Reply to What would you do if your adult child is unmotivated to work or contribute to your household?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]As the mom of a bipolar child with ADHD and anxiety severe enough to be medicated with both a daily medication and a PRN, I think that before your sister can expect your niece to move out, her mental health has to be in order.  IME, these are the things that work.  Medication - there has to be proper medication for all of the conditions.  That takes a psychiatrist.  A therapist is a waste of money unless there is buy in.  But the psychiatrist is a necessity.

Second is structure and routine followed by activity that makes you tired.  You have to have regular sleep times and good sleep hygiene, which is tough to maintain without structure, routine and activity.  The best way to get structure, routine and activity is a job.  Any job.  It gives you a schedule.  It requires you to engage in activity.  Someone else imposes the structure so your mood doesn't defeat you.  Someone else tells you what to do.  You're tired at the end of the work day.  You become part of something that society needs.  You make friends or at least some sort of social relationships that hopefully extend outside of work.

Once you get the mental health under control, then you can work on the life skills that it will take to move out.  But, it doesn't sound like your niece is anywhere near that point yet.  And, neither is my son, though he is not yet finished with school so we're not at that point yet.

Good luck.  [/quote]

+1. The people who are advocating for pushing the child out in a PANDEMIC when jobs are being lost at a quick pace and without scaffolding a baseline of health so the child can function at all are basically tossing them out in the gutter with no way of getting well or moving themselves up. A safe and loving home plus the medical support and a fair share of chores is the place to start. Or, if the parent absolutely cannot be the loving and supportive figure, send her to a lovely inpatient facility if possible. She can also volunteer to get outside of her self so she isn't feeling stuck or wallowing. Make sure the food is healthy too. We had someone stay with us that sounds exactly like this child and just changing their diet and going on a nightly walk together made a huge improvement in their demeanor and health. We also asked them to take multivitamins and get fresh air and sunshine. Even before encouraging them to do athletic things we just had them lay outside in the sun in the morning for at least 30min. It does help and wasn't overwhelming. They could do anything they wanted except be on an electronic device during that time.

The hard labor job was an idiotic comment. There is nothing wrong with yoga or riding a bike. They are also great ways to meet people (support, even virtually) and inspire them to do more. They are also gentle on the body. Rowing would also be good, or a treadmill, even if she is watching TV or youtube or something like Lynda/LinkedIn Learning. Set the bar low and then raise it a bit each time. Think of it like athletic conditioning for both body and mind.

I am wondering why she is depressed and anxious? Did something happen that perhaps she isn't telling anyone? Is she not reacting well to one of the medications? Is she worried about not launching? Whatever base need isn't being met needs to be addressed. [/quote]

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