Let Wife Decide?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:don't fall into the trap of "happy wife happy life" when it comes to buying things some else wants.
Also you are getting biased opinion on this website.


Assuming you are each contributing the same proportion of you income towards the home then fairness says each of your votes should be weighted according to your contribution. In other words, you make more so you contribute more so your vote carries more weight. No different than owners in a business where one owner has a greater % ownership share.

Don’t bother buying a house, just get divorced already.

[Anonymous]

Wife here- My husband makes 6x what I do (I’m a teacher) and he always has let me take the lead on the homes we purchase. We’ve been married almost 20 years and this is our 4th house together.

[Anonymous]

Ugh you are an insufferable a**hole for even having to ask when your preference is slight and she has fallen in love AND because in your mind YOU are buying her a home when she also works. You make me sick.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Happy wife happy life is a really sexist saying. Toxic masculinity at its finest.


However OP it doesn't sound like that is what you are doing. You are considering both people's feelings and hers are stronger. I agree with others that when one person has no strong feelings and the ther does, the stronger feelings lead.

How is that sexist and toxic masculinity? How is your pleasing your wife sexiest? Happy wife happy life benefits women. It’s female privilege.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Happy wife happy life is a really sexist saying. Toxic masculinity at its finest.


However OP it doesn't sound like that is what you are doing. You are considering both people's feelings and hers are stronger. I agree with others that when one person has no strong feelings and the ther does, the stronger feelings lead.

How is that sexist and toxic masculinity? How is your pleasing your wife sexiest? Happy wife happy life benefits women. It’s female privilege.

Is the PP serious? They don't understand why infantilizing women is toxic?

[Anonymous]

From a practical perspective I think it's unlikely you will find a house that both of you like equally above and beyond all other houses due to what appear to be slightly different preferences. Do you like this house even though you like the other one a little better? If you like it I would probably go for it.

Also, the way RE is so crazy around here you may not even get the house so be prepared for that possibility. Alternatively, it may also be a while before you find a house in the location you're looking for that is satisfactory to both of you which would be another reason to go for this one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You're buying her the home? Meaning she doesn't work and didn't bring any assets into the marriage?

Way to go nasty!

This guy sounds like a gem. When he refers to buying her a home he's talking about making the decision based on her being in love with the house. I love what he says about her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You're buying her the home? Meaning she doesn't work and didn't bring any assets into the marriage?

Way to go nasty!

This guy sounds like a gem. When he refers to buying her a home he's talking about making the decision based on her being in love with the house. I love what he says about her.

A gem? Then why does he have to ask strangers what to do? Is he so unused to giving in to wife? Is he looking for praise from this woman-centric board? So strange to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Happy wife happy life is a really sexist saying. Toxic masculinity at its finest.


However OP it doesn't sound like that is what you are doing. You are considering both people's feelings and hers are stronger. I agree with others that when one person has no strong feelings and the ther does, the stronger feelings lead.

You are probably divorced acting like married here.

[Anonymous]

Happy wife happy life is a sexist trope that says a man / husband's duty is to put aside his own thoughts, feelings, and opinions and just always concede to keep his wife happy. It is the ultimate beta man or me nice guy where his only role is to be the 'yes dear' and 'whatever makes you happy dear'. It comes from a position of not being equals. Of men seeing women as needing a man who just does their bidding and focuses on their happiness at the expense of his own. It comes from a position of a man not having a right to happiness or a say in his own life. It treats women like they aren't capable of being equal partners and alway need to get their way.

It is just a horrible attitude. And it is just as bad if a wife dedicates her life to making her husband happy, putting aside her needs, wants. Opinions and feelings in deference to his at all times.

Either way it is an unhealthy and sexist dynamic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why has she fallen in love with it and why do you think the other house is better? This is the kind of question that requires knowing the pros and cons of both choices.

OP here. She prefers the layout to the other home. Her choice is a little smaller ( not by much) than the home I want. I like the floors and the layout of the bedrooms more in the other house. She prefers the layout and floors in the other home. She likes that her choice has a fireplace. Both are very nice and not much of a difference bedroom or size wise.

In this case, yes, I’d go with what she likes better.

Same here. Similar size and quality, and you're just talking about bedroom layouts and floors -- this isn't a case where someone is in love with the vibe of a house or a few features, and not taking into account serious problems in quality, or convenience, or the like.

[Anonymous]

When we moved into our current home, DH took the lead on scouting because he moved here first. The plan was I was going to arrive Spring break and we'd really hit it that week, hopefully go under contract. Instead, he found this house and absolutely fell in love with it. I mean, dripping in enthusiasm and just really excited to have found it. We had purchased three other homes together and I trusted his judgment and we bought it sight unseen (except FaceTime) for me. I'm pretty happy with it, but never totally shared his enthusiasm. Who cares, he frickin' loves it!

Skip ahead, the car I generally drove was totaled in an accident (not my fault!) and I thought we'd be better off upgrading rather than buying the same car, trying to correct for some of the things the other car wasn't quite good for us anymore on (we now live near a beach and take a lot of beach equipment in the car and the trunk was a little too small). So I pushed for the upgraded car, and he gave on that one (plus the fear I had for driving, I needed a tank!!).

It all comes out eventually.

[Anonymous]

Yes, if she loves it why not. She will make the house a home

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes. Happy wife, happy life, as the saying goes.

It's a saying for a reason!

Always sounded like extortion to me

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If your preference is only slight, then yes. If you have a strong preference, I would say to keep looking.

Surely OP has made values based decisions before. List out what each of you and both of you value in a property (upkeep, location, schools,
Laundry upstairs, walk out basement, sidewalks, garage, yard, schools, commute roads near, Community, amenities near, tax rate ok, etc) and weight your top and bottom ones, then discuss.

Easy decision making process equals a decision.

If you’ve done all that and you merely like the basketball hoop and she likes the kitchen then yeah let her Too pick win.