How to gently tell someone they’ve gained weight
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Anonymous
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My younger brother is in college and I’ve noticed that he’s put on quite a bit of weight. I wouldn’t care except that I’m worried about his health. He’s eating more junk food than usual, isn’t exercising, and has been super anxious. I think it’s partly Covid related with the loss of routine and uncertainty. There’s a history of cardiac problems in our family, which is partly why I’m worried. Do you think I should bring up the weight issue with him? Ask my parents to? As a woman, if someone commented that I’ve gained a lot of weight, it would really upset me — so I don’t want to upset him. But I’m worried ...
Another point- my parents have always been weird about body and food issues, and so my brother and I have inherited that to a certain extent. Which is to say: my brother is more sensitive than the average person about body stuff. |
Anonymous
| They know. You don't "tell" them anything |
Anonymous
| He knows he's gained weight. You don't need to tell him. |
Anonymous
| You don’t think he can’t tell?? It’s his body and he puts on his own clothes. He doesn’t need you to tell him. |
Anonymous
| OP here. Ok fair points. But when we were talking about working out and I asked if he’s still running, he quickly asked me “why do you think I’ve gained weight?” ... so that made me wonder if he really was aware. And when my husband put on a few pounds last year and when his suits got tighter as a result, he said that he thinks the dry cleaner shrunk then somehow — so some people do live in denial. |
Anonymous
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Add the covid 15 to the covid 15 and you get some added weight.
You don't need to tell him. We're telling you since you seem to think you should. |
Anonymous
| He is aware but he is hoping that no one else is. For some people, knowing that others seem them as heavier spurs them into action to change behavior |
Anonymous
OP here again. Thank you. Is there anything I can do or say to encourage him to be healthier? Or will that just be annoying? |
Anonymous
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You don't.
Here's how to tell an OP they are being moronic and overstepping: OP, you're being moronic and overstepping. NO ONE needs to be told they have gained weight. What with mirrors and all. What with scales and all. What with clothes that fit tighter, steps that feel heavier. |
Anonymous
| You would be annoying. MYOB |
Anonymous
Is he able to read? Does he sometimes go to the doctor? Did he graduate from middle school and high school? They have health classes at those levels. STOP IT, OP. Really. Stop. It. |
Anonymous
| Why does everyone on DCUM want to tell people that they’re fat? |
Anonymous
| Why don't you suggest doing something active with him instead like hiking, biking or tennis? Start doing it regularly and help foster a good habit rather than comment about weight gain. You may have good intentions but could make him self-conscious if you bring it up directly. How do you think you would feel if someone did that to you? Pretty bad I bet. |
Anonymous
| There is nothing you can do or say. Butt out. |
Anonymous
OP, I think it's clear that you care about your brother and want him to be healthy. A few of the responses have been unnecessarily harsh. Instead of mentioning weight specifically, how about reaching out to him to ask how he's doing (if you haven't already)? If he's already mentioned that he's anxious, maybe you could suggest exercising together? If he's living with your parents and they cook for him or/and are responsible for grocery shopping, are they aware of what is going on? |