Pregnant Over 40/Unsupportive Husband

[Anonymous]

DH and I were both 42 when my one and only son was born. All tests were clear. I had pre-eclampsia and he was premature but he is now healthy, tall, smart, kind, good.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m seven months pregnant snd my husband has been distant during this pregnancy, which is our third. He said that he’s sure something is wrong with the baby because I’m 43 and he’s 46. I’ve had every test that exists and they all have come back as no problems. Has anyone here had a healthy baby over 41, no developmental or physical delays?
Thank you.

I had a kid at 39. My husband was 41. No developmental or physical delays yet... (he is 14)

[Anonymous]

Pp here. He was my third kid.

[Anonymous]

OP HERE AGAIN: actually he does was a third child which is why o told you I don’t want martial advice. He is worried to death about there being a problem despite the tests. I am trying to reassure him. So once again—try to think of someone besides yourself and your agenda. Please just answer the questions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP HERE. I’m not asking for marriage advice. I am asking if anyone over 40 had all the tests come out fine and then had a child with issues OR if you are over 40 had a baby and they are fine.

Op, your husband doesn’t want a third kid that’s why you’re getting marital advice.

My aunt had a baby at 41 with Down syndrome. Most of the kids I know on the spectrum had older dads.

It’s irrelevant for random people’s experiences.

This whole thread is crazy. My kid is on the spectrum and has adhd and I was 32, husband 31. There’s no way to know. I hope you and the baby are healthy and happy.

ADHD is not really a big deal. Concerned about mental disability like intellectual delays or physical defects.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP HERE AGAIN: actually he does was a third child which is why o told you I don’t want martial advice. He is worried to death about there being a problem despite the tests. I am trying to reassure him. So once again—try to think of someone besides yourself and your agenda. Please just answer the questions.

Show him the science. The chances of a delay may increase with older parents but the odds remain very low.

[Anonymous]

Op, men in their 40s have a 1.58% chance of having a child with autism, compared to 1.5% chance for men in their twenties. The absolute odds are still very low.

https://www.spectrumnews.org/news/link-parental-age-autism-explained/

[Anonymous]

Turning 45 in a few months, just found out I am 6 weeks along. Thank you for this thread, OP -- very encouraging.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP HERE AGAIN: actually he does was a third child which is why o told you I don’t want martial advice. He is worried to death about there being a problem despite the tests. I am trying to reassure him. So once again—try to think of someone besides yourself and your agenda. Please just answer the questions.

He needs a therapist to help with his anxiety, stats aren't going to be helpful. There are stats in both directions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP HERE AGAIN: actually he does was a third child which is why o told you I don’t want martial advice. He is worried to death about there being a problem despite the tests. I am trying to reassure him. So once again—try to think of someone besides yourself and your agenda. Please just answer the questions.

He needs a therapist to help with his anxiety, stats aren't going to be helpful. There are stats in both directions.

+1000! This. He needs to deal with his anxiety before the baby is born and he lets his distance continues through formative years. Does he plan on not getting attached until a “safe” age? A child will absolutely pick up on that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m seven months pregnant snd my husband has been distant during this pregnancy, which is our third. He said that he’s sure something is wrong with the baby because I’m 43 and he’s 46. I’ve had every test that exists and they all have come back as no problems. Has anyone here had a healthy baby over 41, no developmental or physical delays?
Thank you.

Have two thriving kids born at 42 and 44!

[Anonymous]

I think the fear is common. I am 38 and my husband is 41. We have two healthy and wonderful (and high energy) kids and are having our 3rd in October. When I was pregnant with my second and now while pregnant with my third, I did have thoughts about “what if.....” what if there is a medical issue - what if I find out there are markers for physical or mental delays. What if there is an issue during birth. I very much want the second and third child but I do worry about the impact a what if would have.

It is not uncommon and totally real. Having science and data and anecdotes to show him it will be ok is fine. But maybe just acknowledging that it is common and ok to have these worries and you will deal with any issues Or surprises as a team might help.

Also a reminder - NIPT is only screening and looks for certain things. Quad screen Only does some things. Amino / CVS are more conclusive diagnostic (not sure if you did those) and 20 week scan only looks for seen abnormalities. You can have all things be “fine” and still have an issue. You can also have a kid born with a disability who lives a wonderful and great life.

[Anonymous]

DH and I were both 41 when our second DD was born. No issues.
My grandmothers both had multiple children after they turned 40. No issues.
I know 2 families with children who have Down Syndrome. I also know several women who chose to TFMR due to the same diagnosis. Plus a few more families with children who have autism or developmental delays.Of those (10 total), all but 2 were in their early to mid 30s at conception.
There's some anecdotes for you.

[Anonymous]

I’m 43 and just had a baby last week. My husband is 44. This is our second child after a 10 year gap. Believe it or not, this pregnancy was a lot easier than my first. My baby is perfect and we had clear tests and they monitored me really closely because of my age and the issues I had with the first pregnancy. I was a bit worried the baby would have problems due to my age and then Covid hit and certainly added to the stress. Eventually, I relaxed and just did the best I could to move forward. The needless worry wasn’t helping anything and in the end everything worked out.

Hang in there, I know it’s tough.

[Anonymous]

Everyone who conceived after 40- was it natural?
I have been unable since 36, now 42. Had 2 kids at 28 and 30.