How to be the "hang out house"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We are the hang out house. Cool toys. Cool snacks. Best backyard. I’m pretty chill about most things.

This. Also, I would never allow a child to do something like smoke in my house but when DS's friends drop the F bomb within earshot of us (not face to face) we don't flinch.

[Anonymous]

Yeah, my kids would go to other people's houses and pug out. I realized it was because i didnt normalize cool or refukar snacks and cereal. Now that we have it at home the kids dont do that. They dont even it a lit of it at home.

The hang out house is the house with the cool snacks, chill parents and best toys. Our neighbor has a pool, trampoline swing and video games. They are the hang out spot for all the teens. We parents occasionally make a costco run for the other family and pick up pizza, taquitos and drinks bc our kids hang out so much. It works out, the cool parents dont mind and the kids are safe.

[Anonymous]

Lord, I'd do anything to NOT be the hang-out house.

[Anonymous]

Yeah, my kids would go to other people's houses and pig out. I realized it was because i didnt normalize cool or regular snacks and sweet cereal. Now that we have it at home the kids dont do that. They dont even it a lit of it at home.

The hang out house is the house with the cool snacks, chill parents and best toys. Our neighbor has a pool, trampoline swing and video games. They are the hang out spot for all the teens. We parents occasionally make a costco run for the other family and pick up pizza, taquitos and drinks bc our kids hang out so much. It works out, the cool parents dont mind and the kids are safe.

[Anonymous]

a lot of it is also location.
we're one of the furthest houses from my kids' middle school (1.1 miles) so we're not the hang-out house. the kids end up stopping at the houses that are within a half mile of the school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can’t have a pool and be hands off

It was two different examples.

I don't want a pool. Money pit.

We have had an in ground pool for decades and it is not a mo ey pit. We know how to open and close pool as well as normal upkeep.

My kids are 14-22. We work full time and they probably use the pool about three times/year. We have no privacy in our yard (our backyard faces our neighbors’ backyards). But we live in a climate where it is rarely above 70-80 degrees in the summer.

[Anonymous]

I say yes to the harmless things: Destroying the lawn playing sports, playing hide and seek in the house, using the sofa cushions for hot lava, playing in the hose when it's barely 70 degrees, co-opting the toddler's ride-on toys.

I say no to the problematic things (65 hours of xbox, meanness, terrorizing the pets).

I provide snacks, drinks, bandaids, cheerleading and sympathy, but I don't linger unless invited.

Kids have excellent BS detectors, and know when you genuinely like having them around.

[Anonymous]

...do they do homework together? This is something that used to be encouraged in our culture. You come from school, you do homework together and only then you can hang out. I notice that high schoolers here do not like working on school assignments together where one person can help the other and vice versa, because everything is so "competitive". I would be glad to be hang out house if my kid would form a kind of a "club", for example to prepare for SATs. For video games and other useless things - maybe once every 2-3 weeks.

[Anonymous]

Be absent.

When they are teens, adopt the "I'd rather they drink here" attitude.

[Anonymous]

The fact you’re asking a mom board for tips on how to be the cool house means you will never be the cool house

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For those of who are the neighborhood/school/friend group hang out house how did it happen? Did you do anything?

When kids are right age and we aren't in quarantine. (Years away) we want to be the cool house. The house everyone hangs out at. My house growing up was the complete opposite because of my mother. She never welcomed anyone.

Provide snacks? Have a pool? Big house? Have an outgoing kid? Be fun or hands off?

What is the magic to getting all the kids at your house?

NP Be more specific. Are you talking about the place where there are no rules? ie the teens know they can drink, have sex and do illegal things? OR the place where teens generally want to hang out? If it is the first than I think you need to grow up and think of yourself as the parent, not your teenage self. As for the other, it all depends on your kids to some extent. You can have all the "cool" stuff bu, if your kids aren't the type that want large groups OR they aren't nice people than you aren't going to be the cool house.


The one thing I would have had though is a nice finished basement where they can hang out. Our house is old and we don't have that. Otherwise, just relax and don't try too hard. Try to get over your past and try not to recreate it with your kids. It can't be done.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I say yes to the harmless things: Destroying the lawn playing sports, playing hide and seek in the house, using the sofa cushions for hot lava, playing in the hose when it's barely 70 degrees, co-opting the toddler's ride-on toys.

I say no to the problematic things (65 hours of xbox, meanness, terrorizing the pets).

I provide snacks, drinks, bandaids, cheerleading and sympathy, but I don't linger unless invited.

Kids have excellent BS detectors, and know when you genuinely like having them around.

This is the one thing I wouldn't do unless you don't have any toddlers in the house because they will break it. Actually, you are the Duggars if you have teens and a toddler!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why do they need "snacks"? Can't the kids eat at home? I don't want my child to go over and be offered junk foods that we don't normally eat at home. Oh well maybe I will teach them that. But still, these "snack" motive must be part of american culture and sounds weird to me. They are not coming for the party so I would not worry about "snacks".

You must be a real pill at parties When you go to someone's house they never offer you food or drink? Where are you from that you don't eat? And why is "snacks" in quotes. What would you envision instead? A three course meal?

YIKES

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You honestly can’t control all of it and you don’t know what kind of personality your kids will have but I agree I would definitely not get a pool because that is a lot of responsibility and work.

But when my kids hang out it’s because the household is relaxed the kids have things they want to do including indoor and outdoor things and always a lot of good snacks

Also I get to know the kids and I’m nice with them and they also seem to like my dogs

But also I leave them alone to do their own thing and I don’t micromanage

This. My house was the hangout house growing up. My parents were relaxed and in the background but not talking to us much. We didn’t have great snacks or cable or video games or a fun yard. I’m 38 now and it was unusual not to have those things then. But it was an easy, comfortable place to be. No breakables, no rooms off limits.

My friends were kinda nerdy, though. My sister and brother hung out at more fun houses, I think.

[Anonymous]

Good snacks, the ability to use the kitchen if they want to bake or make nachos, a high tolerance for noise, and the illusion of privacy.