Gender Disappointment

[Anonymous]

I only have a sister and will be honest that when DS was born there was a twinge of disappointment for me that DD won’t have a sister. The bond my sister and I have is great and I hoped DD would have the same thing. I don’t know what their relationship will be yet but I have high hops.

I think what you are feeling is normal. You know the dynamics of having a son and a daughter is new territory. I don’t know much about having a son just yet (only 2 months in!)but I can tell you that a daughter is a joy. She is the light of my life and the tiniest mirror of my good and bad. The disappointment will pass and there will be so many good times ahead. Let yourself feel however you want for now. Good luck OP!

[Anonymous]

Okay to mourn, but definitely talk through your feelings regarding your Mom with a professional. Bad family dynamics have a way of passing on poison through the generations. You're the mom now; don't do that to your kids (your son will definitely be affected if your relationship with your daughter is bad.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I only have a sister and will be honest that when DS was born there was a twinge of disappointment for me that DD won’t have a sister. The bond my sister and I have is great and I hoped DD would have the same thing. I don’t know what their relationship will be yet but I have high hops.

I think what you are feeling is normal. You know the dynamics of having a son and a daughter is new territory. I don’t know much about having a son just yet (only 2 months in!)but I can tell you that a daughter is a joy. She is the light of my life and the tiniest mirror of my good and bad. The disappointment will pass and there will be so many good times ahead. Let yourself feel however you want for now. Good luck OP!

This was me. It wasn't that I didn't want a boy, it was that I always envisioned having two of the same, and my girl came first! My sister and I are super close, and I wanted my daughter to have that special bond with her sibling. Well our second and last was a boy! I'll admit I was disappointed when we first found out. And I was SUPER annoyed people kept saying, "Now you have one of each and can stop!" But of course I was totally in love with him once he arrived, and his big sister is too.

I don't have a great relationship with my mom. I just make mental notes every time she does something nuts to not do the same thing to my daughter (or my son!) one day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow, OP. This baby could have had a major health condition or disability, and here you are complaining about its gender. Count your blessings.

OP here. We had tests done and the baby is fine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Feel sad for a few days and then move on. Maybe you were blessed with a daughter to help you work through your issues with women. Often women that do not get along with other women have some internal issues. Hopefully your daughter will motivate you to work through those.

I agree. The need of OP to tear down her mom so much and take the side of men, is reminsicent of how men make women sound "crazy," irrational and how women are the worst enforcers of patriarchy there can be. Women ought to stick together, and not side with men. The reason some women are not the most pleasant, in some cases, not all, is that they had to put up with people like OP who rather suck up to men, instead of realizing that perhaps her mom had problems bcs she might have been labled as difficult by men who are jerks. This all sounds like OP is holding her mom to an impossible standard, while men are great because OP and our society has basically much lower expectations of men. What did men in your life do OP that your mom did not? What caused you to put men on a pedestal?

OP here. Please don’t turn this into some patriarchy bs. I did not need to hold my mom to a standard because she set that standard for herself. She was a terrible mother and that was not because of me. My mom left me and my siblings when I was 4 to have a family with another man. My dad was an alcoholic and abusive and she left us there while she had a guy with lots of money and had a new baby. The only time she ever came around was once in a while with a Christmas present or to buy us a pair of cheap shoes. We eventually went to live with her and she treated her new child much better than us. She could never do anything wrong but we were constantly physically and mentally abused. When I didn’t have my first boyfriend until I was 20 because of sexual abuse as a child, she told my entire family I was a lesbian. This is some of the many reasons I do not have a good relationship with her.

[Anonymous]

Wow, this is refreshing! Almost ALL gender disappointment posts are about boys.

[Anonymous]

OP here. I’m not going to apologize for having some level of disappointment because I feel it’s normal. There are many posts on here and other sites about women saying this about never having a a daughter or having a boy instead of a girl. I don’t know why I’m met with such hate when they are met with such love.

I don’t hate my child. I’m a planner. Have you ever had a life you envisioned for yourself and not that’s not happening? It doesn’t mean I won’t love my daughter. I never had a great relationship with my mom ( went to therapy for it) but I will be sure not to put that negative issues on to my relationship with my children.

I grew up with 4 brothers with is why I said I relate more to boys. I’m a very girly woman with lots of female friends. I see my brothers being best friends and when I had a boy, I always hoped I would have another to give him that same kind of relationship my brothers have.

We are excited and happy. I’m only 11 weeks but baby is looking good.

I’m sure as I start to get further along and shop for a little girl that I will become more excited. I have no doubt I will love this child just as much as my first.

[Anonymous]

Ignore everyone OP. You're entitled to your feelings. It's really hard not to project our pasts to some degree onto our futures- I think it's something we all struggle with. Even good family dynamics can be toxic in creating expectations for future generations that may or may not be fulfilled.

I'm currently pregnant and don't know the sex because I wanted to envision both and get myself excited about the possibility of either sex. When my pregnancy started, I definitely had a strong preference for a girl. While I'm not the kind of person who strongly envisioned a particular or specific life for myself (i.e., gender or number of children), my mom had one daughter and so did her mom, and so I did feel some connection to that past. But now that my due date is around the corner, I think having a boy could be pretty cool too! I have thought about the moment of hearing it is a boy and considered that I may feel some disappointment but part of not finding out in advance is that hopefully in that moment I'll be so out of it/relieved/dumbstruck that I won't care lol. Good luck!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Feel sad for a few days and then move on. Maybe you were blessed with a daughter to help you work through your issues with women. Often women that do not get along with other women have some internal issues. Hopefully your daughter will motivate you to work through those.

I agree. The need of OP to tear down her mom so much and take the side of men, is reminsicent of how men make women sound "crazy," irrational and how women are the worst enforcers of patriarchy there can be. Women ought to stick together, and not side with men. The reason some women are not the most pleasant, in some cases, not all, is that they had to put up with people like OP who rather suck up to men, instead of realizing that perhaps her mom had problems bcs she might have been labled as difficult by men who are jerks. This all sounds like OP is holding her mom to an impossible standard, while men are great because OP and our society has basically much lower expectations of men. What did men in your life do OP that your mom did not? What caused you to put men on a pedestal?

OP here. Please don’t turn this into some patriarchy bs. I did not need to hold my mom to a standard because she set that standard for herself. She was a terrible mother and that was not because of me. My mom left me and my siblings when I was 4 to have a family with another man. My dad was an alcoholic and abusive and she left us there while she had a guy with lots of money and had a new baby. The only time she ever came around was once in a while with a Christmas present or to buy us a pair of cheap shoes. We eventually went to live with her and she treated her new child much better than us. She could never do anything wrong but we were constantly physically and mentally abused. When I didn’t have my first boyfriend until I was 20 because of sexual abuse as a child, she told my entire family I was a lesbian. This is some of the many reasons I do not have a good relationship with her.

And yet, here you are disliking you unborn baby girl bcs she is a GIRL! You are messed up, and you are already messing up your dd's life. Your first thought upon hearing you are having a girl is about you hating your mom and hence the idea of having a daughter. Honestly, you are unfit to be a mother to any child! Deal with you crap first, so you can be a fit mother. How does your unborn daughter have anything to do with your hate for your mom? But, she does, as you clearly show with your line of thinking. You hate your mom, with reason, but what is your reason for hating all women? How do you justify your dad leaving you with your abusive mom, yet forgiving him and think men are more your cup of tea? You are an utter patriarchal enforcer! Why are you not tearing down your dad here? He was abusive and an alcoholic, so ask yourself, why are you besties with men? Instead of hating them too? What a hypocrite! Bcs mom is a "girl" and she should do better? Why were you not having same exact feeling when you had a boy? Moms must be saints, but daddy can be an abusive drunk and that made you be besties with men! What utter patriarchal crap, my dear!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I’m not going to apologize for having some level of disappointment because I feel it’s normal. There are many posts on here and other sites about women saying this about never having a a daughter or having a boy instead of a girl. I don’t know why I’m met with such hate when they are met with such love.

I don’t hate my child. I’m a planner. Have you ever had a life you envisioned for yourself and not that’s not happening? It doesn’t mean I won’t love my daughter. I never had a great relationship with my mom ( went to therapy for it) but I will be sure not to put that negative issues on to my relationship with my children.

I grew up with 4 brothers with is why I said I relate more to boys. I’m a very girly woman with lots of female friends. I see my brothers being best friends and when I had a boy, I always hoped I would have another to give him that same kind of relationship my brothers have.

We are excited and happy. I’m only 11 weeks but baby is looking good.

I’m sure as I start to get further along and shop for a little girl that I will become more excited. I have no doubt I will love this child just as much as my first.

But you had a great relationship with your drunk abusive dad? How so?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow, this is refreshing! Almost ALL gender disappointment posts are about boys.

I don't think that's true at all. I do think that those posts bother you more so they stand out to you and you think there are more of them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Feel sad for a few days and then move on. Maybe you were blessed with a daughter to help you work through your issues with women. Often women that do not get along with other women have some internal issues. Hopefully your daughter will motivate you to work through those.

I agree. The need of OP to tear down her mom so much and take the side of men, is reminsicent of how men make women sound "crazy," irrational and how women are the worst enforcers of patriarchy there can be. Women ought to stick together, and not side with men. The reason some women are not the most pleasant, in some cases, not all, is that they had to put up with people like OP who rather suck up to men, instead of realizing that perhaps her mom had problems bcs she might have been labled as difficult by men who are jerks. This all sounds like OP is holding her mom to an impossible standard, while men are great because OP and our society has basically much lower expectations of men. What did men in your life do OP that your mom did not? What caused you to put men on a pedestal?

OP here. Please don’t turn this into some patriarchy bs. I did not need to hold my mom to a standard because she set that standard for herself. She was a terrible mother and that was not because of me. My mom left me and my siblings when I was 4 to have a family with another man. My dad was an alcoholic and abusive and she left us there while she had a guy with lots of money and had a new baby. The only time she ever came around was once in a while with a Christmas present or to buy us a pair of cheap shoes. We eventually went to live with her and she treated her new child much better than us. She could never do anything wrong but we were constantly physically and mentally abused. When I didn’t have my first boyfriend until I was 20 because of sexual abuse as a child, she told my entire family I was a lesbian. This is some of the many reasons I do not have a good relationship with her.

And yet, here you are disliking you unborn baby girl bcs she is a GIRL! You are messed up, and you are already messing up your dd's life. Your first thought upon hearing you are having a girl is about you hating your mom and hence the idea of having a daughter. Honestly, you are unfit to be a mother to any child! Deal with you crap first, so you can be a fit mother. How does your unborn daughter have anything to do with your hate for your mom? But, she does, as you clearly show with your line of thinking. You hate your mom, with reason, but what is your reason for hating all women? How do you justify your dad leaving you with your abusive mom, yet forgiving him and think men are more your cup of tea? You are an utter patriarchal enforcer! Why are you not tearing down your dad here? He was abusive and an alcoholic, so ask yourself, why are you besties with men? Instead of hating them too? What a hypocrite! Bcs mom is a "girl" and she should do better? Why were you not having same exact feeling when you had a boy? Moms must be saints, but daddy can be an abusive drunk and that made you be besties with men! What utter patriarchal crap, my dear!

Who needs Jerry Springer! by the time I've popped my popcorn, I expect at least another 3 such comments.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Feel sad for a few days and then move on. Maybe you were blessed with a daughter to help you work through your issues with women. Often women that do not get along with other women have some internal issues. Hopefully your daughter will motivate you to work through those.

I agree. The need of OP to tear down her mom so much and take the side of men, is reminsicent of how men make women sound "crazy," irrational and how women are the worst enforcers of patriarchy there can be. Women ought to stick together, and not side with men. The reason some women are not the most pleasant, in some cases, not all, is that they had to put up with people like OP who rather suck up to men, instead of realizing that perhaps her mom had problems bcs she might have been labled as difficult by men who are jerks. This all sounds like OP is holding her mom to an impossible standard, while men are great because OP and our society has basically much lower expectations of men. What did men in your life do OP that your mom did not? What caused you to put men on a pedestal?

OP here. Please don’t turn this into some patriarchy bs. I did not need to hold my mom to a standard because she set that standard for herself. She was a terrible mother and that was not because of me. My mom left me and my siblings when I was 4 to have a family with another man. My dad was an alcoholic and abusive and she left us there while she had a guy with lots of money and had a new baby. The only time she ever came around was once in a while with a Christmas present or to buy us a pair of cheap shoes. We eventually went to live with her and she treated her new child much better than us. She could never do anything wrong but we were constantly physically and mentally abused. When I didn’t have my first boyfriend until I was 20 because of sexual abuse as a child, she told my entire family I was a lesbian. This is some of the many reasons I do not have a good relationship with her.

And yet, here you are disliking you unborn baby girl bcs she is a GIRL! You are messed up, and you are already messing up your dd's life. Your first thought upon hearing you are having a girl is about you hating your mom and hence the idea of having a daughter. Honestly, you are unfit to be a mother to any child! Deal with you crap first, so you can be a fit mother. How does your unborn daughter have anything to do with your hate for your mom? But, she does, as you clearly show with your line of thinking. You hate your mom, with reason, but what is your reason for hating all women? How do you justify your dad leaving you with your abusive mom, yet forgiving him and think men are more your cup of tea? You are an utter patriarchal enforcer! Why are you not tearing down your dad here? He was abusive and an alcoholic, so ask yourself, why are you besties with men? Instead of hating them too? What a hypocrite! Bcs mom is a "girl" and she should do better? Why were you not having same exact feeling when you had a boy? Moms must be saints, but daddy can be an abusive drunk and that made you be besties with men! What utter patriarchal crap, my dear!

OP here. I don’t hate my child. I’m actually a great mother to my son and I will be a great mother to my daughter. I never said my father was a great guy. I actually don’t have a relationship with him either. I have forgiven both of them but I do not have a good relation with either of them. Born were abusive drug addicts.

I’m not even going to respond to your other stupid remarks. You’re clearly way too invested and have anger issues. You really need therapy. You don’t sound mentally sane.




You seriously need therapy. You’re a man hating woman and it shows. I hope you don’t have sons because you clearly think all men are evil. I guess every woman who is disappointed at first about having a boy is a feminist who hates men.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I’m not going to apologize for having some level of disappointment because I feel it’s normal. There are many posts on here and other sites about women saying this about never having a a daughter or having a boy instead of a girl. I don’t know why I’m met with such hate when they are met with such love.

I don’t hate my child. I’m a planner. Have you ever had a life you envisioned for yourself and not that’s not happening? It doesn’t mean I won’t love my daughter. I never had a great relationship with my mom ( went to therapy for it) but I will be sure not to put that negative issues on to my relationship with my children.

I grew up with 4 brothers with is why I said I relate more to boys. I’m a very girly woman with lots of female friends. I see my brothers being best friends and when I had a boy, I always hoped I would have another to give him that same kind of relationship my brothers have.

We are excited and happy. I’m only 11 weeks but baby is looking good.

I’m sure as I start to get further along and shop for a little girl that I will become more excited. I have no doubt I will love this child just as much as my first.

But you had a great relationship with your drunk abusive dad? How so?

OP here. No. I don’t have a relationship with him either. I have forgiven both of them but don’t have a relationship with either of them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Feel sad for a few days and then move on. Maybe you were blessed with a daughter to help you work through your issues with women. Often women that do not get along with other women have some internal issues. Hopefully your daughter will motivate you to work through those.

I agree. The need of OP to tear down her mom so much and take the side of men, is reminsicent of how men make women sound "crazy," irrational and how women are the worst enforcers of patriarchy there can be. Women ought to stick together, and not side with men. The reason some women are not the most pleasant, in some cases, not all, is that they had to put up with people like OP who rather suck up to men, instead of realizing that perhaps her mom had problems bcs she might have been labled as difficult by men who are jerks. This all sounds like OP is holding her mom to an impossible standard, while men are great because OP and our society has basically much lower expectations of men. What did men in your life do OP that your mom did not? What caused you to put men on a pedestal?

OP here. Please don’t turn this into some patriarchy bs. I did not need to hold my mom to a standard because she set that standard for herself. She was a terrible mother and that was not because of me. My mom left me and my siblings when I was 4 to have a family with another man. My dad was an alcoholic and abusive and she left us there while she had a guy with lots of money and had a new baby. The only time she ever came around was once in a while with a Christmas present or to buy us a pair of cheap shoes. We eventually went to live with her and she treated her new child much better than us. She could never do anything wrong but we were constantly physically and mentally abused. When I didn’t have my first boyfriend until I was 20 because of sexual abuse as a child, she told my entire family I was a lesbian. This is some of the many reasons I do not have a good relationship with her.

And yet, here you are disliking you unborn baby girl bcs she is a GIRL! You are messed up, and you are already messing up your dd's life. Your first thought upon hearing you are having a girl is about you hating your mom and hence the idea of having a daughter. Honestly, you are unfit to be a mother to any child! Deal with you crap first, so you can be a fit mother. How does your unborn daughter have anything to do with your hate for your mom? But, she does, as you clearly show with your line of thinking. You hate your mom, with reason, but what is your reason for hating all women? How do you justify your dad leaving you with your abusive mom, yet forgiving him and think men are more your cup of tea? You are an utter patriarchal enforcer! Why are you not tearing down your dad here? He was abusive and an alcoholic, so ask yourself, why are you besties with men? Instead of hating them too? What a hypocrite! Bcs mom is a "girl" and she should do better? Why were you not having same exact feeling when you had a boy? Moms must be saints, but daddy can be an abusive drunk and that made you be besties with men! What utter patriarchal crap, my dear!

OP here. I don’t hate my child. I’m actually a great mother to my son and I will be a great mother to my daughter. I never said my father was a great guy. I actually don’t have a relationship with him either. I have forgiven both of them but I do not have a good relation with either of them. Born were abusive drug addicts.

I’m not even going to respond to your other stupid remarks. You’re clearly way too invested and have anger issues. You really need therapy. You don’t sound mentally sane.




You seriously need therapy. You’re a man hating woman and it shows. I hope you don’t have sons because you clearly think all men are evil. I guess every woman who is disappointed at first about having a boy is a feminist who hates men.

Not op but get yourself some therapy, dear. Your responses are truly terrifying and sounds like they are coming from someone with severe mental health issues.

Wanting all boys don’t not mean you hate all women. You sound unhinged.