What do you think of people that hire a ton of help

[Anonymous]

I work PT as a nanny for wealthy people. I’m a single parent and if I had the money, I would totally hire someone to clean my house.

[Anonymous]

I wonder what they do with their time.

Are they working so hard in order to maintain the outsourcing and Instagram lifestyle, or does it free them up to enjoy their family life? I don't judge in the sense of feeling superior or shaming. I feel bad that they are operating under such tremendous social pressure.

If it's so they actually get to enjoy the lives they've built, then kudos.

[Anonymous]

No judgment. I wish I could hire a lot of help. I was just telling dh last week that I wish I had 15 hours of cook help a week, 40 hours of a cleaning lady and 10 hours of lawn care. I bet my place would be immaculate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The only parents I've judged in that situation was a family who seemed to have a kid as an accessory. They had 3 nannies, one started at 5am and the other finished at 10pm. Then they had a weekend one. The only time that I saw the parents was when they hosted functions, and even then they took pics with their kid to post online but otherwise the nanny did everything. They had a maid, tutors, chef, etc.

I envy those kids!

[Anonymous]

That they have enviable finances?

[Anonymous]

op, you sounds like you have a ton of issues and you kind of suck as a person.

[Anonymous]

I don’t judge but I do get curious about finances. I’m too frugal to outsource anything, even things we can.. I don’t know if that’s the best way to do it. I think everyone finds what works for them.

[Anonymous]

I guess I judge only because I don’t like to outsource things myself. It is a little bit of a Protestant work ethic thing (even tho I’m Jewish). We have an au pair but I find myself using her for hours ONLY when I’m physically away at work. I think DH would prefer if I outsource more because I sort of assume that whenever I’m not with the kids then DH needs to be with the kids (unless we’re at work).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You would probably think I hire an insane amount of help and don't know how to parent my own kids...but I truly don't care. I have the means and value my sanity. I work FT, and so does DH. I grew up watching my mom come home tired from a full day on her feet working and then cook dinner and deal with all the random demands of 3 kids. Of course she managed, but what benefit did it give us to have an exhausted mother? My parents could easily have afforded more help. My mom constantly tells me that she is so happy I have help and regrets not hiring more when we were young.

How much help do you have? We both work ft (and dh well beyond that) and have a full time nanny and a once a week housekeeper so I’m already lucky to come home to a clean house and not have the grind of getting kids to daycare. But I have a weird hang up that I feel like if I’m home, I should be doing it myself. If I get home early I always send the nanny home as soon as I’m home (I still pay full hours as I should), I’ve never before hired a helper on weekends. My neighbor always has her nanny stay the full hours even when she or her husband are there to keep cleaning up after the kids / prepare dinner / be another set of hand. That just feels so weird to me but I don’t know why. And this weekend was amazing

Wait, is this OP? So you have a full-time nanny and a once-a-week housekeeper and you look down on people who hire a ton of help? HELLO, YOU ARE ONE OF THEM. Your martyr attitude of sending the nanny home early and working in your house is obnoxious, but the fact that you don't think you hire a ton of help is even worse. You sound completely insufferable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t really think anything of what others do but if you’re asking ... I think it is weak and you should be able to handle your own kids. But I am also from the midwest and value not “being spoiled.”

I have 3 kids and have been amazed at how many people ask me if I have help and have been surprised when I say no (after first having to clarify what they are asking!). Um, no, they are my kids.

Oh good, it only took one page for the sanctimommies to show up. We get it, you're awesome, the rest of us should never had had kids, etc. etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t really think anything of what others do but if you’re asking ... I think it is weak and you should be able to handle your own kids. But I am also from the midwest and value not “being spoiled.”

I have 3 kids and have been amazed at how many people ask me if I have help and have been surprised when I say no (after first having to clarify what they are asking!). Um, no, they are my kids.

Oh good, it only took one page for the sanctimommies to show up. We get it, you're awesome, the rest of us should never had had kids, etc. etc.

Pp isn’t sanctimonious unless you have evidence she hires help? You are using the word incorrectly. In order to be sanctimonious both piety and hypocrisy must be present. You mean “smug.”

[Anonymous]

I wish I could do it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We can afford it and we used to have a nanny but I would always send her home as soon as I got home from work. My mom ‘did it all’ without complaining so I feel lazy having child care help if I’m not away at work myself.

How does your husband feel? I'm genuinely curious how he handled the nanny if he was the one who got home early. My husband and I both work. While I took the kids out for lunch and a playdate yesterday he did four loads of laundry, remade the beds with clean sheets and duvet covers, washed all the couch cushions on the first floor, vacuumed the whole house, and took the dogs for a walk. When he gets home early, he also usually lets the nanny go unless there's something he needs help with (which would be the same as me, i.e. she helps the kids get bathed while we finish dinner). If your husband doesn't feel lazy having child care help if he's not away at work, then you need to stop feeling that way.

[Anonymous]

i think about how judgmental i was pre-kids.

[Anonymous]

My friend has 4 kids. She has a fully time nanny, and 3 part time babysitters. Kids are all in school full time. She is freed up to spend a lot of time with one kid. She can go on one kid’s all day field trip, have another kid picked up from school and be at soccer and have another kid picked up and go to baseball. Her house is spotless, she looks great and still spends lots of time with her kids.