Would you quit your job to spare your husband from childcare?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: I would quit my job to spare my children from my husband's childcare. Don't say divorce because my lawyer says it's better to stay together and get 100% custody than get divorced and let him get 50% custody

I'm just curious (and I seriously don't mean judgement in this). Was there any inkling that this would happen before you guys have kids? My best friend and her husband are trying. He's a good husband but honestly I see some things about him that will make him not a great partner with kids.

[Anonymous]

This is a THREE year old?? That's not a toddler, thats a kid who doesn't wear diapers, can wipe themselves, and draw. I mean you can totally be a slack parent and let them veg on a TV for hours, and that's half the day right there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I had a few convos with my husband when we had toddlers where he would say it was too hard to feed them etc. And I would ask him "so if I died tomorrow you would let them starve rather than figure out how to shop, make lunch, etc.?" And he would say "no. In that case I would figure it out. " "fine. Pretend I am dead and do what you would do then"

I have refused to be the single hands-on parent from the beginning. Because what if I died?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Her company was thriving during a pandemic. How hard would it have been for the husband to say ‘hey honey keep bringing in high six-figures, I’ve got this?’

Or to hire a nanny. What the heck.

Exactly. If your company is that successful surely you can afford nanny/sitter/au pair.

[Anonymous]

How successful is her company really, though? A lot of startup type tech companies are actually not bringing in that much after expenses or are negative.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It reads like a parody. Lots of women are being put in impossible positions right now. But the owner of a company who CHOSE to shut that company down and lay off others because her husband refused to do any parenting -- that's not societal oppression of women, it's just one really pathetic dude.

Yeah, I can't believe they picked this woman as the face of this issue. Why do you think they did? Is it because for once it's NOT a case of "well, she made less money so she should be the one to quit" so the gender imbalance is obvious and directly related to the pandemic rather than connected to wage gaps or something?

I'm the higher earner in my household to the point that we couldn't pay our bills on just my husband's income, and sometimes it's frustrating to feel locked into my job, but sometimes I'm also relieved not to have the choice of whether to work or not.

Reporters are out of touch. Even though they don’t earn much at all, most reporters I know only have college educated friends who are reporters, academics, professionals, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: I would quit my job to spare my children from my husband's childcare. Don't say divorce because my lawyer says it's better to stay together and get 100% custody than get divorced and let him get 50% custody

Your husband’s childcare might be better.

A lot of women who say things like this tend to be the type that:

- Allow kids to not sleep (get up anytime they are crying)
- Baby kids
- control every little thing
- Don’t have a life outside of the home


You’re most likely not as good of a parent as you think and your husband knows this

Or, maybe they have mentally ill spouses.

[Anonymous]

For those saying they don’t ‘like’ this example? Why? A lot of women I know make more than their husbands and have done so consistently.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Her company was thriving during a pandemic. How hard would it have been for the husband to say ‘hey honey keep bringing in high six-figures, I’ve got this?’

I know! That’s nearly a million a year. That’s insane.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I also thought that was a terrible example. I assume the husband has some kind of mental health issue (perhaps depression) that prevents him from holding a job or caring for a single three year old.

But I also assume they had a boatload of money saved, since she could afford to quit while he was unemployed. And I believe from the article that she was burned out and wanted to see her kid, which I understand. If I had a boatload of money, I'd quit too.

I just feel bad for her employees. And since she could afford a nanny, it's not a good example of how most people struggle right now.

If a mother refused to care for her 3 y.o. while her high-earning spouse worked, no one would make these excuses for her. They would flat out say she's a terrible parent...and absent additional information I have trouble thinking differently about this dad. He trained his 3y.o. to pull her away in the middle of work by calling her by her first name? Whatever his reasons, he's a jerk.

But this whole article is like that. The example of the woman who quit her job because her fiance didn't want the kids at day care even before they closed...okay, why didn't he care for the kids then?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I also thought that was a terrible example. I assume the husband has some kind of mental health issue (perhaps depression) that prevents him from holding a job or caring for a single three year old.

But I also assume they had a boatload of money saved, since she could afford to quit while he was unemployed. And I believe from the article that she was burned out and wanted to see her kid, which I understand. If I had a boatload of money, I'd quit too.

I just feel bad for her employees. And since she could afford a nanny, it's not a good example of how most people struggle right now.

If a mother refused to care for her 3 y.o. while her high-earning spouse worked, no one would make these excuses for her. They would flat out say she's a terrible parent...and absent additional information I have trouble thinking differently about this dad. He trained his 3y.o. to pull her away in the middle of work by calling her by her first name? Whatever his reasons, he's a jerk.

But this whole article is like that. The example of the woman who quit her job because her fiance didn't want the kids at day care even before they closed...okay, why didn't he care for the kids then?

To be fair - I'm not entirely sure the 4 and 2 year-old are his kids. The six-week-old, probably.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had a few convos with my husband when we had toddlers where he would say it was too hard to feed them etc. And I would ask him "so if I died tomorrow you would let them starve rather than figure out how to shop, make lunch, etc.?" And he would say "no. In that case I would figure it out. " "fine. Pretend I am dead and do what you would do then"

I love this.

+1

ROFL. You are my spirit animal.

[Anonymous]

Her DH is a wuss

[Anonymous]

I just... don’t understand how these women (her, people on television, acquaintances) marry men like this. My DH works full time and I work part time. It makes sense that I do the childcare when he is at work and I am not (obviously). But when he gets home, it is 50/50. I don’t “ask” him to take care of the kids, I don’t ask him to babysit, he is an adult who has the exact same knowledge and capabilities as me when it comes to child rearing. I don’t get why women put up with this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I just... don’t understand how these women (her, people on television, acquaintances) marry men like this. My DH works full time and I work part time. It makes sense that I do the childcare when he is at work and I am not (obviously). But when he gets home, it is 50/50. I don’t “ask” him to take care of the kids, I don’t ask him to babysit, he is an adult who has the exact same knowledge and capabilities as me when it comes to child rearing. I don’t get why women put up with this.

Some women will do anything to be married. Some men will do anything to be married.