DH “narrates” and “summarizes” interactions. Is this an ADD thing?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My friends husband does this not so much to narrate but to explain or understand a situation. His perceptions aren’t always correct and it can be annoying.

My spouse will simply rephrase the question very elaborately when asked for his thoughts or opinion. He’ll basically rehash the options we have, which we already know, then then not answer the actually question. It’s pathetic and maddening. I fear for our income if he does this at the office too...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If anything happens, it’s always “you said this, had this look, you always, you do this when you’re” I truly don’t know how to explain it but I feel like he’s narrating situations and events. It drives me nuts. I can’t seem to articulate it. Anyone know what I mean?

It could be autism. HFA or aspies rely on their memorized patterns or formulae or “rules” to decide what to say or how to behave in a situation.
So they’d pull up some archive in their head of what once happened, State it or do it, and move on. No common sense or judgment applied, just whatever happened last time must be it! Gawd forbid you ask WTF happened, you will get a rant and lecture about barely tangential nonsense. Drives you insane trying to even have a back and forth convo. Which of course is impossible for them to actually instinctually have.

Could be it. He truly doesn’t know what to do so he guesses at what you want or would do, this when asked, blames you!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If anything happens, it’s always “you said this, had this look, you always, you do this when you’re” I truly don’t know how to explain it but I feel like he’s narrating situations and events. It drives me nuts. I can’t seem to articulate it. Anyone know what I mean?

It could be autism. HFA or aspies rely on their memorized patterns or formulae or “rules” to decide what to say or how to behave in a situation.
So they’d pull up some archive in their head of what once happened, State it or do it, and move on. No common sense or judgment applied, just whatever happened last time must be it! Gawd forbid you ask WTF happened, you will get a rant and lecture about barely tangential nonsense. Drives you insane trying to even have a back and forth convo. Which of course is impossible for them to actually instinctually have.

This is what I was thinking. DH does a version of this. The worst is when he tells me I made a face so I must feel a certain way. Or when he uses “logic” to figure out how our kids must be feeling. It’s like he’s recapping what he saw to bolster his confidence about his analysis of a subject he knows is his weak spot, and to convince whoever is listening that he’s right.

[Anonymous]

I thought of ASD and not ADD when I read your post. I have kids with ADHD and one will sometimes do this, but I think that has more to do with how she relates to the world in general than ADHD.

It could also just be his personality.

[Anonymous]

My head is spinning just reading this thread.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you mean that you have ADD and he's doing this as a coping mechanism?

OP here. No, he has ADD. It’s almost like he has to put everything into a box or label people and their actions. Ex. You did this and you always do this and you do this because you’re fill in the blank. Like he hyperfocuses on every nuance of a persons behavior and comments on it.

I don't know the official term for this, but it sounds like it's labeling to minimize the other person's opinions and viewpoints.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If anything happens, it’s always “you said this, had this look, you always, you do this when you’re” I truly don’t know how to explain it but I feel like he’s narrating situations and events. It drives me nuts. I can’t seem to articulate it. Anyone know what I mean?

He’s deflecting. What’s he trying to cover up by doing that? Figure that out and go from there. It might not be pretty.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband does this sometimes, usually as others have described, in recapping things that he recalls have transpired during a disagreement. I think it's his way of tracking the facts, but it is super annoying and comes off as kind of autistic (I'm not using that term in a medical or PC way so please forgive) and like he's trying to keep score. I try to ignore it if it comes up now- I've taken the ignore tactic with a lot of his verbal ADD behavior- going on about one thing for an excessive period of time primarily. Now I just change the topic to something that needs to be addressed immediately and then end the interaction by leaving the room and letting him close whatever circle he needs to in his head. I don't know that it changes the behavior, but it separates me from it, which I think is the most important thing.

Amen.

Disassociate, fast.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If anything happens, it’s always “you said this, had this look, you always, you do this when you’re” I truly don’t know how to explain it but I feel like he’s narrating situations and events. It drives me nuts. I can’t seem to articulate it. Anyone know what I mean?

It could be autism. HFA or aspies rely on their memorized patterns or formulae or “rules” to decide what to say or how to behave in a situation.
So they’d pull up some archive in their head of what once happened, State it or do it, and move on. No common sense or judgment applied, just whatever happened last time must be it! Gawd forbid you ask WTF happened, you will get a rant and lecture about barely tangential nonsense. Drives you insane trying to even have a back and forth convo. Which of course is impossible for them to actually instinctually have.

Yikes. Well with a supportive partner like you on their side, what could go wrong?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If anything happens, it’s always “you said this, had this look, you always, you do this when you’re” I truly don’t know how to explain it but I feel like he’s narrating situations and events. It drives me nuts. I can’t seem to articulate it. Anyone know what I mean?

It could be autism. HFA or aspies rely on their memorized patterns or formulae or “rules” to decide what to say or how to behave in a situation.
So they’d pull up some archive in their head of what once happened, State it or do it, and move on. No common sense or judgment applied, just whatever happened last time must be it! Gawd forbid you ask WTF happened, you will get a rant and lecture about barely tangential nonsense. Drives you insane trying to even have a back and forth convo. Which of course is impossible for them to actually instinctually have.

Yikes. Well with a supportive partner like you on their side, what could go wrong?

curious what kind of support someone with autism needs?

what type of person should they marry, if they marry?

- help for my son

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you mean that you have ADD and he's doing this as a coping mechanism?

OP here. No, he has ADD. It’s almost like he has to put everything into a box or label people and their actions. Ex. You did this and you always do this and you do this because you’re fill in the blank. Like he hyperfocuses on every nuance of a persons behavior and comments on it.

That's more Asperger's than ADD it seems.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I do this if I think someone is gaslighting me or is genuinely in denial about facts.

This, exactly. I have a few relatives in my life who constantly try to rewrite history, or are careless with recounting the facts, always to lessen something they have done. It is just now a habit to keep track of the conversations. People who have the facts thrown back in the faces (no matter how politely or subtly this is done) are offended. Part of the gaslighting denial thing. They really don't seem to get what they are doing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If anything happens, it’s always “you said this, had this look, you always, you do this when you’re” I truly don’t know how to explain it but I feel like he’s narrating situations and events. It drives me nuts. I can’t seem to articulate it. Anyone know what I mean?

It could be autism. HFA or aspies rely on their memorized patterns or formulae or “rules” to decide what to say or how to behave in a situation.
So they’d pull up some archive in their head of what once happened, State it or do it, and move on. No common sense or judgment applied, just whatever happened last time must be it! Gawd forbid you ask WTF happened, you will get a rant and lecture about barely tangential nonsense. Drives you insane trying to even have a back and forth convo. Which of course is impossible for them to actually instinctually have.

This is what I was thinking. DH does a version of this. The worst is when he tells me I made a face so I must feel a certain way. Or when he uses “logic” to figure out how our kids must be feeling. It’s like he’s recapping what he saw to bolster his confidence about his analysis of a subject he knows is his weak spot, and to convince whoever is listening that he’s right.

My DH definitely does this and I think you're right.