Husband’s work schedule—Does my opinion matter?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So let me get this straight:

Identical assignments, just different teams.
He likes his current team, but feels important because the other team wants him.
These two thing—from what I can gather—in no way will positively impact his career.

So there is no real career-positive for him in the situation, just maybe a slightly more “fun” team. So for his “fun“, OP should have to shoulder more of a burden at home? And let’s be honest: this summer is going to be long. It’s going to suck.
[u]

So correct.

No pools open. No camps open. No sports happening (even on TV!). No grandparents excited about seeing tons of new people. No big travel.

Worst summer ever. Unless you drive off to a lake or oceanside house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If he's home by 7p, how in the hell is he not seeing the kids Mon-Fri during the summer when they can stay up later and sleep until 8:30 or beyond?

Nice try adding a little fudge to make your case sound better.

You all are way harsh! NP but my kids are that age and are going to bed by 9 still. I’m also home with them while my husband works and yeah, I need quiet time in the evening, sorry. I also want alone time with my husband. So yeah, the kids aren’t staying up.

Your 7 year old sleeps from 9pm - 8:30am? That's an unusual amount of sleep. My 7 year old sleeps from around 10pm - 8am these days.

Normally I'm very sympathetic to the woman on domestic duty distribution, but this is a different case. All her DH is proposing is that he shift (slightly!) the hours he works, to do something he really wants and will likely be positive for his career. I definitely think that OP and her DH need to figure out how she'll get plenty of breaks over the summer, but seems doable whether he gets home at 5pm or 7pm.

[Anonymous]

YES, a spouse's opinion matters on a new work assignment, new job or likewise because you are a TEAM.

Ideally the #1 priority is the Family (kids and spouse). The rest falls into place.

Shaft your kids and spouse because your ego is getting stroked to convince you to take a project with long hours, same pay, people desperate for new blood? Maybe in your 20s. Otherwise start negotiating more pay, a 3-6 month sabbatical once it's over, a promotion in writing, etc.

[Anonymous]

Before I broach the subject and put my foot down about this,

You don't have veto power, so you need to change your attitude about "putting your foot down" first of all.

"Before I raise my concerns" is a better state of mind.

This project won't last forever. You can deal with it.

[Anonymous]

Since your not paying for summer camp and DH won’t be seeing the kids anyways, why not rent a lake house for the month of July and spend an enjoyable time with DCs? DH can come on the weekends and leave early on Monday morning.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So he won’t see his kids 5 days a week? Totally unacceptable. How could be even consider this?

Um this. Even if OP didn’t need help or if her DH got a raise with this that allowed her to ire help, I don’t get parents who are okay with not seeing their kids all week.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I thought you were being fair until you said "put my foot down." Seems like you both need to work on your communication skills.

What you need is a conversation - "Honey, I'm thrilled you've been offered this opportunity, but I'm really concerned about how this will impact our family." Talk, explain your concerns, listen. Decide together what makes sense for your family.

OP here. Wrong choice of words! I meant that with no hostility

And yes, it’s a lateral move. The only thing that would change is the team. He’s loved and praised his current team up until now, but now his ego has been stroked by this new team.

Kids are 7 and 9.

OMG, having kids home 7 and 9 yo with nothing open in the community and some viewing play dates as risky? And your husband wants to head for the hills alone. hahhahahahha.

I'd only do this if I could live with a set of grandparents in a fun summer place and help.

[Anonymous]

I would be annoyed about this because I don’t like change, but if it’s just for the summer it’ll be fine. It’s not like the school year where pickup, homework, activities all fall to you.

I would stop cooking regular dinners and just feed the kids easy things outside. That’s a nice labor savings when my spouse works late.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Since your not paying for summer camp and DH won’t be seeing the kids anyways, why not rent a lake house for the month of July and spend an enjoyable time with DCs? DH can come on the weekends and leave early on Monday morning.

yeah, go take care of a 2nd property, some boats, and the whole family schedule by yourself whilst DH does a "fun" long hours job for no reason.

[Anonymous]

Can you go stay with a sibling or cousins family for at least the social factor? Your kids will go going up a wall and so will you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If he's home by 7p, how in the hell is he not seeing the kids Mon-Fri during the summer when they can stay up later and sleep until 8:30 or beyond?

Nice try adding a little fudge to make your case sound better.

You all are way harsh! NP but my kids are that age and are going to bed by 9 still. I’m also home with them while my husband works and yeah, I need quiet time in the evening, sorry. I also want alone time with my husband. So yeah, the kids aren’t staying up.

I don't see why you can't change the kids' bed time. At that age, you can pick their bed time. Make it earlier if you want time to yourself in the evening. Make it later, if you want kids to sleep in later.

[Anonymous]

I would express my concern and hesitation, but I wouldn't stop him for this. The ages of your kids are pretty easy, only 2... not a big deal. I'd ask him to do the bedtime routine when he got home, so I'd have some "me" time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Since your not paying for summer camp and DH won’t be seeing the kids anyways, why not rent a lake house for the month of July and spend an enjoyable time with DCs? DH can come on the weekends and leave early on Monday morning.

yeah, go take care of a 2nd property, some boats, and the whole family schedule by yourself whilst DH does a "fun" long hours job for no reason.

I wish I got to be the parent who spent a month on a lake with my kids rather than working.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would express my concern and hesitation, but I wouldn't stop him for this. The ages of your kids are pretty easy, only 2... not a big deal. I'd ask him to do the bedtime routine when he got home, so I'd have some "me" time.

+1 you will all need to be a bit flexible but it can work. My husband has basically been on a 9-9 schedule the past 3 years and we make it work. Like you I am a school employee so we have more flexibility in summer.

[Anonymous]

So let the kids stay up until 11 and have them sleep until 9/9:30. It’s not like they need to be up early this summer. Just roll life back two hours.