Help: Inlaws quarantining with us for a month!

[Anonymous]

My inlaws will be spending a month with us. My MIL and I do not get along at all and I don't know how I'm going to make it through the month without a big blowup. No place to go and I can't leave the house to go to work to escape. The kids are also stuck at home because all their camps have been cancelled. It's a recipe for disaster. Please give me some advice DCUM!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My inlaws will be spending a month with us. My MIL and I do not get along at all and I don't know how I'm going to make it through the month without a big blowup. No place to go and I can't leave the house to go to work to escape. The kids are also stuck at home because all their camps have been cancelled. It's a recipe for disaster. Please give me some advice DCUM!

How did this happen?

[Anonymous]

But...why?

[Anonymous]

They basically need a place to stay for a month and we got stuck with them. That's all the details I want to give.

[Anonymous]

So I'm basically screwed, right?

[Anonymous]

One day at a time, one hour at a time and one minute at a time.

[Anonymous]

Yikes! Be sure to carve out time in the evening for yourself.... After dinner consider yourself off-duty. Go up to your room and hide or whatever. If they’re hanging out upstairs, go downstairs, things kind that. Figure out their schedule and do the opposite. For example if they wake up early and go to bed early, then you can stay up late. Easier said than done.

How old are your kids?
Do your ILs enjoy playing with them? Try to look at the positives.

Aside from that - one day at a time! I’m sorry you’re stuck with this!

[Anonymous]

If you have an office door, close it during your work day and stay away. If you don't have an office door, turn on some classical music and wear headphones to build a "sound wall" (this is what I need to do in my house).

Also try to think up chores for everyone, and then have folks stay in their lanes - kid 1 - trash; kid 2 - load dishwasher; MIL - unload dishwasher; FIL - wash dishes; Mom - grocery shop from household list; Dad - cook. Everyone does own laundry on designated days.

(My ILs live with me FT, even before Covid. This is how we got through the growing pains.)

[Anonymous]

Put them on kid duty while you work.

[Anonymous]

Put the burden of interacting with them on your husband. My MIL will be staying with us for a few weeks because she hasn’t seen my kids since thanksgiving and misses them. Before agreeing to this, though, I told my husband that he needed to be home whenever she was awake and in our space. I figure that I will be taking a lot of long walks either alone or with kids, meeting friends for distanced cocktails, and spending a lot of time upstairs reading.

[Anonymous]

My MIL inserts herself in literals every conversation I attempt to have with my husband. She responds for him, and he's fine with that. She stands over me when I eat and comments about my food choices. Apparently, all I eat is shit.

So now, every time she's over, I just keep quiet and don't engage. I make a list of reasons that need me out of the house, out of the room, etc. before her visits. If I were you, I'd suggest signing up for an online class, going for walks, practicing smith with your kid, etc.

[Anonymous]

Make it a month of self-care

I just listened to the audio book, How to Raise an Adult and one of the last chapters was all about self-care. As I read your post, I thought about connecting these elements to you.
It is not going to be perfect - but each day you need to prioritize the 3 things you need to do that helps you. Is it a run, an afternoon nap, a long walk, watching an episode of Shitts Creek. Write it down and make it happen.

Sign up for a class - maybe take a weekly personal tennis class?

Can you find a place to get out of the house for lunch or doing a bit of your work each day?

What are the things that your MIL enjoys? Can you leverage that? Does she love to bake? Can she bake something special each day with your kids? Can you ask her to help with making dinner for the family a few times a week? Can she teach your kids how to knit? Paint? Embroider? Garden? Iron?

I find when I have music that I love on in the house - everything is a little better. Get your playlist going

[Anonymous]

Just repeat "she is my kids' grandma and DH's mom, she did raise the man I love." and "let it go, let it go, let it go"... and don't feel guilty to go upstairs and ditch the kids and house chores on them.

[Anonymous]

Good luck, OP.

My husband had to go through that with my mother at a difficult period in our lives. I had to run interference all the time and it was not a pleasant experience.

After that we cut off contact with my mother for a while. She had been really too awful.

[Anonymous]

You are working from home. That takes up 8 hours a day. You are taking each kid on a walk for one on one time. You have a nap to take. You get a lot of headaches and need frequent naps.