How to gently tell someone they’ve gained weight

[Anonymous]

If my brother asked me if I thought he had gained weight I would say I think 5 seconds on the scale will answer that for you. Not a yes or a no...it's his own thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Ok fair points. But when we were talking about working out and I asked if he’s still running, he quickly asked me “why do you think I’ve gained weight?” ... so that made me wonder if he really was aware. And when my husband put on a few pounds last year and when his suits got tighter as a result, he said that he thinks the dry cleaner shrunk then somehow — so some people do live in denial.

Wow you’re clueless. That was sarcasm. Get out of his business.

[Anonymous]

You could start by approaching the situation with concern about your brother’s mental health (since that’s likely the cause of the weight gain based on what you posted) instead of “ew, fat.” If you’re really so concerned about his well-being, I would try talking to him about how he is doing without mentioning his weight. “Hey Joe, are you okay? You seem more stressed and anxious than usual, which would be understandable given everything that’s going on.” Then follow his lead on how the conversation goes from there. But to extent you dispense any advice, focus on things that can help him manage that anxiety, like daily exercise, not his weight.

[Anonymous]

The only thing you should do is ask “how are you doing?” And actually LISTEN when he answers. Too many people interrupt and talk about themselves these days. Focus on him and listen to make sure he’s doing okay. You do not have to fix his problems, but you do have to be there for him.

[Anonymous]

Is he blind?

[Anonymous]

MYOB. It would be very cruel. Take care of you! You already know he is sensitive, so why be mean and say something? He knows, trust me knows. Get a life!

[Anonymous]

I agree with the PP who suggested you do activities like biking, hiking, etc. Don’t mention the weight, as it’s not your business unless he starts a discussion, but being more active with him will have a positive impact on the health of you both.

Also, I am sympathetic to the fact that you mention your whole family has issues relating to food and weight. Make sure you look out for yourself in that area, and perhaps consult a therapist or dietician to get a bead on how it has affected you. Our families can really warp our sense of what is normal.

[Anonymous]

"When we were talking about working out and I asked if he’s still running, he quickly asked me 'why do you think I’ve gained weight?'"

"I'm trying to see if you're doing OK, and I want to know if you're taking care of yourself. It's not about your weight -- I think we've all got enough to worry about without fixating on the scale."

[Anonymous]

OP, I have family members like you and I honestly dread family gatherings that include them.