Running laps as punishment

[Anonymous]

OP, the way you tell this... I just don't know.

I guess I'm on Team Two Wrongs Don't Make a Right, but IDK.

I will say here that I am someone who basically finds punishment ineffective and problematic and doesn't use it. I'm also really forgiving and understanding of developmentally normal behavior.

At the same time, this was pretty yikes-worthy behavior on the part of your son, and your dismissive (I hope just defensive?) attitude is not a good sign.

I don't agree with the coach's response in principle, though I know I can't stop everyone from using "consequences" (aka punishment) and so I teach my kid how to live in a world with them.

But if this is part of the coach's arsenal, I don't find it to be necessarily extreme or humiliating. I don't think it's too likely to be effective, either, but I do think the coach basically:

-Gave the kids a reasonable assignment (I don't think learning names, even while kicking a ball, is babyish?)

-Found that one kid wasn't "getting it"

-Offered another solution-- maybe his toned sucked, IDK, but he did offer your son another way to approach it

-Was responded to not only rudely (this is unusual behavior IMO toward a new/strange adult) but told essentially that *learning teammates' names* was unimportant.

I get that you recognize that your son's response was at least "stupid," and I get that some kids lash out when they're having anxiety (does your son have memory/attention problems?) But the coach at the very least can't let that kind of statement go unaddressed.

But if we're assigning blame, this is really almost exclusively in your son's court here. And that's from someone who finds the coach's response problematic.

[Anonymous]

Running laps is a totally acceptable thing for the coach to make your kid do, that was the way it was when I played sports as well. Unless this is travel soccer, the coaches are unpaid volunteers, most likely one of the other kids dad.

For discipline the only real options that a coach has is to have the player sit out or run laps or something like that. I would be mortified if my son talked back to a coach like that. You can be sure if it continued there would be more punishment in store at home as well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, the way you tell this... I just don't know.

I guess I'm on Team Two Wrongs Don't Make a Right, but IDK.

I will say here that I am someone who basically finds punishment ineffective and problematic and doesn't use it. I'm also really forgiving and understanding of developmentally normal behavior.

At the same time, this was pretty yikes-worthy behavior on the part of your son, and your dismissive (I hope just defensive?) attitude is not a good sign.

I don't agree with the coach's response in principle, though I know I can't stop everyone from using "consequences" (aka punishment) and so I teach my kid how to live in a world with them.

But if this is part of the coach's arsenal, I don't find it to be necessarily extreme or humiliating. I don't think it's too likely to be effective, either, but I do think the coach basically:

-Gave the kids a reasonable assignment (I don't think learning names, even while kicking a ball, is babyish?)

-Found that one kid wasn't "getting it"

-Offered another solution-- maybe his toned sucked, IDK, but he did offer your son another way to approach it

-Was responded to not only rudely (this is unusual behavior IMO toward a new/strange adult) but told essentially that *learning teammates' names* was unimportant.

I get that you recognize that your son's response was at least "stupid," and I get that some kids lash out when they're having anxiety (does your son have memory/attention problems?) But the coach at the very least can't let that kind of statement go unaddressed.

But if we're assigning blame, this is really almost exclusively in your son's court here. And that's from someone who finds the coach's response problematic.

I guess what I'm saying, OP, is what would you have preferred? I don't love the "make him run laps" thing, but at the very least, he would have had to have your son step out of the circle, because he wasn't participating, and then talk to him later.

Did you think he should have laughed it off? Or interrupt the activity right then to talk to your son? Or do you worry there will be a bad association with running laps or something?

[Anonymous]

I don’t mind coach do that I’d my kid is too mouthy. However, I will be concerned about my child running a lap because he physically cannot complete it. That is the main reason we have been encouraging him to do more outdoor activities to build up stronger core & strength. He maybe able to pull it off with walking a lap, instead of running a nap.

What if a kid possibly cannot run a lap, what would a coach do? If a coach insists & my child faints in front of me, I would be super pissed.

[Anonymous]

I’m the mom of a mouthy kid and I would 100% support the coach in this. We’d also have a conversation about how the coach is volunteering his valuable time and doesn’t deserve to be treated that way; that there’s no I in team and if he doesn’t care about his teammates he should find a different sport; and how his words may have really hurt his teammate’s feelings and his desire to be a smart alec should not be at the risk of another kid’s feelings.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t mind coach do that I’d my kid is too mouthy. However, I will be concerned about my child running a lap because he physically cannot complete it. That is the main reason we have been encouraging him to do more outdoor activities to build up stronger core & strength. He maybe able to pull it off with walking a lap, instead of running a nap.

What if a kid possibly cannot run a lap, what would a coach do? If a coach insists & my child faints in front of me, I would be super pissed.

What kid would faint from running one lap around a soccer field?!

[Anonymous]

The biggest thing I took away from this is that...I glad the coach at least had the kid dribble the ball when he made him do the lap. If he didn't, then I would have been very much against the lap. Kids don't need to do laps in general and 8 year olds don't need fitness training. I never have used exercise as a punishment. When kids acted this way, I gave them a warning and then the 2nd time I sent sat them out (like a time out), 3rd time they needed to find their parent, explain what he/she did, and have the parent bring him back to me and explain how we would go forward. Here's the thing....at 7/8 years old, they are being coached most likely by volunteer parents. I was one and then I moved on and got licenses and I coach travel now with older kids....but as a volunteer parent, I didn't have time to deal with bratting kids. I'm not a babysitter. I repeat...coaches are not babysitters, so if your kid cannot behave, work with the coach very closely. The coach has a TEAM of crazy 7/8 year olds to worry about, not teaching your kid discipline.

[Anonymous]

Your kid was being a dick. What would you have preferred?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t mind coach do that I’d my kid is too mouthy. However, I will be concerned about my child running a lap because he physically cannot complete it. That is the main reason we have been encouraging him to do more outdoor activities to build up stronger core & strength. He maybe able to pull it off with walking a lap, instead of running a nap.

What if a kid possibly cannot run a lap, what would a coach do? If a coach insists & my child faints in front of me, I would be super pissed.

What kid would faint from running one lap around a soccer field?!

One who should probably not be on a soccer team since running is a key part of soccer.

[Anonymous]

Most coaches are volunteers and get little help from other parents. Instead of critiquing his handling of your child's bad behavior, why don't you help the coach out and get your child to behave? Or better yet, volunteer to be an assistant coach and help out.

If this bothers you, sports are probably not for your family. If you have a mouthy kid, he's going to be doing a lot of extra laps, pushups, situps, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds really bratty, OP--my 8yo would never mouth off at an adult like that. And that you're here defending him suggests it's an entrenched parenting problem.

+1
OP, your kids needs to be more respectful.

+2

[Anonymous]

I'm with other PPs and would have imposed additional discipline at home for the son's behavior. Things that went wrong were
*OP's son thought he was better than everyone else and didn't need to play the game
*OP's son was dismissive/rude to the other kid (which OP excuses because he was 'humiliated')
*OP's son was mouthy to the coach, when the coach was just trying to give the son other options if he truly couldn't remember a single name of a single kid on the team
*OP's son CONTINUED to be mouthy to the coach after running the lap, because he didn't think the game was cool and he didn't think he did anything wrong.

FWIW, at my DCs school they have the kids run laps as classroom discipline and I'm 100% in favor of it. At least the kids are getting some exercise rather than sitting in a corner.

[Anonymous]

It’s really telling that OP thinks her kid was only “kind of rude”. Do everyone a favor and take your kid off the team, no one should have to tell your kid not to be outwardly rude to not only adults, but his team mates. I doubt he’ll be well liked after this first impression.

[Anonymous]

Wow, your kid has a big attitude problem.
He'll be a real treat to have on the team.

Those punishments build skill, by the way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DS 8 had his first soccer practice last night on a new team. The coach was playing some game trying to help the kids learn each other names. Like kick the ball and say their name. I’ll admit it was a little bit babyish. My DS couldn’t remember any of the names so coach pointed to a kid and said “hey, why don’t you ask him to tell you his name.” My DS was kind of rude and said “I don’t really care what his name is.” I think he just thought the game was silly. The coach got upset and made my DS dribble the ball around the soccer field once. Honestly this just upset my DS more and he was pretty mouthy the rest of the practice. I do not think the coach handled this way. My DS didn’t know a kids name, on the first day of practice, and then got embarrassed, so he said something stupid. DH thinks I should leave it alone, but the “running laps” As punishment thing is really bothering me. I didn’t think coaches still did that.

Your husband is right. Your kid was rude. You don't like it? Pull your snowflake or become a coach yourself.