Utterly and helplessly in love

[Anonymous]

I’m a person who likes to be in control of things. I’ll also admit that I really like being catered to by a man, in terms of getting my way. I return the favor though, and love to spoil my partners in ways they like as well. I’ve allowed myself to fall in love with my boyfriend. Though at times it feels great, other times it feels frustrating. Being in love has this large element of not being in control. My boyfriend knows that I like to be in control and pokes fun at me about it. Normally when a man doesn’t like this trait about me they get angry by it, but my boyfriend laughs it off. He purposefully doesn’t give me my way, to teach me to handle not getting my way. I have never dated a man like this. I’m used to men just mostly giving me what I want. I am so in love with this man. He pushes me to grow in a lot of areas. This spoiled thing is driving me crazy though! Have I met my match? Or do I need someone who will spoil me more?

Also, I know the world doesn’t revolve around me in general, but in romantic situations that’s how I like feel. I don’t want anyone to think I’m just some total brat as a person.

[Anonymous]

This could be a man you can respect or, conversely, he may a control freak biding his time while he chips away at your autonomy bit by bit until he's got you under his control.

[Anonymous]

I couldn’t stand to date someone who was happy to be a doormat. I like being challenged and pushed as I know it helps me develop as a person.

[Anonymous]

Depends on what you mean by “teach me to handle not getting my way.” I need a few examples.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Depends on what you mean by “teach me to handle not getting my way.” I need a few examples.

Sounds creepy.

[Anonymous]

Nothing anybody on here can do for you.
Sounds like sentiments you need to express to your boyfriend and make him aware of your thoughts/feelings.

[Anonymous]

OP here. So here are a few examples of how he purposefully creates situations where I don’t get my way, in the hopes that it will toughen me up and make me less spoiled.

1) we text a lot daily. We give each other quick responses when possible, and I enjoy the consistency of the conversation. He may take a day off purposefully, because he wants me to be able to want something, not get it, and be ok with it

2) similarly with time spent together. He showers me with affection and attention. He himself enjoys spending a lot of time together. Occasionally he purposefully pulls back for a little bit. He says I need to be able to trust that he is fully in the relationship, and be an adult and deal with the uncomfortable feelings that arise when I sometimes don’t get my way.


Again, I admit I am super duper spoiled, and I feel even more bratty with my boyfriend. The reason being that he shows love to me in ways that are extremely fulfilling to me. I have never been with a man who’s expressions of love make me feel warm to this degree. Because I like to be in control, I want those expressions on command and he sees that, and wants to break that expectation.

Do I just need to show more maturity here?

[Anonymous]

He’s controlling and plays games. Run. Then work on yourself. Learn to be alone for a little while.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He’s controlling and plays games. Run. Then work on yourself. Learn to be alone for a little while.

Good call. He's paternalist, condescending and likely a psycho.

[Anonymous]

It sounds like you are high maintenance and he is over it, but still sticks with you for sex.

He has to be either ok with how you are, or not- but game playing is not cool

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He’s controlling and plays games. Run. Then work on yourself. Learn to be alone for a little while.

How is he controlling? He’s saying upfront why he’s doing it.
I see it spicing things up so that it’s not always the evident.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He’s controlling and plays games. Run. Then work on yourself. Learn to be alone for a little while.

Absolutely. A partnership is about meeting each other's needs, not demanding to be in charge and then excusing it by "spoiling" the partner.

[Anonymous]

I’ve dated a guy like this and it is a strategy used to make a woman fall in love quickly and deeply. There’s literally playbooks about it and it is definitely a sign to get the f out immediately. It is psychological manipulation so there will be a lot of mental anguish and pain at first which will linger for awhile, but it is nothing compared to the heartbreak you will feel if you let this go further. Good luck to you. Some people on here will say I’m being dramatic but I am completely serious. This is becoming increasingly common unfortunately.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’ve dated a guy like this and it is a strategy used to make a woman fall in love quickly and deeply. There’s literally playbooks about it and it is definitely a sign to get the f out immediately. It is psychological manipulation so there will be a lot of mental anguish and pain at first which will linger for awhile, but it is nothing compared to the heartbreak you will feel if you let this go further. Good luck to you. Some people on here will say I’m being dramatic but I am completely serious. This is becoming increasingly common unfortunately.

What are some of the books on this?

[Anonymous]

Yeah I don't know OP, that might seem sweet now, but I see it getting old really quickly. If my husband randomly ghosted me and then tried to tell me it was for my own good, I'd be pissed and hurt. I'm a control freak too due to childhood traumas. My husband usually lets me have my way because he understands that me being in control helps me feel secure. On the flip side, if he feels strongly about something I usually concede because his happiness is really important to me. Through love, support, and trust he has shown me that the world won't fall apart if I'm not constantly in control.