Pregnant Over 40/Unsupportive Husband

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I too would be very wary /scared of having a child with autism. I have 3 kids who do not, but I see plenty of it in our circle and at school. It is not something I would want to deal with. [/quote

With my first two kids I was scare of this too. I came to realize all minds are different and there’s some great thinking that comes from people on the spectrum.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Everyone who conceived after 40- was it natural?
I have been unable since 36, now 42. Had 2 kids at 28 and 30.

I'm the PP from 11:47. I have PCOS. Our first DD took 3 years of infertility treatments, including IVF and FET. Subsequent attempts at pregnancy over the following 3.5 years all failed, so we assumed we were one and done. DD#2 was a surprise natural conception. We found out just after my 41st birthday.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Everyone who conceived after 40- was it natural?
I have been unable since 36, now 42. Had 2 kids at 28 and 30.

Yes, with AMH of 1.2 and FSH of 15.8. We had tried and and failed in our 30s, got deterred by the Great Recession, and were contemplating IVF. Decided to try for three months with ovulation kits and tracking. Pregnant in second cycle.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP HERE AGAIN: actually he does was a third child which is why o told you I don’t want martial advice. He is worried to death about there being a problem despite the tests. I am trying to reassure him. So once again—try to think of someone besides yourself and your agenda. Please just answer the questions.

No he doesn’t. You simply heard what you wanted to hear. It’s pretty obvious.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP HERE. I’m not asking for marriage advice. I am asking if anyone over 40 had all the tests come out fine and then had a child with issues OR if you are over 40 had a baby and they are fine.

OP I’m not understanding why you’re mad about people giving you marriage advice. Your husband is being irrational. How would a bunch of anecdotes from random strangers on DCUM (which could very well be posted by liars or trolls and not real humans) be helpful for you to use to convince him otherwise? He’s not being rational and the person he should be speaking to is your doctor, and then maybe a therapist. If real life tests don’t convince him, why would random anecdotes from strangers online be any more convincing? That said, sometimes intuitions turn out to be correct. But that’s not something ya’ll should be arguing about and it sounds like you are.

[Anonymous]

OMG JUSTVTELL ME IF YIUR KID WOUND UP NORMAL OR NOT. this is why DCUM
Sucks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Everyone who conceived after 40- was it natural?
I have been unable since 36, now 42. Had 2 kids at 28 and 30.

DD1 at 30yo, DD2 at 33yo, DD3 at 35yo. Assumed I was entering perimenopause, used no protection, naturally pregnant at 44yo.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OMG JUSTVTELL ME IF YIUR KID WOUND UP NORMAL OR NOT. this is why DCUM
Sucks.

How do anecdotes help your irrational DH, OP? “This woman online (I think she was a woman bit she could be anyone) said she had a healthy baby at 42 who didn’t have any disabilities. So I know my test results and doctor mean nothing to you DH, but there was ONE woman so now you feel better, right?”

[Anonymous]

Op...end the thread.
Your question is too vague...tests all normal but kid with issues? What kind of issues? Cognitive delays, chromosomal abnormalities, adhd...

What tests did you have?
Amino, cvs with fish and microarray, cell free dna, counsyl testsing. Call your doctor and speak to a genetic counselor who can help you understand the negative predictive value of each test that you had.

Ask your partner or husband what exactly are they afraid of... if it is a mental health issue...no test can predict that.

Chromosomal issue is trisomies the tests are generally quite accurate.

Autism? Again, no test can predict this.

I think you will get better responses if you are more specific.
You will get through it.

In the end, it doesn’t really matter...your kid is your kid is your kid. You both are his or her parents and it is your job to figure it out no matter what occurs.

[Anonymous]

Normal? What is normal?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP HERE AGAIN: actually he does was a third child which is why o told you I don’t want martial advice. He is worried to death about there being a problem despite the tests. I am trying to reassure him. So once again—try to think of someone besides yourself and your agenda. Please just answer the questions.

Statistically, even at your ages, you're overwhelming likely to have a perfectly healthy baby. Either your husband is unaware of the statistics or is suffering from anxiety. Anecdotes from strangers online aren't going to make him feel better. Could he get some meds or therapy short-term to help him?

That said, if you want anecdotes. . . I had my last child at 44, totally healthy. My mother's parents were 45 (mother) and 73 (father) when she was born, totally healthy. My dad is one of 15 children, the youngest born when his parents were in their 40s, plus my grandmother had a stroke while pregnant with one of oldest children and went on to deliver that child and have a dozen more, all of them healthy. (And grandmother lived to the age of 89.) So there you go.

[Anonymous]

My husband pulled the same kind of shady s*** and it turned out he was having an affair. I was constantly asking him what was wrong during my pregnancy (he was often mean and at best indifferent towards me) and why he was in such a bad mood, and he would spout some nonsense about not feeling financially secure. I hope that's not what's going on with you, but men lie.

[MayaJ]

I had a CVS test around 11 weeks with all 4 of my pregnancies. With DC#1 I was 35: tests, delivery and baby were great. Pregnancy #2 I was 38, CVS came back positive for Down syndrome. We repeated the tests just to be sure, and sadly the outcome was the same. We terminated at 13 weeks. Pregnancy #3 at 39, everything was great. Now at 43 I am pregnant again (I'll be 44 at delivery!), and everything is looking great so far. My "problem" pregnancy was not my last or when I was over 40. All 4 were conceived naturally and within a month or two of trying. I don't think of the one I terminated nearly as much as I had feared I would, and the baby that followed that is a dream child, amazing in every possible way.

I know 4 families with children with developmental delays or autism, and in all 4 cases the moms were in their 30s. In fact, in 3 of the 4 cases it is the oldest child who has issues, followed by neuro-typical siblings who were conceived when the parents were older. In the 4th case, he is an only, and the mom was 30 when he was born.

Enjoy your new baby!

[Anonymous]

Yes, I've known people to randomly have undected issues:
1) Major palate issues
2) Autism
3) ADHD
4) Bowel not fully formed
5) Ear missing
6) Spine deformity with heart abnormality
7) Hospital fcked up the circumcision

Becoming a parent is scary. Nothing changes that fact.

[Anonymous]

I had my only at 42. She’s five now. thriving. My only complication was a really long labor/extended pushing. In hindsight it was probably fatigue and malposition that I needed to labor through with her, but it may have also been due to some hormonal issues. I had some really basic genetic testing that said things were fine. And I just trusted it, because I had to. And to answer the other poster, natural conception.

The thing I would recommend is that you pay attention to any symptoms you might have with blood pressure headaches that kind of thing. If you have some thing that seems off compared to your previous pregnancies or baby is still check in with your doctor. I don’t say that because of your age but because there’s an elevated concern right now with your partner. Anxiety can make things so much harder.

I wish you and baby well.