How much did your parents help you?

[Anonymous]

Op, I grew up in Maryland when anyone with a decent gpa could expect to get into University of Maryland. Not so now. Not so in Va either, not to of the top 4-5 schools. The admission landscape is completely different from when I and you were applying.

Some parents get excited and enjoy the extra involvement - that's a lot of ruminating. May as well enjoy it

[Anonymous]

Choose where to apply, did my applications, paid, sent me to an SAT court, choose my college (and when I didn't like that college applied for transfer). Same for graduate school.

[Anonymous]

My parents paid app fees, SAT testing, took to visit schools for me and my two sisters. I picked the schools and applied for the most part on my own. I don’t remember the essays to be completely honest, I’m not sure if they read them or not. I got a full ride, so it didn’t cost them anything... which they were thankful for because my sister was in college at the same time. They gave me $100/month spending money (this was in the late 80s). I have done the same for my kids... I have read some essays and some I haven’t... I encouraged my kids to apply to multiple schools, but both had a first choice that they applied ED and got in and so they only applied to 1 school each. My daughter was full tuition scholarship and got other smaller scholarships, I paid for her travel back and forth to school (about 700 miles away) and she had a PT job for spending $ and was an RA which covered room & board. 4 years at a small liberal arts college and she took out about $10k in loans total which I paid off as her graduation gift in 2017. My son (HS Senior) has a partial scholarship so far and is working on others. I will pay for him to get back and forth and expect him to get a job for spending $. Whatever he ends up taking out in loans I will likely pay off at graduation as long as it isn’t over 50k. I have one more bringing up the rear and I have him on the same path.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My parents paid app fees, SAT testing, took to visit schools for me and my two sisters. I picked the schools and applied for the most part on my own. I don’t remember the essays to be completely honest, I’m not sure if they read them or not. I got a full ride, so it didn’t cost them anything... which they were thankful for because my sister was in college at the same time. They gave me $100/month spending money (this was in the late 80s). I have done the same for my kids... I have read some essays and some I haven’t... I encouraged my kids to apply to multiple schools, but both had a first choice that they applied ED and got in and so they only applied to 1 school each. My daughter was full tuition scholarship and got other smaller scholarships, I paid for her travel back and forth to school (about 700 miles away) and she had a PT job for spending $ and was an RA which covered room & board. 4 years at a small liberal arts college and she took out about $10k in loans total which I paid off as her graduation gift in 2017. My son (HS Senior) has a partial scholarship so far and is working on others. I will pay for him to get back and forth and expect him to get a job for spending $. Whatever he ends up taking out in loans I will likely pay off at graduation as long as it isn’t over 50k. I have one more bringing up the rear and I have him on the same path.

If you have the money why would you have your kids take out loans? I don't get parents like you?

[Anonymous]

It is far easier to go to college with online applications and so much information about college.

[Anonymous]

They paid the application fees. Occasionally redirected my overly aspirational prospects ("no, nowhere in CA is taking you with a 2.3 GPA."). I think that's it.

[Anonymous]

Paid for everything but that was it. Went with three friends on a college road trip to check out schools.....had a blast. This was the 80’s though and nobody really cared and we all got into elite schools anyway that we would never get into today.

[Anonymous]

My father told me I could not have any of his money for college but that if I didn’t go to college or get a civil service job or a job with the telephone company or utility company I had to move out of the house.

Nice.

[Anonymous]

Not much help directly from parents, but 17-18 y.o.'s were treated more like adults in the 80's.

I went to stay overnight with friends and relatives at out of state colleges even in 11th grade. Drove myself within 400 mile radius to visit whichever school I was interested in.

My mom proofread some essays, because it was a pain-in-the-butt to type without computer. I would type once, she would correct grammar and then I would re-type.

[Anonymous]

My parents did basically everything. They even wrote a couple of my essays if I remember correctly. I had refused to go to college and said I would have no part in it. I was an idiot. THought I was going to be a music superstar

[Anonymous]

The biggest thing my parents did was raise me with the expectation that I would go to college. My father was a professor and my mother was accomplished in STEM. This was back in the 70s/80s and my parents were otherwise fairly hands off. They paid for a great state education for me (UCSD). Given that I was such a high school screw up they were relieved.

DH and I are very involved and frankly I love the whole process. I am trying very hard to be well informed but not pressure our two DDs, that are in middle and high school.

I try to use my knowledge of my own history to know that the world doesn’t end if you get off the straight and narrow path.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How much did your parents help you with college admissions? If you have kids, how much does that compare to how much you are helping or helped your child?

My parents paid for admissions fees, paid for college visits, and generally encouraged me to get good grades. I think my dad may have bought me an ACT prep book? I see parents on this forum who are so involved in admissions (asking what their kids should wear to interviews, which schools to apply to, which classes to take in both high school and college, general strategizing, etc) and I am kind of shocked.

But at the same time, I can easily foresee my being just as involved, and DD is in fifth grade.

What is this parental help that you speak of? I'm not familiar with that.
-Signed, GenX Latchkey kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My parents paid app fees, SAT testing, took to visit schools for me and my two sisters. I picked the schools and applied for the most part on my own. I don’t remember the essays to be completely honest, I’m not sure if they read them or not. I got a full ride, so it didn’t cost them anything... which they were thankful for because my sister was in college at the same time. They gave me $100/month spending money (this was in the late 80s). I have done the same for my kids... I have read some essays and some I haven’t... I encouraged my kids to apply to multiple schools, but both had a first choice that they applied ED and got in and so they only applied to 1 school each. My daughter was full tuition scholarship and got other smaller scholarships, I paid for her travel back and forth to school (about 700 miles away) and she had a PT job for spending $ and was an RA which covered room & board. 4 years at a small liberal arts college and she took out about $10k in loans total which I paid off as her graduation gift in 2017. My son (HS Senior) has a partial scholarship so far and is working on others. I will pay for him to get back and forth and expect him to get a job for spending $. Whatever he ends up taking out in loans I will likely pay off at graduation as long as it isn’t over 50k. I have one more bringing up the rear and I have him on the same path.

If you have the money why would you have your kids take out loans? I don't get parents like you?

Many reasons we decided not to pay outright for college: We have three kids, they are all intelligent and completely capable of earning scholarships to college. We have set them up with plenty of advantages so that have the skills and confidence to succeed in high school, college, and beyond; and if they maximize those advantages there are rewards they get to enjoy as a result. We knew going in that we could not pay 100% (without mortgaging our own futures) for all 3 kids to go to college unless we severely restricted their choices (local state schools only or 2 years at community college then 2 years at U). Rather than restrict them in that way, we set up the expectation that they could go to any school they wanted if they could get in and pay for it. We are here to support them, but at this stage of their lives they are to play the leading role... it’s a set up for success later in life when mom and dad can’t be their safety net anymore. Our daughter chose a school with an annual cost of attendance of about $75k, that’s $300k in 4 years. Imagine if she thought we would foot the bill, what motivation does she have to a. Earn and maintain a scholarship, b. Graduate in 4 years, c. Minimize spending so she walks away with manageable debt? Side benefits also included that she learned that being an RA was a hard job with low pay, but the benefits made it the best possible job as far as value for your time goes. By her senior year, her room and board were completely free. She also made connections that helped her to do a summer abroad at no cost, get into graduate school and start her career. I’m not saying none of those things would have been possible without her taking on the financial burden of her own education, but she would be more likely to end up like many of her friends from college who struggle mightily with adulting and 3 years out are still living at home with their parents or in a parent subsidized situation. Thinking that she would have about $10k in debt when she graduated did not overly stress our daughter out, but she was very grateful when we handed her the check to pay it off. The fact that it cost us so little means that if she stumbles and needs help along the way later in life we can be there, but it also makes that less likely to happen.

Our son is headed down a very similar path, because we have set the expectation, he looks for how he can pay or get things paid for without us before he comes to us with outstretched hands. Because he got accepted ED to his first choice school he has spent all of his time since December applying for scholarships, thinking about what he wants his college experience to look like in terms of a job and reaching out to faculty and staff and making connections early. He found out that he could get his orientation weekend heavily subsidized by participating in the program, and he was one of 4 students selected to do so, which turned into him being asked to participate in a summer program on campus this summer that will allow him to move into the dorms 4 weeks before everyone else (room and food are free for the 4 weeks) and because they are paying his travel to get there, we won’t have that expense. We had no idea this program even existed. The annual cost of attendance of his school is about $45k, which over 4 years is about 180k. His situation is slightly different because he is looking at applying to a program where he get his BS and JD in five years so the total would be more like $225k. I don’t have $200k to hand him today, but I do have the patience to talk to him about his decisions and assist him to make choices to get that end cost as low as possible. His goal is to graduate with less than $10k in debt because he’s seen it done.

I know this is rambling, and I apologize but I hope I answered your question satisfactorily.

[Anonymous]

Literally nothing. They are immigrants and didn't know anything about the admissions process, etc. Same as high school. I think they may have looked at my report cards in elementary school perhaps? but after that, it was way over their heads (not intellectual wise, just language barriers, different culture, etc.)

Although I do remember my sisters got C's in some class and they got special tutoring in high school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My parents paid app fees, SAT testing, took to visit schools for me and my two sisters. I picked the schools and applied for the most part on my own. I don’t remember the essays to be completely honest, I’m not sure if they read them or not. I got a full ride, so it didn’t cost them anything... which they were thankful for because my sister was in college at the same time. They gave me $100/month spending money (this was in the late 80s). I have done the same for my kids... I have read some essays and some I haven’t... I encouraged my kids to apply to multiple schools, but both had a first choice that they applied ED and got in and so they only applied to 1 school each. My daughter was full tuition scholarship and got other smaller scholarships, I paid for her travel back and forth to school (about 700 miles away) and she had a PT job for spending $ and was an RA which covered room & board. 4 years at a small liberal arts college and she took out about $10k in loans total which I paid off as her graduation gift in 2017. My son (HS Senior) has a partial scholarship so far and is working on others. I will pay for him to get back and forth and expect him to get a job for spending $. Whatever he ends up taking out in loans I will likely pay off at graduation as long as it isn’t over 50k. I have one more bringing up the rear and I have him on the same path.

If you have the money why would you have your kids take out loans? I don't get parents like you?

I don't completely disagree with PP. It's to motivate them to graduate. I know sooooo many kids whose parents not only paid upfront, but also gave them plenty of spending money, only to have them fail out. Wasted money. If they think they're paying for it, they're more motived to finish. If they don't finish, they actually do pay for it. They finish, you pay it off.

-Signed someone in their 40's STILL paying off student loans who received zero parental assistance and went to a large state university.