Reply to What are the most important and helpful things you did early in your divorce?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Hired an attorney vs mediator (advice from DCUM!)
It felt good to not think about how to file and having someone on my side. 
Didn’t listen to ppl like a PP who mentioned Divorce Legacy :) Kid became less agitated and easier to deal with and just started doing better all around.
Never disclosing my financial state of affairs to stbx. 
I regret not going to therapy.
Also I am half way through so take my advice with a grain of salt.[/quote]

The whole point of the Unexpected Legacy of Divorce is that the consequences are long-lasting.  Just because your kid *seems* fine at the moment does not mean there won't be problems later.  Kids often don't really understand how divorce is going to play out over the course of their lives.  They will be dealing with it for many decades to come and their opinions and feelings about it may vary over time.  Divorce is not a one-time event.  It's a lifelong state of being.

Divorcing parents are often overly optimistic about how their children will cope, and refuse to acknowledge when children aren't coping well.  So don't be so quick to conclude that things are fine.  Children will often tell their parents what they think their parents want to hear.  [/quote]

This is no reason to stay with a cheating spouse. [/quote]

The book isn't about directing people not to divorce.  It helps people be realistic about how their children may react and how best to handle things in the short term and the long term.  It's important to avoid wishful thinking and be mentally prepared for issues that may arise.  I am divorced and thought it was a very helpful and eye-opening read.[/quote]

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