Just found out sister is dropping her kids off at our parents

[Anonymous]

If your parents are competent and informed about the risk there is nothing you can do to stop them. It is their choice. You can discuss your concerns with all involved but you can’t force people to do what you want them to do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If your parents are competent and informed about the risk there is nothing you can do to stop them. It is their choice. You can discuss your concerns with all involved but you can’t force people to do what you want them to do.

This. Dh's parents have been offering over the last couple of weeks to take DS for a bit. A year and a half ago my MIL nearly died of sepsis and had a very very long recovery from pneumonia that developed during her ICU stay. My FIL has some minor cardiac issues.

I'm a nurse at a hospital. We have declined their offers. But don't be so sure that your sister is forcing this on your parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If your parents are competent and informed about the risk there is nothing you can do to stop them. It is their choice. You can discuss your concerns with all involved but you can’t force people to do what you want them to do.

This. Dh's parents have been offering over the last couple of weeks to take DS for a bit. A year and a half ago my MIL nearly died of sepsis and had a very very long recovery from pneumonia that developed during her ICU stay. My FIL has some minor cardiac issues.

I'm a nurse at a hospital. We have declined their offers. But don't be so sure that your sister is forcing this on your parents.

This. My mother guilt trips me constantly about the fact her neighbor's adult kid comes over with the grandkids and her husband works in healthcare. I am a terrible person apparently for refusing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I feel for you but this is a MYOB situation. You said yourself that your parents are mentally competent. It's their decision to accommodate your sister (thought I think we can all agree they are taking a big risk).

This although it isn’t really clear how much of a risk this is to me personally.

[Anonymous]

There’s nothing you can to do stop it, but your attempt to could cause a lot of drama.

[Anonymous]

"Freaking out for them" Ok, I get that. But if they are allowing it, they are allowing it.

[Anonymous]

I get it OP. My mom is very high risk and has otherwise quarantining. My brother is bringing his kid to LIVE with my parents this summer and not quarantining, because he doesn't want to pay for separate housing.

I can't do anything. They are adults. But I will never speak to my brother again if my mom catches coronavirus. If she does, he will have essentially killed her.

I had no idea he was such a selfish asshole before this point.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If your parents are competent and informed about the risk there is nothing you can do to stop them. It is their choice. You can discuss your concerns with all involved but you can’t force people to do what you want them to do.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If your parents are competent and informed about the risk there is nothing you can do to stop them. It is their choice. You can discuss your concerns with all involved but you can’t force people to do what you want them to do.

+1

+2 State your peace once and then respect their decision. Their health, their choice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If your parents are competent and informed about the risk there is nothing you can do to stop them. It is their choice. You can discuss your concerns with all involved but you can’t force people to do what you want them to do.

This.
My brother and parents live on the west coast.
My brother has 2 kids and is divorced from his kids' mother (kids are age 5 and 7.) Kids' mother owns/operates a preschool; I'm unclear on whether or not the school is operating but when the kids are with her, they are being cared for along with multiple other children.
My brother has not been social distancing and even took the kids to another state (Colorado) last week to visit his new girlfriend and HER kids!

Yet my brother still brings the kids to my parents' house frequently, even for overnights. I was talking to my Dad on the phone the other day and my dad even admitted it wasn't a good idea for them to be over.

Nothing I can do. They are free to make their own choices...even though the whole country has collapsed to "protect" them since they are "vulnerable."

[Anonymous]

Terrible but your parents, unless suffering dementia, have to make their own decisions. Stay out of it. No one will thank you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I feel for you but this is a MYOB situation. You said yourself that your parents are mentally competent. It's their decision to accommodate your sister (thought I think we can all agree they are taking a big risk).

This.

[Anonymous]

Your BIL is a dentist and they can’t afford a sitter?

[Anonymous]

The thing is, our parents all want to see their grandkids. Who knows how long they have, with or without Coronavirus. It's their call if they want to forego as many as two years of seeing their kids and grandkids to avoid the Coronavirus or risk it.

In this situation, it's really their call. You weren't asked because it has nothing to do with you.

[Anonymous]

So many people - including grandparents - are delusional about this virus, thinking it won’t affect them. Lots of people started to get reckless this past week, in anticipation of the holiday weekend.

My advice is to say your piece to each of sister and the parents. I’d also lay on the guilt regarding your 90 year-old grandfather, asking them what they will do if he gets infected. I’d also clarify that if something happens to the grandfather, it will permanently change the nature of your relationship moving forward.

After that, you need to leave it to them to figure out. If they want to jeopardize their lives for a couple weeks with the grandkids, well then you can’t force them to act rationally. This crisis is really revealing that a lot of people are as not as smart as we assumed. Personally, I’d never be able to forgive my sibling if someone dies of Covid.