How to gently tell someone they’ve gained weight

[Anonymous]

Americans don't talk to each other about weight unless the person is deemed too thin. But he won't have a heart attack in his 20s so don't worry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Ok fair points. But when we were talking about working out and I asked if he’s still running, he quickly asked me “why do you think I’ve gained weight?” ... so that made me wonder if he really was aware. And when my husband put on a few pounds last year and when his suits got tighter as a result, he said that he thinks the dry cleaner shrunk then somehow — so some people do live in denial.

I just read this after replying. It seems like he is aware (at least to an extent) if he asked you if you think that he gained weight.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Ok fair points. But when we were talking about working out and I asked if he’s still running, he quickly asked me “why do you think I’ve gained weight?” ... so that made me wonder if he really was aware. And when my husband put on a few pounds last year and when his suits got tighter as a result, he said that he thinks the dry cleaner shrunk then somehow — so some people do live in denial.

Mind your own business. Your brother is an adult. Treat him like one instead of like a baby brother. He will do something if he wants and it isnt up to you no matter how "concerned" you are about his health. So tired of family members saying that when it is none of their business!

[Anonymous]

Depends on your relationship and personalities.

My sister could make a joke about my weight but I would know there was some truth behind it. If she was really concerned she would have a quiet word.

On the other hand, I would never mention weight to my sister but could frame it in terms of getting exercise and having a healthy diet and it would get the message across.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Ok fair points. But when we were talking about working out and I asked if he’s still running, he quickly asked me “why do you think I’ve gained weight?” ... so that made me wonder if he really was aware. And when my husband put on a few pounds last year and when his suits got tighter as a result, he said that he thinks the dry cleaner shrunk then somehow — so some people do live in denial.

I just read this after replying. It seems like he is aware (at least to an extent) if he asked you if you think that he gained weight.

Honestly, I asked a close friend this question (probably it was "can you tell I've gained weight?"), they said yes, and it sparked a change where I really got things back on track. An honest "yes" is probably fine. (This was in my 20's, I've since regained all of it - aging + kids, so no promises this is lasting, but I think worth being honest)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My younger brother is in college and I’ve noticed that he’s put on quite a bit of weight. I wouldn’t care except that I’m worried about his health. He’s eating more junk food than usual, isn’t exercising, and has been super anxious. I think it’s partly Covid related with the loss of routine and uncertainty. There’s a history of cardiac problems in our family, which is partly why I’m worried. Do you think I should bring up the weight issue with him? Ask my parents to? As a woman, if someone commented that I’ve gained a lot of weight, it would really upset me — so I don’t want to upset him. But I’m worried ...

Another point- my parents have always been weird about body and food issues, and so my brother and I have inherited that to a certain extent. Which is to say: my brother is more sensitive than the average person about body stuff.

WTH OP. You sound like a shitty mom, but then you wrote you were his sister. Unless your brother is going to be on my 600lb life in a matter of months, keep your mouth shut.

And in the future, don’t come to dcum to ask for help. Just put yourself in the other persons shoes and think how you’d react.

Your lack of compassion for your own brother is disturbing

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My younger brother is in college and I’ve noticed that he’s put on quite a bit of weight. I wouldn’t care except that I’m worried about his health. He’s eating more junk food than usual, isn’t exercising, and has been super anxious. I think it’s partly Covid related with the loss of routine and uncertainty. There’s a history of cardiac problems in our family, which is partly why I’m worried. Do you think I should bring up the weight issue with him? Ask my parents to? As a woman, if someone commented that I’ve gained a lot of weight, it would really upset me — so I don’t want to upset him. But I’m worried ...

Another point- my parents have always been weird about body and food issues, and so my brother and I have inherited that to a certain extent. Which is to say: my brother is more sensitive than the average person about body stuff.

WTH OP. You sound like a shitty mom, but then you wrote you were his sister. Unless your brother is going to be on my 600lb life in a matter of months, keep your mouth shut.

And in the future, don’t come to dcum to ask for help. Just put yourself in the other persons shoes and think how you’d react.

Your lack of compassion for your own brother is disturbing

The vitriol in your post is what’s disturbing, PP.

[Anonymous]

Do you live with him?

Do you live near him?

Invite him out biking or something, just to hang out.

But don't say anything about his weight. He knows.

[Anonymous]

I disagree with nearly everyone. This is your brother. You are very close to him. You are the one of the few people alive who can tell him the truth. I would want my sibling to tell me so that I'd be spurred to change sooner.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I disagree with nearly everyone. This is your brother. You are very close to him. You are the one of the few people alive who can tell him the truth. I would want my sibling to tell me so that I'd be spurred to change sooner.

Telling someone they need to lose weight is not an effective way of making someone change. It's a much deeper emotional issue than that.

[Anonymous]

"I know that you are concerned about your health but it seems like you're slipping into depression. I can see that you have gained weight recently. What's bringing you down? I love you and want to help. If me shutting up helps you best let me shut up right now. I just wanted you to know that I'm here for you."

[Anonymous]

Because they don't know? Are you kidding?

[Anonymous]

God, OP. You don't say anything to him about his weight unless he asks. He knows. If he IS feeling anxious and depressed, you are going to make it worse.

I say this as a woman with deep-rooted issues about my weight that started with family members like you. I could NOT get away from judgement about my body and it was horrible, the degree to which my family watched me and felt they could "lovingly" comment when they thought I was gaining weight because they "wanted me to be healthy." (And I wasn't even overweight).

Can't you just let him feel safe and loved around you? I guarantee he is thinking of his weight all of the time. Just leave it.

[Anonymous]

OP, stop being the stereotypical older sibling and keep your mouth shut. On this, and I'm guessing many, many other things.

[Anonymous]

I’ve struggling with my weight my whole life and the reason is that no one ever explained to me that it was happening and bad for my health.

Oh wait that’s not the reason at all.