Utterly and helplessly in love

[Anonymous]

You aren’t in control here. He’s working to control you. This kind of game has no winners

Take some time out. A good relationship gives you butterflies and you feel a little nervous but is so drama-free you can’t eke out three paragraphs about it

[Anonymous]

Sounds like a sub/dom relationship if that floats your boat.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. So here are a few examples of how he purposefully creates situations where I don’t get my way, in the hopes that it will toughen me up and make me less spoiled.

1) we text a lot daily. We give each other quick responses when possible, and I enjoy the consistency of the conversation. He may take a day off purposefully, because he wants me to be able to want something, not get it, and be ok with it

2) similarly with time spent together. He showers me with affection and attention. He himself enjoys spending a lot of time together. Occasionally he purposefully pulls back for a little bit. He says I need to be able to trust that he is fully in the relationship, and be an adult and deal with the uncomfortable feelings that arise when I sometimes don’t get my way.


Again, I admit I am super duper spoiled, and I feel even more bratty with my boyfriend. The reason being that he shows love to me in ways that are extremely fulfilling to me. I have never been with a man who’s expressions of love make me feel warm to this degree. Because I like to be in control, I want those expressions on command and he sees that, and wants to break that expectation.

Do I just need to show more maturity here?

I think your boyfriend is immature. I wouldn’t want to be in a relationship like this. He sounds really bratty at best and controlling at worst. Sorry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like a sub/dom relationship if that floats your boat.

Actually what OP describes sounds more like a pick up artist’s approach to a relationship. Huge red flag.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He’s controlling and plays games. Run. Then work on yourself. Learn to be alone for a little while.

Agreed. Something is off. Run.

[Anonymous]

He is a pickup artist (PUA) and this behavior is not pushing you to "grow' it is manipulation. I'd ask about his previous relationships, but only out of curiosity to confirm the suspicion on my way out the door.

[Anonymous]

You both sound about 12 years old. If you’re not looking for a life partner to have kids with, enjoy him for the sex, but you both have a ton of growing to do. If he doesn’t really like you now when it’s all new and hot to the point where he finds himself taking breaks from you, it’s only going to get worse later.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. So here are a few examples of how he purposefully creates situations where I don’t get my way, in the hopes that it will toughen me up and make me less spoiled.

1) we text a lot daily. We give each other quick responses when possible, and I enjoy the consistency of the conversation. He may take a day off purposefully, because he wants me to be able to want something, not get it, and be ok with it

2) similarly with time spent together. He showers me with affection and attention. He himself enjoys spending a lot of time together. Occasionally he purposefully pulls back for a little bit. He says I need to be able to trust that he is fully in the relationship, and be an adult and deal with the uncomfortable feelings that arise when I sometimes don’t get my way.


Again, I admit I am super duper spoiled, and I feel even more bratty with my boyfriend. The reason being that he shows love to me in ways that are extremely fulfilling to me. I have never been with a man who’s expressions of love make me feel warm to this degree. Because I like to be in control, I want those expressions on command and he sees that, and wants to break that expectation.

No. That’s crappy weird game playing. I thought you were going to say that you had to get everything your way. But it’s just mean to intentionally not text you back or spend time with you to “teach you a lesson.” Who would want to be with someone like that? Those examples you gave aren’t controlling. They are examples of how normal people behave when they’re into someone.

It’s one thing if he’s a person who needs more alone time, and he tells you that as a reason for why he might sometimes not be totally available. But to tell you he’s doing it intentionally so you won’t be spoiled? By what? Affection?

Dump this dude. Now.

Do I just need to show more maturity here?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like a sub/dom relationship if that floats your boat.

Yeah. But that’s consensual! That’s an agreed upon dynamic by people. This doesn’t sound consensual.

[Anonymous]

He’s manipulating you in a bad way. Love is accepting the other person not training them like a dog. He doesn’t accept you as you are and it’s not his place or his business to change you. I had. BF like this he made me addicted to sex lol. But he was psycho.