing people not to divorce. It helps people be realistic about how their children may react and how best to handle things in the short term and the long term. It's important to avoid wishful thinking and be mentally prepared for issues that may arise. I am divorced and thought it was a very helpful and eye-opening read.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Slept through the night without being awakened by his snoring. Went grocery shopping and bought all the food I loved that he didn't and cooked all my favorite foods without having to worry about his input. Read late into the night without having to worry about him complaining. Talked on the phone with my girlfriends for hours (again, without having to worry about him complaining). Planned fun things to do with my friends when it was his weekend with our kid. Purged a bunch of crap that was "ours" and replaced it with new things that were mine. Got rid of clothes he bought me and bought new clothes. The list goes on and on.

+1
I like this!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sleep with married women.

Why would you do that? If you are divorced it's so much easier to find a single woman to have sex with, and no looking over your shoulder

They are in sexless marriages and want ONS. I’m good with it...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sleep with married women.

Why would you do that? If you are divorced it's so much easier to find a single woman to have sex with, and no looking over your shoulder

And you don’t risk shattering another family and f@ck up more kids if their spouse finds out.

Awful.

They come on to me and I really don’t care. That’s on them and they will have to pay the consequences if they get caught.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sleep with married women.

Why would you do that? If you are divorced it's so much easier to find a single woman to have sex with, and no looking over your shoulder

And you don’t risk shattering another family and f@ck up more kids if their spouse finds out.

Awful.

They come on to me and I really don’t care. That’s on them and they will have to pay the consequences if they get caught.

Wow. What a c@nt. Most decent people would care about kids. F@ck ‘em, they’re not yours, right?

Karma, B@tch. Enjoy twat cancer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sleep with married women.

Why would you do that? If you are divorced it's so much easier to find a single woman to have sex with, and no looking over your shoulder

And you don’t risk shattering another family and f@ck up more kids if their spouse finds out.

Awful.

They come on to me and I really don’t care. That’s on them and they will have to pay the consequences if they get caught.

Wow. What a c@nt. Most decent people would care about kids. F@ck ‘em, they’re not yours, right?

Karma, B@tch. Enjoy twat cancer.

Sorry, make that “enjoy nut cancer”.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sleep with married women.

Why would you do that? If you are divorced it's so much easier to find a single woman to have sex with, and no looking over your shoulder

And you don’t risk shattering another family and f@ck up more kids if their spouse finds out.

Awful.

They come on to me and I really don’t care. That’s on them and they will have to pay the consequences if they get caught.

Wow. What a c@nt. Most decent people would care about kids. F@ck ‘em, they’re not yours, right?

Karma, B@tch. Enjoy twat cancer.

Sorry, make that “enjoy nut cancer”.

I’m going to enjoy alright. Enjoy nutting on your Mom...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. In response to your questions (I am the wife BTW):
--spouse had an affair and wants to be with AP.
--My kids are both under 7.
--I have an attorney, but we should be able to avoid litigation.
--Married for 12 years.

Thanks for all the suggestions. I'm definitely NOT ready to date or hook up. Are there a lot of divorced 40YOs on dating apps? I can't imagine I would ever meet someone organically. My world has been so small the past few years.

Hey OP....I'm in a somewhat similar situation...my work is really busy for the next month, but I'm hoping to find buddies going through divorce too for wine, commiseration, etc. I live in DC, have liberal politics, work full-time in a professional career. If you're interested in a new friend, reply and I'll offer an email. But no worries if not interested