What would you do if your adult child is unmotivated to work or contribute to your household?

[Anonymous]

Same boat. 25, graduated college, but doesn’t know how to organize her day to look for work. It’s EF more than not having motivation. Everything takes longer. This stage isn’t any different. Joining an online support group might help. Make a list of chores on a sticky and updated it each week. She feels shame for having adult ADD.

[Anonymous]

Are you kidding? Adult has 2 weeks MAX to get out of my house. Locks will be changed and stuff will be on the lawn.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are you kidding? Adult has 2 weeks MAX to get out of my house. Locks will be changed and stuff will be on the lawn.

Adult in this situation has mental health challenges.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you kidding? Adult has 2 weeks MAX to get out of my house. Locks will be changed and stuff will be on the lawn.

Adult in this situation has mental health challenges.

Which OP says they are unwilling to address.
Time to get out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you kidding? Adult has 2 weeks MAX to get out of my house. Locks will be changed and stuff will be on the lawn.

Adult in this situation has mental health challenges.

Which OP says they are unwilling to address.
Time to get out.

Shouldn't they be supported to address the mental health challenges?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you kidding? Adult has 2 weeks MAX to get out of my house. Locks will be changed and stuff will be on the lawn.

Adult in this situation has mental health challenges.

Which OP says they are unwilling to address.
Time to get out.

Shouldn't they be supported to address the mental health challenges?

Yes, it sounds like the poster here would provide that support for 2 weeks so that they can then launch.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP. They're 23 and have been diagnosed with ADHD, depression, and anxiety. They've seen a therapist in the past but don't want to continue seeing one.

It’s too easy for them. I don’t want to do a lot of things either, but time to grow up. They have until the end of summer to rent a room and move out. Get a job ASAP. Stap paying for phone and car.

[Anonymous]

Would this person be a good candidate, personality wise, to work in a child care setting? That's a job that has good variety in daily tasks, is fulfilling in terms of personal interaction, kids generally are drawn to young adults as role models which is helpful for a young adult looking to boost self-confidence, etc.

Sister may have to hover a bit to help launch this time since her child has so little experience. But you sister needs to be gently pushy so this kid doesn't settle into a rut. Certainly home responsibilities need to be addressed. "Summer's over - if you are staying here we need to have a plan how everyone chips in." And yes, therapist is mandatory while at home. If the kid is motivated to change that they need to become independent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I read an article today saying that as a side effect of ADHD medication kids lose motivation to achieve. It impacts a part of brain responsible for motivation and especially affects boys and young men.

Not in a reputable medical journal, you didn't.

Citation?

[Anonymous]

I was that 23 year old kid. What worked was my parents helping me to get a job. I didn't enjoy college, but I did enjoy one semester where I lived in DC and interned and took classes. So my parents suggested that I find a job in DC and move. Like the kid, I too had a good GPA, enough to qualify for an entry level job through an honors program. So they helped me polish my resume, paid for my trip down to DC to interview, encouraged me to find an apartment, etc.

Suffice to say, it was the help and push I needed. While they helped me get to DC, once I started my job, everything fell into place. I started to thrive because I was earning real money for the first time, able to pay rent, applying things I learned in college, etc.

[Anonymous]

For me, it would be:

A requirement to address the depression and mental health issues, including regular visits (virtually) with therapist or doctor, and medication if needed

A requirement to meet with a career counsellor or employment coach to develop a career plan. Regular time set aside daily or weekly for job search or career related activities (ie. upgrading classes, interview skill workshops, resume building).

A requirement to clean up after themselves - own laundry, clean own room and bathroom (if applicable), self care

A requirement to contribute to the running of the household at large eg. Morning lawn, cleaning communal areas, preparing meals, etc.

When possible, contributing financially to the house, even if it’s a nominal amount

Maintaining a regular daily schedule of activities, to demonstrate a goal of independence.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I read an article today saying that as a side effect of ADHD medication kids lose motivation to achieve. It impacts a part of brain responsible for motivation and especially affects boys and young men.

Not in a reputable medical journal, you didn't.

Citation?

Written by a doctor who graduated from MIT at the age of 19:

https://www.leonardsax.com/a-d-h-d-drugs-have-long-term-risks/

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As the mom of a bipolar child with ADHD and anxiety severe enough to be medicated with both a daily medication and a PRN, I think that before your sister can expect your niece to move out, her mental health has to be in order. IME, these are the things that work. Medication - there has to be proper medication for all of the conditions. That takes a psychiatrist. A therapist is a waste of money unless there is buy in. But the psychiatrist is a necessity.

Second is structure and routine followed by activity that makes you tired. You have to have regular sleep times and good sleep hygiene, which is tough to maintain without structure, routine and activity. The best way to get structure, routine and activity is a job. Any job. It gives you a schedule. It requires you to engage in activity. Someone else imposes the structure so your mood doesn't defeat you. Someone else tells you what to do. You're tired at the end of the work day. You become part of something that society needs. You make friends or at least some sort of social relationships that hopefully extend outside of work.

Once you get the mental health under control, then you can work on the life skills that it will take to move out. But, it doesn't sound like your niece is anywhere near that point yet. And, neither is my son, though he is not yet finished with school so we're not at that point yet.

Good luck.

+1. The people who are advocating for pushing the child out in a PANDEMIC when jobs are being lost at a quick pace and without scaffolding a baseline of health so the child can function at all are basically tossing them out in the gutter with no way of getting well or moving themselves up. A safe and loving home plus the medical support and a fair share of chores is the place to start. Or, if the parent absolutely cannot be the loving and supportive figure, send her to a lovely inpatient facility if possible. She can also volunteer to get outside of her self so she isn't feeling stuck or wallowing. Make sure the food is healthy too. We had someone stay with us that sounds exactly like this child and just changing their diet and going on a nightly walk together made a huge improvement in their demeanor and health. We also asked them to take multivitamins and get fresh air and sunshine. Even before encouraging them to do athletic things we just had them lay outside in the sun in the morning for at least 30min. It does help and wasn't overwhelming. They could do anything they wanted except be on an electronic device during that time.

The hard labor job was an idiotic comment. There is nothing wrong with yoga or riding a bike. They are also great ways to meet people (support, even virtually) and inspire them to do more. They are also gentle on the body. Rowing would also be good, or a treadmill, even if she is watching TV or youtube or something like Lynda/LinkedIn Learning. Set the bar low and then raise it a bit each time. Think of it like athletic conditioning for both body and mind.

I am wondering why she is depressed and anxious? Did something happen that perhaps she isn't telling anyone? Is she not reacting well to one of the medications? Is she worried about not launching? Whatever base need isn't being met needs to be addressed.