Previous friend is causing me a ton of anxiety

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This happened to me! I know exactly how you feel. It is hard to explain to people how terrifying it can be to have a really controlling, bullying friend. In my case, I blocked ALL contact, phone/e-mail/FB, etc. I did not check anything related to her, despite how tempting it was just to know what she might do. I basically pretended like never met each other. She was furious and made up all kinds of nonsense. Fortunately, most sane people recognize when someone is livid and ranting, they aren’t terribly reliable, so it wasn’t as awful as I expected. I learned that if this happens to you, 10/10 other people already knew she was like this.

+1

[Anonymous]

I think you are right. I did approach our group leader at our church and I expected her to want to reach out to her personally because she knows her well. I thought they had a close relationship. Her advice to me was to keep distance from this woman and do not confront her because she feared that if I confronted her, she would use the conversation against me and maybe portray herself as a victim. Some of the information was very personal though so I don't feel I have many options in this situation.

[Anonymous]

I had a friend like this, and she made a move on my DH during a vacation. I decided to let her go on thinking that I didn't know. I did not confront. I became too busy to get together. I hid her, but did not defriend her, on FB. She sent messages, and I ignored them. I told one friend what happened, and did not worry about anyone else.

Now, 8 years have gone by. She may have maligned me to other people but I am not aware of it.

Your situation may be different, but I was worried I could not lose this girl but I DID. She tried and failed. Out of my life, and no real damage to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think you are right. I did approach our group leader at our church and I expected her to want to reach out to her personally because she knows her well. I thought they had a close relationship. Her advice to me was to keep distance from this woman and do not confront her because she feared that if I confronted her, she would use the conversation against me and maybe portray herself as a victim. Some of the information was very personal though so I don't feel I have many options in this situation.

That is probably good advice. I think your leader sees this person might escalate since some people like to do that. Lie low. Can you switch services?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you are right. I did approach our group leader at our church and I expected her to want to reach out to her personally because she knows her well. I thought they had a close relationship. Her advice to me was to keep distance from this woman and do not confront her because she feared that if I confronted her, she would use the conversation against me and maybe portray herself as a victim. Some of the information was very personal though so I don't feel I have many options in this situation.

That is probably good advice. I think your leader sees this person might escalate since some people like to do that. Lie low. Can you switch services?

No, but I know that the group leader would make sure I wasn't in her small group again if I requested it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you are right. I did approach our group leader at our church and I expected her to want to reach out to her personally because she knows her well. I thought they had a close relationship. Her advice to me was to keep distance from this woman and do not confront her because she feared that if I confronted her, she would use the conversation against me and maybe portray herself as a victim. Some of the information was very personal though so I don't feel I have many options in this situation.

That is probably good advice. I think your leader sees this person might escalate since some people like to do that. Lie low. Can you switch services?

No, but I know that the group leader would make sure I wasn't in her small group again if I requested it.

No one else should be in her small group, either! She obviously doesn't respect the privacy of the group. What is your group leader going to do about this woman -- just let others keep trusting her with their private secrets only to have her share them with others? How inappropriate is that???

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You want her to target someone else?! You... are not a decent person, as PP has said. Like attracts like. Cut her off and look deep within yourself to see why you allowed a person like this in your life, knowing she treats other people extremely badly. When someone shows you who they are, believe them - if they mistreat others, this is an indication of their character and the behaviors will eventually be directed towards you.

You’re taking it too literally. Point is that this person always target someone and wants them to move on.

Uh, try reading the OP's original post again.

Specifically, where she says "She has a history of doing this to one person at a time and generally moves on after about 6-12m."

The only way the OP would know this is if she was FRIENDS with this person all throughout the times that she was harassing other people.

She was FRIENDS with her the entire time, but now that it's OP in that seat she doesn't like it too much.

I can't believe how much sympathy you people have for someone who was friends with a stalker/bully for years and clearly didn't have a problem with her friends behavior.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You want her to target someone else?! You... are not a decent person, as PP has said. Like attracts like. Cut her off and look deep within yourself to see why you allowed a person like this in your life, knowing she treats other people extremely badly. When someone shows you who they are, believe them - if they mistreat others, this is an indication of their character and the behaviors will eventually be directed towards you.

You’re taking it too literally. Point is that this person always target someone and wants them to move on.

Uh, try reading the OP's original post again.

Specifically, where she says "She has a history of doing this to one person at a time and generally moves on after about 6-12m."

The only way the OP would know this is if she was FRIENDS with this person all throughout the times that she was harassing other people.

She was FRIENDS with her the entire time, but now that it's OP in that seat she doesn't like it too much.

I can't believe how much sympathy you people have for someone who was friends with a stalker/bully for years and clearly didn't have a problem with her friends behavior.

OP here.

1. I didn't get your response or anyone's removed
2. I agree with you. I learned the hard way that someone who bullies and treats others badly will eventually do that to you. 100% I guess it is easy to look the other way when it isn't happening to you which I did for years, assuming we were too close for that to happen to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like you perceive her to be very powerful. Bit really, how could she actually “ruin” you? What concrete things is she doing, or threatening to do? Your post has an edge of paranoia, but maybe that’s because we don’t have enough context.

What did she do that you can’t move past?

We were part of a marriage group in the past at our church. We are in smaller groups and make a promise to keep any information confidential. Many people share about infidelity, sexual issues, etc. There were many personal details that I shared and later found out she told mutual friends. I also found out from my DH that she has asked him questions about things we discussed when it was made clear during the program that what is said is to remain between the group and just shared so issues can be worked through.

Situations like this is why you go to professionals for counseling. Church groups especially are full of busybodies and there’s no guarantee of confidentiality.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You want her to target someone else?! You... are not a decent person, as PP has said. Like attracts like. Cut her off and look deep within yourself to see why you allowed a person like this in your life, knowing she treats other people extremely badly. When someone shows you who they are, believe them - if they mistreat others, this is an indication of their character and the behaviors will eventually be directed towards you.

You’re taking it too literally. Point is that this person always target someone and wants them to move on.

Uh, try reading the OP's original post again.

Specifically, where she says "She has a history of doing this to one person at a time and generally moves on after about 6-12m."

The only way the OP would know this is if she was FRIENDS with this person all throughout the times that she was harassing other people.

She was FRIENDS with her the entire time, but now that it's OP in that seat she doesn't like it too much.

I can't believe how much sympathy you people have for someone who was friends with a stalker/bully for years and clearly didn't have a problem with her friends behavior.

OP here.

1. I didn't get your response or anyone's removed
2. I agree with you. I learned the hard way that someone who bullies and treats others badly will eventually do that to you. 100% I guess it is easy to look the other way when it isn't happening to you which I did for years, assuming we were too close for that to happen to me.

+1

OP, if you grew up in a good family, it is sometimes harder to learn this is your older years. Now you know!

[Anonymous]

These church groups are never a good idea. Learn your lesson. No way would I share confidential information in these types of small groups

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:These church groups are never a good idea. Learn your lesson. No way would I share confidential information in these types of small groups

This person is a sad pathetic loser. She would probably act like a psycho outside of church too.

She never stops because she knows she is a piece of crap so has to keep going after other people.

Very sick.