When teen says something that is really damaging to relationship

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Responses here are interesting. If a woman accused a man of sexual assault because he brushed lint off her you would all say she's nuts.

Agree. Though I think we would all agree that would be a creepy move.

[Anonymous]

I think your son might be a sexual assault survivor.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think your son might be a sexual assault survivor.

I'm guessing OP is the survivor.

[Anonymous]

Honestly OP, I think your reaction is way over the top. Like WAY over the top. If you don't help drive him to college, that IS something that he'll remember. Kids say stupid stuff and you just call them out on it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You need to re-teach him the concept of assault. And what sexual assault is. Because touching someone near their knee when they are your mother is NOT sexual assault.

He really needs to learn these nuances before he goes to college.

Damn right!!

This is a really good point. I will talk t him about this too.

Even though some of you think I am a lunatic I am reading your responses too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Responses here are interesting. If a woman accused a man of sexual assault because he brushed lint off her you would all say she's nuts.

Agree. Though I think we would all agree that would be a creepy move.

Ehh if my husband tried to get a tick off our daughter and she screamed assault, I'd be concerned. We'd be having conversations about rape and appropriate touch, especially the summer before going to college. Girls should not be false accusing men unless it's true. I'd also try to feel out why she'd say that and if she'd been raped.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think your son might be a sexual assault survivor.

I'm guessing OP is the survivor.

True. And it was in family and even my DH doesn’t know.

Ok. Wow. Haven’t thought about that in years.

[Anonymous]

OP did you say "you have something on your leg" or did you just reach out and grab? You may have startled him

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In general he is not a touchy kid. Never has been. My concern and hurt is that when I tried to clarify with him about it he upped it to sexual assault. It was just so out of the realm of normal to me and it did upset me. A lot. It wasn’t sexual. It was (and turned out to be) a tick on his leg. It does warrant further discussion but maybe I am not ready yet since my mind is still reeling. We went from joking around the fire to him accusing me of sexually assaulting him. Perhaps I shouldn’t have left early but I felt uncomfortable and he definitely felt uncomfortable so it seemed like the best thing for both of us.

So much to unpack here...

You're getting defensive, OP. We are all telling you that you're being way too dramatic and instead of taking a step back and examining whether you are overreacting, you dig down further and perpetuate the drama. Your "mind is still reeling?" How many days ago did this happen?? I get that it's upsetting, but many conflicts are. Leaving the family camping trip early because you felt uncomfortable is ridiculous. Go get some air and take a breather if you need it, but you shouldn't have left entirely. Get some perspective.

Of course trying to brush a tick off your DS' leg isn't sexual, and the fact that he went there instead of just telling you to leave him alone should tell you that he may not understand what sexual assault is. Instead of taking it SO personally, focus instead on how he clearly doesn't understand what he's saying.

Lastly, if you know your kid isn't a touchy kid, and you took it upon yourself to touch him anyway, you need to understand that he may not like it and may get angry about it. When people get angry, they may say things they don't mean. It doesn't matter if you were trying to save him from a tick or not. Respect his wishes to not be touched.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow, you need to get a grip. You completely overreacted and whatever weirdness is now occurring is 100% your fault.

I mean, really? You up and left the family camping trip?

Jesus.

+1.

[Anonymous]

OP, you not only over reacted but you made the situation about you. You didn’t even bother to hear him out. Maybe he has a close friend that confined in him that he/she was sexually assaulted and therefor, is a bit on edge now. Maybe he just read some articles about it. You took that moment and made it about you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think your son might be a sexual assault survivor.

I'm guessing OP is the survivor.

True. And it was in family and even my DH doesn’t know.

Ok. Wow. Haven’t thought about that in years.

OP, I’m sorry for what you went through - and for what you are going through now. I’m also imagining a healthy resolution of this for your son.
Maybe a simple start to this could be for you to apologize to your son - and acknowledge that as parents we get used to touching our kids, and as adults, we may need to consciously learn to practice boundaries and asking permission as our kids grow up. That’s true, and may help normalize this as a developmental issue for both of you.

I hope someone other than you does the “nuance” talk.

I hope you can seek therapy and other kinds of support as you deal with your own history- and how it may impact your current relationships, actions, and feelings. I’m wishing you all the best as you deal with some difficult issues.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think your son might be a sexual assault survivor.

I'm guessing OP is the survivor.

True. And it was in family and even my DH doesn’t know.

Ok. Wow. Haven’t thought about that in years.

Well. i think this is a big part of why you reacted that way. What he said was stupid and uncool but it triggered you in a particular way due to your history. You might need to tell him about this—I think it would be enlightening for him to learn that words can have a different impact on people based on their life experiences.

[Anonymous]

This is why so many of the school programs about these things are stupid. I've heard my DC say that if they don't go to the doctor it's criminal neglect. Sorry, I decide when they go to the doctor, not my DC. I think it's good they're trying, but it needs to be re-thought out.

If that had happened to me I would have educated my DC right then and there that he was being ridiculous and hadn't gotten the point of the lesson at school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is why so many of the school programs about these things are stupid. I've heard my DC say that if they don't go to the doctor it's criminal neglect. Sorry, I decide when they go to the doctor, not my DC. I think it's good they're trying, but it needs to be re-thought out.

If that had happened to me I would have educated my DC right then and there that he was being ridiculous and hadn't gotten the point of the lesson at school.

Umm your child’s education should not only be left to the teachers. You can teach your child too you know