How did you make peace with gaining weight as you age?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Intellectually, I know it's extremely common and even to be expected that you will gain weight as you age. I've posted about this before, how the # on the scale really effects me. I don't want to live like this but I also don't know how to be ok with it either. I mean, truly ok. Not just something I would tell other people because I know that's how you're supposed to feel but genuinely feel ok about it.

I'm 5'7 and 122 lbs. I want to be 120 because that's what I've been my entire adult life. But I am having an impossible time getting those 2 lbs. off. I realize how utterly absurd it is to mentally obsess about 2 lbs. I don't want to be this way but I can't make myself stop. The worst thing is that I have children and I would die if I thought any of them felt this way about themselves. I try to hide it as much as possible of course.

How did you convince yourself that it is acceptable to gain weight as you get older? Was it something you read?

I have posted in your threads before. I am probably one of a very few people who get you. My BMI fluctuates between high 17 and low 18. Up until I was 50, I never counted calories, weighed myself sporadically, and ate anything I wanted. I was a competitive marathon runner and burned off everything I ate. I stopped running for a few years due to health issues but still weighed the same. But quite immediately after my 50th birthday, I found I could no longer eat anything I wanted. During this pandemic, I gained 5 lbs and was appalled. I’m doing 18:6 IF, running 25 miles a week, starting a strength program, and counting calories. I was so frustrated that I could not lose the last 3 lbs. finally, I got a fitness watch that tracks calories burned. I finally could see how little exercise burns compared to that piece of cake I want. I’m finally losing the weight and I feel great.

People on here keep saying I have an eating disorder but I don’t and never did. I wouldn’t say I’m obsessed or rigid. For example, I’ll eat things my kids bake or buy even if it’s outside my eating window. Food and cooking is a hobby. I’m healthy and strong. I wear shorts or bikinis and feel good in them. I know it’s weird to want to be a certain weight just because it was the same weight I was in freshman year of college. And I know it’s weird that I kept my high school graduation dress and sometimes put it on to see if it still fits (By sometimes, I mean once every half decade or so). But weird doesn’t mean I have a eating disorder. My kids don’t have eating disorders either.

[Anonymous]

A lot of women have their worth wrapped up in beauty or size. “I AM 120 lbs. I AM pretty.” The thing is, weight and looks are temporary things that can change. When you build your identity around those things and then they change you’re left wondering who you are. You have to build worth and identity OUTSIDE of those things because frankly, all of us will see them go. All of us will age, become less beautiful, see our bodies shift and change and weight come on and dat move to where it never lived before. And when you don’t know who you are if you’re not “the woman who weighs 120” that will f- with you.

Women who don’t care about the natural process of aging and gaining some weight have figured out their identity and worth separate from ephemeral things like weight and beauty. Doesn’t mean they might not like to be a certain weight or look a certain way, but they don’t fundamentally think less of themselves if they don’t.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, you should probably start lining up cosmetic surgery now. Your face isn't going to like this.

"My doctor says I have the skin of a 16 year old girl!"

"Well you better give it back, you're getting it all wrinkled!"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:People are giving the OP a hard time because she is already thin (way to be cruel and kick someone who is down and asking for help, by the way) but the fact is, I don't know any woman who genuinely loves and accepts her body. People will say they do but then it turns out there are always things they hate and want to change. Even objectively beautiful women, people who are famous for begin beautiful, will occasionally admit that they secretly hate aspects of their bodies.

I have never met someone who is sincerely at peace with how their body is changing in unattractive ways as they get older.

If there are any on here, share your secret, by all means.

I don't think anyone affirmatively likes the physical changes of getting older, but I don't hate my body. I don't think that my value as a person comes from how fit I am or how young I look, which I think is kind of the key. I think you can want to change something (especially in terms of getting stronger, or building muscles in a weak place, or being more active) without "hating" your body. You can accept that your body isn't ever going to be "perfect," but that you feel (and look) better if you take reasonable care of it. But focus on how you feel -- I feel better if I move my body every day, just like I feel better if I eat plenty of fruits and vegetables, and drink enough water, and wear sunscreen so I don't get sunburn.

Also, I think some of it is being afraid of losing control, and, ultimately, of death. Bodies do all kinds of weird stuff that we don't understand and can't control, and that freaks some people out. If you are more comfortable with the idea that we're not in charge of everything and we can't control everything, I think you're more comfortable with the idea that you're not in total control of your body.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you should probably start lining up cosmetic surgery now. Your face isn't going to like this.

"My doctor says I have the skin of a 16 year old girl!"

"Well you better give it back, you're getting it all wrinkled!"

Funny!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People are giving the OP a hard time because she is already thin (way to be cruel and kick someone who is down and asking for help, by the way) but the fact is, I don't know any woman who genuinely loves and accepts her body. People will say they do but then it turns out there are always things they hate and want to change. Even objectively beautiful women, people who are famous for begin beautiful, will occasionally admit that they secretly hate aspects of their bodies.

I have never met someone who is sincerely at peace with how their body is changing in unattractive ways as they get older.

If there are any on here, share your secret, by all means.

I am 10 pounds overweight and my body is a hot mess due to loads of surgery for a life-threatening illness. This is, ironically, exactly how I came to peace with my body’s imperfections. I know that even if my body was objectively lovely, I could still find something to hate about it. So I just choose to accept and appreciate it instead.

Working out - mostly weightlifting and running - helped me set achievable goals related to what my body can do instead of how my body looks. And I’m sure being sick for a good chunk of my 20s and 30s also gave me perspective and allowed me to focus on being healthy over being attractive in my 40s.

Me too! I read about these beautiful women who have personal trainers and personal chefs and have to be underweight for the camera, etc., and they find something wrong with their bodies. And I just thought ... this is a stupid game that no one can win, so I won't play anymore. It's liberating. Once you realize that no one has a perfect body, and that the mental energy you waste on wishing you did could be put to such better use, it's liberating. So, yes, I have love handles and my stomach never went back to "normal" after babies, but I don't care. I still exercise and watch my diet because being sluggish and bloated doesn't feel very good, but I just don't have the bandwidth to feel bad about not being perfect anymore.

[Anonymous]

OP, I wonder if you are preventing yourself from feeling okay with the 2 lbs because you are afraid that if you are okay with 2 lbs, you'll gain 30lbs. So you actually are preventing yourself from being okay with the tiny weight gain you've experienced. Until you actually want to accept those 2lbs (or whatever) your emotions are going to fight your intellectual knowledge that 2 pounds is nothing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Two pounds isn’t what people mean by putting on weight as you age. There is nothing to come to terms with aside from an apparent mental issue.

X10000

Thank you.

How about forty plus pounds?

OP has posted before and clearly needs help if 2 lbs is ruining her life.

If you have gained 40 Lbs, stop blaming it on aging. All blaming it on aging does is removes your personal responsibility which makes you believe you have no control. However, the truth is you absolutely have control. Get your diet in check and you will lose the weight. Unless you have an diagnosed metabolic disorder, which is highly unlikely, you have gained weight because you are not active enough and eating too much.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Intellectually, I know it's extremely common and even to be expected that you will gain weight as you age. I've posted about this before, how the # on the scale really effects me. I don't want to live like this but I also don't know how to be ok with it either. I mean, truly ok. Not just something I would tell other people because I know that's how you're supposed to feel but genuinely feel ok about it.

I'm 5'7 and 122 lbs. I want to be 120 because that's what I've been my entire adult life. But I am having an impossible time getting those 2 lbs. off. I realize how utterly absurd it is to mentally obsess about 2 lbs. I don't want to be this way but I can't make myself stop. The worst thing is that I have children and I would die if I thought any of them felt this way about themselves. I try to hide it as much as possible of course.

How did you convince yourself that it is acceptable to gain weight as you get older? Was it something you read?

I think you are wrong that it is to be “expected.”

Diet and exercise will keep excess weight off.

You’re just not trying hard enough.


Op is 5'7" inches and only weighs 122 That is not overweight, people! Did you even read the op?

Get your ass to the gym. Run outside for now.

[Anonymous]

I’m 54 years old and 115 pounds. Exactly the same weight I was when I graduated from high school and college. The only time I gained was with my pregnancies. I will never accept excessive weight gain as a natural part of aging. Because it isn’t.

[Anonymous]

OP, if this is real, I'd suggest boxing up your scale, taping the box, and putting it in an out of the way closet. See how you feel about that. Do you feel compelled to check your weight? Try living a week without checking. Check in with yourself and see how you feel. Ask yourself why it matters. See if one week can become two. Then three...

I've not fully come to peace with body related aging changes, but it helps to have a goal that is not weight or shape related. My goal is to be strong enough to pick up my kids and fit enough to be able to run 5 miles. I injured a knee, so I had to adjust downward from my previous half marathon level. I'll probably have to adjust again. Being bedridden with the knee for a while was a good reminder to be thankful for what my body can do on good days. I try to remember to thank my body every day before bed.

I hope some of this helps.