Help: Inlaws quarantining with us for a month!

[Anonymous]

Do you have long hair? I’d wear AirPods all day with my hair down and just chill with music and nod a lot.

Do you take any antidepressants? If not, better get a prescription stat.

You have my sympathies OP - this would be my nightmare

[Anonymous]

There is an old movie named Between Two Women. If any of you can find it, watch it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just repeat "she is my kids' grandma and DH's mom, she did raise the man I love." and "let it go, let it go, let it go"... and don't feel guilty to go upstairs and ditch the kids and house chores on them.

This. Plus take a lot of walks.

And drives. Long drives and errands, with or w/o your kids. Go grocery shopping. Take donations to Goodwill. Take old paints to the solid waste disposal center. Drive to that new housing development and look around. Do yoga in your bedroom with the door locked (or just say you are doing yoga, go to your room and lock the door/there’s an hour).

Outside work: there’s yard clean-up, washing a car, cleaning the garage, watering lawn and plants, pulling weeds, cleaning outside windows.

Don’t forget: after all this work, you’ll need a long shower.

Also, I’m sure you’ll have some Zoom calls, right? Or you’re going to need at least an hour to prepare a report because you’re on deadline.
There’s another hour behind a locked door.

Last thought: Family Movie Night! Everyone together but you don’t have to talk and MOL can’t hijack the conversation.

OP here. Great suggestions, thank you! Any excuse to get out of the house right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They basically need a place to stay for a month and we got stuck with them. That's all the details I want to give.

Change your attitude toward them. You said "stuck" with them so, yes, it is going to be pure Hell for all of you. Change your attitude to "having an opportunity to helping" your in-laws.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They basically need a place to stay for a month and we got stuck with them. That's all the details I want to give.

Change your attitude toward them. You said "stuck" with them so, yes, it is going to be pure Hell for all of you. Change your attitude to "having an opportunity to helping" your in-laws.

Sorry. It’s hard to change my attitude when my MIL has passive aggressively been insulting me, my child rearing and my domestic skills for the past 15 years!

[Anonymous]

I guess you could catch COVID?

If that solution isn't good, then I think honesty is the best policy. Initiate a conversation with your MIL in advance of their arrival where you acknowledge that you don't get along that well (don't let her pretend otherwise) and tell her you sincerely want to make the month work for everyone. Don't suffer in silence, don't be abused in your own home. Ask if your ILs are willing to help with childcare. Set expectations about meals, groceries, time alone with the bedroom door shut, etc.

[Anonymous]

when she is passive aggressive, call her out. when she criticizes you in your own home, don't suffer in silence. stand up for yourself and tell your husband that you will do this if he doesn't step in and correct his mother. Seriously.

[Anonymous]

When she criticizes your domestic skills, tell her to clean the oven the next day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They basically need a place to stay for a month and we got stuck with them. That's all the details I want to give.

Change your attitude toward them. You said "stuck" with them so, yes, it is going to be pure Hell for all of you. Change your attitude to "having an opportunity to helping" your in-laws.

Sorry. It’s hard to change my attitude when my MIL has passive aggressively been insulting me, my child rearing and my domestic skills for the past 15 years!

I sympathize OP. I also have the worst MIL (lest anybody question me: after one discussion-literally, not raised voices, just a topic about my children on which we did not agree--not too long ago, she left the house and had FIL drive her directly to the hospital claiming she was having a heart attack. She called my DH the next day--after being sent home 12 hours later, to let him know that I caused her to have a heart attack. This is one of many batsh*t crazy things she pulls). If only I could direct my superpower to cause MIL heart attacks to you, you'd have your soution right there. Good luck. All I can say is, breathe.

[Anonymous]

"You make it obvious you don't want to be here. Do you have another option right now because I don't know how to make this better"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: You can't control her. You can only control your response to her. Figure out what your hot buttons are with her and then figure out what you're going to do/say when she hits the button.

It is all behavioral training. She is getting something from the interaction and basically you are feeding her a reward when you engage. So you need to learn how not to engage. She will escalate when you don't respond to her bait.

In a nutshell, you need to think of it as a long distance walk going from 0 to 100 miles. She will escalate from 0 to 60-75 if she doesn't get a response. If you can make it successfully to 60-75 without engaging and rewarding her then she begin to taper from 75 to 100 when she will eventually extinguish the behavior. That is if you do NOT respond. But the second you respond...not only do you zoom back to 0 but you probably enter into the -100s.

You are gong to have to work very hard at not engaging so develop some healthy coping mechanisms. Long walks, undesirable chores, etc, all may help. You need to keep reminding yourself that you cannot control her, you can only control how you respond to her.

So smart. I completely agree. It's just like training a dog. Haha.

Also headphones/music will be most helpful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They basically need a place to stay for a month and we got stuck with them. That's all the details I want to give.

Change your attitude toward them. You said "stuck" with them so, yes, it is going to be pure Hell for all of you. Change your attitude to "having an opportunity to helping" your in-laws.

Sorry. It’s hard to change my attitude when my MIL has passive aggressively been insulting me, my child rearing and my domestic skills for the past 15 years!

I sympathize OP. I also have the worst MIL (lest anybody question me: after one discussion-literally, not raised voices, just a topic about my children on which we did not agree--not too long ago, she left the house and had FIL drive her directly to the hospital claiming she was having a heart attack. She called my DH the next day--after being sent home 12 hours later, to let him know that I caused her to have a heart attack. This is one of many batsh*t crazy things she pulls). If only I could direct my superpower to cause MIL heart attacks to you, you'd have your soution right there. Good luck. All I can say is, breathe.

PP 22:20. OMG PP with heart attack MIL! I was going to post that I could do a TedTalk on avoidance measures and lead with stories of how my newly retired MIL used to show up unannounced to “check on us.” Or, the warning shot when she announced at her retirement party how she was going to “raise her grandchildren” (I’d just had my 2nd baby/her only GC and was a new SAHM).

Never gave MIL a key and no doorbell. I’ll confess to hearing her knock and deciding that it was time for DC to take a bath or other evasive measures. Then she’d be so disappointed we didn’t answer that she’d call first. That would give me time to run to the neighborhood park or playground, or even hop in the car and go a few streets over...two could play at this game.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They basically need a place to stay for a month and we got stuck with them. That's all the details I want to give.

Change your attitude toward them. You said "stuck" with them so, yes, it is going to be pure Hell for all of you. Change your attitude to "having an opportunity to helping" your in-laws.

Sorry. It’s hard to change my attitude when my MIL has passive aggressively been insulting me, my child rearing and my domestic skills for the past 15 years!

DP. Frankly you don't sound like such a joy, either. Check yourself before you start flinging that mud around.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When she criticizes your domestic skills, tell her to clean the oven the next day.

Perfect. I will say this next time.

[Anonymous]

Can they stay in an airBNB near you? Some space might help make it easier for everyone.