Couples - are your fitness levels the same?

[Anonymous]

Another ebb and flow couple here. We're both in decent shape, not overweight, enjoy moderate physical activity like a good hike or family bike ride. Some years I get into more of a workout routine, some years he does. Neither of us will be running a marathon anytime soon.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No.

Our relationship started with many fitness related dates. About a year in, I had a number of serious health issues and had to stop exercising regularly. I gained weight. I eventually had surgery for a gyn issue and lost the weight. Then I got gastroparesis and lost too much weight. Then I treated that was diagnosed with three chronic illnesses and gained weight. When we got married, I weighed 165. Then I was hit by a car while exercising and couldn’t exercise much for 18 mos while I dealt with pain and rehab. I gained even more weight. I lost about 13 lbs in 6 months. Then DH was diagnosed with colon cancer. He has been exercising as much as he can to build up his strength and immunity. I’m pretty fat (size 16). We still have sex twice a week. I just feel bad looking in the mirror and being photographed. I also feel anxious that obesity is a corona risk. DH bought me a Fitbit so I guess that’s a gentle nudge. But it was too hot yesterday and raining this morning so now I’ve had two excuses to not go at least walk

We walked in the rain this morning. Quit making excuses.

I am 100% aware that it is a lame excuse. My issue is making the psychological leap to actually doing. In particular, I have a real hang up about exercising outside in the rain because that is how I was hit by the car. I’m not afraid of getting wet. I am afraid of another distracted driver being unable to brake in time. It as something I’ve done some therapy about but I haven’t overcome that mental barrier yet.

NP, I don't blame you. A couple of years ago I was running in a light rain, slipped on some mud while running downhill, and broke an ankle. Took months to recover to the point I could run again. I still avoid running in the rain now too. But could you at least go out for a brisk walk on a trail, away from cars? Anything to get outside, just to break through the mental block.

Thanks. Sorry for your injury.

I am working on it, but right now even walking in the rain to the store 3 blocks away or church 6 blocks away pre-COVID has been nerve wracking. I think it’s the sound of cars on wet asphalt. I would try walking with headphones, but DH thinks that is a huge risk for getting hit by a passing cyclist or even a runner. We’re having a break in rain right now so I am about to venture out.

[Anonymous]

I workout 4-5 times a week. DH does just enough to pass his PT tests.

[Anonymous]

Some form of fitness and exercise has always been a part of our lives along with reasonable eating most weeknights. It’s something that we both do because we enjoy it. I probably work out 6-8 hours per week with some combination of cycling and lifting weights. DW probably averages 4-5 hours per week which would be some combination of running and online group workout. I’d say she’s in better shape than me.

[Anonymous]

I walk 3-5 miles each day, maybe taking off 1 day per week, and DH accompanied me probably every 15th walk. We’re both on the thin side. He used to play a team sport weekly or even twice weekly...but that stopped right before COVID. I wish he’d get regular exercise for his heart. He has a great BMI and can run a mile, but being able to gut out a mile and hangs onto that like it’s a badge of honor but that doesn’t mean he is fit or heart healthy. Neither of us do anything with weights though I do some body weight resistance exercises. He’s always had a very small top frame and is getting more skeletal at the shoulders. I’m getting a slightly thicker waist. It’s frustrating that I try so hard and he does nothing but I do think I am far fitter.

[Anonymous]

^ ugh sorry for typos.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like he doesn’t have time? What can you do to help free up time?

[Anonymous]

No, my DH looks like a scrawny old man and I am fit and healthy. He stopped working out years ago and thinks he’s still super-fit because he was a college athlete and isn’t fat. I hate that I am so much stronger than him; it’s embarrassing that he’ll need help lifting something big in the yard and I can just take over and do it myself. I also hate that he doesn’t want to work out together so we can’t share a part of life that I thought we both cared about.

[Anonymous]

We work out a similar amount (30-60 minutes, 5+ days per week) & have a similar diet, but I have a ferocious metabolism and she does not. So, I've got very little body fat, and she has quite a bit. It's pretty unfair, really.

[Anonymous]

We have a bit of a strange situation. My DH runs 5-6x/week. He monitors his steps. He makes sure to stand while he's working from home. He eats salad and vegetables frequently. He's a very healthy guy, I would say. Despite this, he still has what most people would call "flab" on his chest and midsection. He isn't "ripped", if that's the crux of this.

I am naturally thin. My mom was thin, and despite having 4 children, I'm still in 00 pants. I don't work out ever. I don't run. I eat poorly... lots of sweets and fatty things. I am a sucker for fast food. I wish I wasn't. Despite this, I look like I am in better shape than my DH.

[Anonymous]

YES! We have always both worked out--hard. We met in our mid 20s and would go to the gym together. He's a heavy weight lifter, boxer. I love cardio, but lift weights for tone. We combined forces. He's run a marathon with me (and beat me). I will go squat with him. We do Solidcore and boot camp together. He's trying to get me into Yoga with him now that we are 49/50.

Our kids also love to exercise, played a lot of sports. Now the rising 9th grader in addition to all of his sports practices will use my Peloton and lift weights in our basement.

We are active on vacations--hike, kayak, etc.

Fitness is part of our entire family's life---except--ironically- our 2-year old big lazy dog. He barely likes to walk.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I (DW) am very fit and active. I work out usually 4-5 times a week. It’s how I relieve stress and I like being in shape. My DH would like to work out (used to when he was younger and had more time) but works too many hours and doesn’t normally get more than 2 times (if that) workouts in a week. I have maintained my same weight over the past 12 years together and 3 kids. DH has gained probably 20lbs since we got married. Not a huge turn off but it would be nice if he got into better shape.

Do most partners have similar levels of fitness? My sister is a workout junky and her husband doesn’t work out at all.

I have always been super-fit, think BMI 18.5, and look young and am very healthy. Some years ago I encouraged my husband, a successful professional who did not prioritize exercise, to start to work out with me. He became hooked on working out together and went on to lose 80 lbs., a loss he has maintained since. He started to dress better as well, and generally became an inspiration to others. About a year after that he started an affair for the first time in our 20+ year marriage, and ended up leaving our family for the other woman. Be careful what you wish for.

[Anonymous]

No, Im more active but like to eat so I’m overweight. I’m currently working on it so I’ve returned to running 5X a week. I’ve lost 10 Ibs in the same time frame.

My spouse lost 21 Ibs without working out just by restricting calories and has no interest in running. We do go out on a bike ride or hike around the town that usually lasts about 8 hours though.

So I guess yes and no?

[Anonymous]

Nope I’m extremely fit and she has gained 40 unattractive pounds. It affords me lots of “options” so I have that going for me and it keeps me motivated. Certainly not for DW sake.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We have a bit of a strange situation. My DH runs 5-6x/week. He monitors his steps. He makes sure to stand while he's working from home. He eats salad and vegetables frequently. He's a very healthy guy, I would say. Despite this, he still has what most people would call "flab" on his chest and midsection. He isn't "ripped", if that's the crux of this.

I am naturally thin. My mom was thin, and despite having 4 children, I'm still in 00 pants. I don't work out ever. I don't run. I eat poorly... lots of sweets and fatty things. I am a sucker for fast food. I wish I wasn't. Despite this, I look like I am in better shape than my DH.

+1. But I wasn’t brave enough to post it...