Single mom by choice-Am I crazy?

[Anonymous]

Good for you. And yes, have a kid soon. Sperm is cheap. Get it and inject it up there. You can pick out the exact type of guy you find the cutest, and get their sperm, without having to deal with the messy relationship business, for like $500. You already know what to expect so why not? Just get it done sooner rather than later. If you miss this window, you will regret it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Good for you. And yes, have a kid soon. Sperm is cheap. Get it and inject it up there. You can pick out the exact type of guy you find the cutest, and get their sperm, without having to deal with the messy relationship business, for like $500. You already know what to expect so why not? Just get it done sooner rather than later. If you miss this window, you will regret it.

Yes to all of this.

Op, if your finances and job are such that it will not cause a hardship, absolutely do it.

[Anonymous]

I’m a single mom by choice. I’ve seen several other SMBCs get baby fever for baby number two and they jeopardized their existing family stability to do it. And for one of them the walls caved in and they wound up broke and homeless. If you really feel the need to add to,your family at this age, it’s a conversation you would want to have with your current child - do they want to be part of a larger family? If you are both sure this is a good thing, then I would strongly recommend fostering. Don’t do the baby thing again. Add an older child to your family. At this point, that’s the only thing I would consider with my tween. Being an SMBC means no backup, no weekends off when your older child is with dad, no money coming in, so no deciding to go part time when a crisis comes up.

You have a child. Don’t jeopardize your current child because you think babies are fun in your forties.

[Anonymous]

At 42 you still are in the window to get pregnant, and depending on how fertile you are that window could last for a few more years. But it's closing, and you want to get on it as soon as possible. it seems to me you've been thinking on this a lot already, and it's been nagging at you for a while, before you finally brought it to DCUM to try to get us to talk you out of it. If you have this want in your heart, you should bring it out and make it happen. The desire/urge is not going to go away, and if you've been thinking about it for years, then you know it's something that you really, really want. Therefore, it's a lot better to try now, while you still have a chance. As others have said, sperm is relatively cheap (compared to the cost of buying eggs- astronomically expensive). Buy some. Start looking around on sperm donation sites. They only accept sperm from top quality guys under the age of 35- probably much better quality guys than you will run into around here. So go for it. You can select for ethnic background/looks/education/whatever else you want, and find someone that will match up/produce a kid that looks like you. DO IT. Dont miss this opportunity. I can tell your intuition is screaming at you- it's time to listen.

[Anonymous]

Go for it. You already know how much work a kid is so you're not going into it blind. If you use donor material, considering you already have one kid, you'll have to make peace with the fact they only share your biology (I personally don't think this is a huge deal but people definitely feel some kind of way about this a lot of the time, so that's why I mention it.)

Make sure you have a sh*t ton of life insurance and someone you feel comfortable appointing the guardian should something happen to you.

If I were in your situation I would do it. Good luck, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Let me start by saying I’ve been divorced for 8 years. I have a 15 year old and I really want another child. My dating life is nonexistent so I’ve been considering having a baby on my own. I know it’s better to get married first, but I’ve been there, done that. Plus if I wait until I meet the right one, it may be too late. I’m almost 42 so I would like to have a baby with the next year or two. Am I crazy for considering this?

Are you crazy? I don't know but it is irresponsible to and stupid to have a child without a committed partner. Also, 42 is too old nomatter what anyone says.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Let me start by saying I’ve been divorced for 8 years. I have a 15 year old and I really want another child. My dating life is nonexistent so I’ve been considering having a baby on my own. I know it’s better to get married first, but I’ve been there, done that. Plus if I wait until I meet the right one, it may be too late. I’m almost 42 so I would like to have a baby with the next year or two. Am I crazy for considering this?

Are you crazy? I don't know but it is irresponsible to and stupid to have a child without a committed partner. Also, 42 is too old nomatter what anyone says.

Says who? I have two grandmothers who had kids in their 40s.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes. Get married. Kids need a father figure.

Children need a father and that baby will need family outside of you. The only thing I would consider is asking XH if he'd be willing to father another.

FWIW, I don't think you're crazy. You need to think this through. What are the implications for your son, you career, your future lifestyle, and the life of that child once you're gone?

I don’t think his wife would be okay with that.

Then there is your answer. Get married before having that baby. Or, let the moment pass and chalk it up to hormonal changes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Let me start by saying I’ve been divorced for 8 years. I have a 15 year old and I really want another child. My dating life is nonexistent so I’ve been considering having a baby on my own. I know it’s better to get married first, but I’ve been there, done that. Plus if I wait until I meet the right one, it may be too late. I’m almost 42 so I would like to have a baby with the next year or two. Am I crazy for considering this?

Are you crazy? I don't know but it is irresponsible to and stupid to have a child without a committed partner. Also, 42 is too old nomatter what anyone says.

Says who? I have two grandmothers who had kids in their 40s.

Not their first kids, I’d bet.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Let me start by saying I’ve been divorced for 8 years. I have a 15 year old and I really want another child. My dating life is nonexistent so I’ve been considering having a baby on my own. I know it’s better to get married first, but I’ve been there, done that. Plus if I wait until I meet the right one, it may be too late. I’m almost 42 so I would like to have a baby with the next year or two. Am I crazy for considering this?

Are you crazy? I don't know but it is irresponsible to and stupid to have a child without a committed partner. Also, 42 is too old nomatter what anyone says.

Says who? I have two grandmothers who had kids in their 40s.

Not their first kids, I’d bet.

It's not OP's first kid either, so what's your point?

OP, you might want to join your local or the national SMC group. There are areas for thinkers and tryers (triers?).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Let me start by saying I’ve been divorced for 8 years. I have a 15 year old and I really want another child. My dating life is nonexistent so I’ve been considering having a baby on my own. I know it’s better to get married first, but I’ve been there, done that. Plus if I wait until I meet the right one, it may be too late. I’m almost 42 so I would like to have a baby with the next year or two. Am I crazy for considering this?

Are you crazy? I don't know but it is irresponsible to and stupid to have a child without a committed partner. Also, 42 is too old nomatter what anyone says.

I got screwed the first time around with a husband so...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes. Get married. Kids need a father figure.

Children need a father and that baby will need family outside of you. The only thing I would consider is asking XH if he'd be willing to father another.

FWIW, I don't think you're crazy. You need to think this through. What are the implications for your son, you career, your future lifestyle, and the life of that child once you're gone?

I don’t think his wife would be okay with that.

Then there is your answer. Get married before having that baby. Or, let the moment pass and chalk it up to hormonal changes.

You make it sound like I can just go out and find a random guy and say, "Let's get married and have a baby!"

[Anonymous]

I am the SMBC above who adopted. About 50% of my local chapter were over 40. I brought my daughter home at 40; she was 7 months old; paperwork and travel took about a year. Cost me about 22K in 1999- 2000. 10K was tax deductible.

About 10% of the moms were birthing or adopting their 2nd child. We are all smart, successful women who are financially stable (not rich) and had done a lot of planning. It's been 20 years but nearly al of us are still in touch. No one has a single regret. When we get together we get giddy remembering those days waiting to be moms.

I agree you need to discuss this with your current child.

[Anonymous]

As a divorce attorney, my advice would be absolutely yes. You never have to worry about having custody taken from you.

[Anonymous]

Some trolls on here! Probably religious wackos.