What do you think of people that hire a ton of help

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can be pretty judgy of people who refuse to hire any help. One of my fellow biglaw associates had a husband with also a demanding job. They had no nanny, no cleaning service. Of course it compromised her ability to meet expectations.

WTH? You judge people who don’t pay others to raise their kids or clean their house? Okay then. Only on DCUM

Yes if they’re stretching themselves insanely thin for no real reason.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I only judge when I see something where parents are super unengaged and it seems like they are overly hands off. Recent example: nice restaurant in Manhattan on a Sunday afternoon. 2 parents sat there drinking wine and talking/on their phones for a 2.5 he meal where they didn't once interact with the one 4ish year old who was there with them, with the nanny. Idk, maybe they're amazing the other 99 percent of the time, but I side eyed a bit. I can't imagine having one kid and needing to hire someone to accompany me and spouse to a Sunday brunch.

I agree with this and the PP further upthread who basically said something similar. If parents hire lots of help to avoid having to deal with their kids, I would judge that. Those people should not have kids.

I can understand parents who hire help with things if they can afford it, but I do wonder what it does to the kids if all the household work is outsourced. They will be those kids who go to college and fall apart. There is something to be said about learning the basics of doing your laundry, cleaning your bathroom, doing the dishes, mowing the lawn etc.

If you really do wonder, I had a housekeeper growing up who came every day. I never made my bed, never did my laundry, never cleaned a bathroom, never really did the dishes although I'd clean up a little after I cooked or baked, and to this day I have never moved a lawn. I never had a problem making my bed in college or doing my laundry there, and my house now is very well kept. I'm a sample size of one, but I'm here to say that not doing any of that stuff growing up had no impact on my ability to learn to do it later in life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't judge but envy those who can afford help.

I took care of my twins by myself and started resenting a lot of things. I stopped cooking the grown up meals which were more time consuming since it was either take care of the babies or do cooking and cleaning. We ate out most of the time the first two years.


I used to go away for a couple of hours by myself on weekends just to get breathing space. None of it helped. I was angry at the littlest things, frustrated and my kids remember me this way. My husband was of the opinion that a SAHM has to do everything because I am not "working" and refused to hire help. My marriage went downhill after that.

I totally regret not having the nanny or an occasional baby sitter and I feel I did not get to enjoy my children at that stage as much as I should have. I considered doing things for them a chore because I was so worn out.

For those of you who can afford help, get it - spending meaningful time with your kids is more important than the daily drudge of cooking and cleaning.

Sounds like you never really wanted kids and your husband is a douchebag. Getting a nanny just masks all of that. Why would you not consider a housekeeper instead of a nanny if you truly wanted quality time?

Do you have twins? If you do have no kids and raised 2 babies at the same time without no additional help, then you would not say I didn't want kids. Trust me, I wanted kids and love my kids and I enjoy doing things with them now. The initial years were overwhelming with no help from anyone else and a husband who didn't do much with the kids. My husband was the only one earning money and he refused to pay for a housekeeper, nanny, baby sitter because I was staying home. And yeah, my marriage went downhill after that.

[Anonymous]

not no kids, I meant if you do have twins

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can be pretty judgy of people who refuse to hire any help. One of my fellow biglaw associates had a husband with also a demanding job. They had no nanny, no cleaning service. Of course it compromised her ability to meet expectations.

WTH? You judge people who don’t pay others to raise their kids or clean their house? Okay then. Only on DCUM

Yes if they’re stretching themselves insanely thin for no real reason.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We scrimp and sacrifice other things to afford help, and it is such a blessing. Our housekeeper comes 3 times a week. She does the dishes, the laundry, general pick up, vacuuming, and wipes the bathrooms. She even makes us meals twice a week. It is so nice to come home to a clean house and cooked meals, and to have leftovers for lunch. Our evenings are about relaxing and not housework.

This is what I would want. I love my kids. I would spend all day playing with them, doing crafts, taking them places, etc.... but the cleaning, laundry, and cooking gets backed-up and I am sick of spending my weekends catching up.

[Anonymous]

You do you. Lucky you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think no one parent should have to deal with multiple children on their own for more than a couple of hours. So if you’re alone with 2 kids, of course you hire a helper. Or if you and DH have 3 kids, of course you hire a helper.

Did it ever occur to some of you to just stop at one kid if you can't handle more than that without help. Serious question.

+1 If you are the kind of person that is too low energy for multiple kids, or too rigid, inflexible and/or anxious to handle more than one on your own, then do your kid a favor and keep him/her an only child!

PP here and I suppose I am, in fact, too “low energy” at the moment to handle my 1.5yo and 3.5yo alone for extended periods of time - mostly due to sleep deprivation. I mean, I could if I absolutely had to. But I don’t have to (grandparent help and hired help) so why should I? It won’t be forever.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think no one parent should have to deal with multiple children on their own for more than a couple of hours. So if you’re alone with 2 kids, of course you hire a helper. Or if you and DH have 3 kids, of course you hire a helper.

Did it ever occur to some of you to just stop at one kid if you can't handle more than that without help. Serious question.

+1 If you are the kind of person that is too low energy for multiple kids, or too rigid, inflexible and/or anxious to handle more than one on your own, then do your kid a favor and keep him/her an only child!

PP here and I suppose I am, in fact, too “low energy” at the moment to handle my 1.5yo and 3.5yo alone for extended periods of time - mostly due to sleep deprivation. I mean, I could if I absolutely had to. But I don’t have to (grandparent help and hired help) so why should I? It won’t be forever.

OMG I had two kids that age once and I was fine. Some of you are such ninnys.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I only judge when I see something where parents are super unengaged and it seems like they are overly hands off. Recent example: nice restaurant in Manhattan on a Sunday afternoon. 2 parents sat there drinking wine and talking/on their phones for a 2.5 he meal where they didn't once interact with the one 4ish year old who was there with them, with the nanny. Idk, maybe they're amazing the other 99 percent of the time, but I side eyed a bit. I can't imagine having one kid and needing to hire someone to accompany me and spouse to a Sunday brunch.

I agree with this and the PP further upthread who basically said something similar. If parents hire lots of help to avoid having to deal with their kids, I would judge that. Those people should not have kids.

I can understand parents who hire help with things if they can afford it, but I do wonder what it does to the kids if all the household work is outsourced. They will be those kids who go to college and fall apart. There is something to be said about learning the basics of doing your laundry, cleaning your bathroom, doing the dishes, mowing the lawn etc.

If you really do wonder, I had a housekeeper growing up who came every day. I never made my bed, never did my laundry, never cleaned a bathroom, never really did the dishes although I'd clean up a little after I cooked or baked, and to this day I have never moved a lawn. I never had a problem making my bed in college or doing my laundry there, and my house now is very well kept. I'm a sample size of one, but I'm here to say that not doing any of that stuff growing up had no impact on my ability to learn to do it later in life.

So who cleans your house? Who mows your lawn now? DH? Or do you still outsource.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can be pretty judgy of people who refuse to hire any help. One of my fellow biglaw associates had a husband with also a demanding job. They had no nanny, no cleaning service. Of course it compromised her ability to meet expectations.

WTH? You judge people who don’t pay others to raise their kids or clean their house? Okay then. Only on DCUM

Yes if they’re stretching themselves insanely thin for no real reason.

How do you know it's for no reason?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can be pretty judgy of people who refuse to hire any help. One of my fellow biglaw associates had a husband with also a demanding job. They had no nanny, no cleaning service. Of course it compromised her ability to meet expectations.

WTH? You judge people who don’t pay others to raise their kids or clean their house? Okay then. Only on DCUM

Yes if they’re stretching themselves insanely thin for no real reason.

How do you know it's for no reason?

She talked about it a lot.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think no one parent should have to deal with multiple children on their own for more than a couple of hours. So if you’re alone with 2 kids, of course you hire a helper. Or if you and DH have 3 kids, of course you hire a helper.

Did it ever occur to some of you to just stop at one kid if you can't handle more than that without help. Serious question.

+1 If you are the kind of person that is too low energy for multiple kids, or too rigid, inflexible and/or anxious to handle more than one on your own, then do your kid a favor and keep him/her an only child!

PP here and I suppose I am, in fact, too “low energy” at the moment to handle my 1.5yo and 3.5yo alone for extended periods of time - mostly due to sleep deprivation. I mean, I could if I absolutely had to. But I don’t have to (grandparent help and hired help) so why should I? It won’t be forever.

Why on earth do you have sleep deprivation with a 1.5 and 3.5 year old?!?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think no one parent should have to deal with multiple children on their own for more than a couple of hours. So if you’re alone with 2 kids, of course you hire a helper. Or if you and DH have 3 kids, of course you hire a helper.

Did it ever occur to some of you to just stop at one kid if you can't handle more than that without help. Serious question.

+1 If you are the kind of person that is too low energy for multiple kids, or too rigid, inflexible and/or anxious to handle more than one on your own, then do your kid a favor and keep him/her an only child!

PP here and I suppose I am, in fact, too “low energy” at the moment to handle my 1.5yo and 3.5yo alone for extended periods of time - mostly due to sleep deprivation. I mean, I could if I absolutely had to. But I don’t have to (grandparent help and hired help) so why should I? It won’t be forever.

Why on earth do you have sleep deprivation with a 1.5 and 3.5 year old?!?

DP. I am very strict on sleep with my kids, but when my now 3 year old was 1.5 she had night terrors. Nothing we could do about it, but you can sure bet I was sleep deprived (3 kids total, which means there were also the occasional bad dreams or other things to deal with from the older kids, even though they are generally good sleepers).

Yes, there are poor reasons to be sleep deprived with kids that age, but not always.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I only judge when I see something where parents are super unengaged and it seems like they are overly hands off. Recent example: nice restaurant in Manhattan on a Sunday afternoon. 2 parents sat there drinking wine and talking/on their phones for a 2.5 he meal where they didn't once interact with the one 4ish year old who was there with them, with the nanny. Idk, maybe they're amazing the other 99 percent of the time, but I side eyed a bit. I can't imagine having one kid and needing to hire someone to accompany me and spouse to a Sunday brunch.

I agree with this and the PP further upthread who basically said something similar. If parents hire lots of help to avoid having to deal with their kids, I would judge that. Those people should not have kids.

I can understand parents who hire help with things if they can afford it, but I do wonder what it does to the kids if all the household work is outsourced. They will be those kids who go to college and fall apart. There is something to be said about learning the basics of doing your laundry, cleaning your bathroom, doing the dishes, mowing the lawn etc.

I don't know, what does it do to kids to have parents that are less stressed, and have more time to spend doing things with them?

We have a wonderful cleaning lady, who also does laundry. So, while DD (10) doesn't *have* to clean or do laundry, she does in fact, know how to do them. She mops, she sweeps, she vacuums, she cleans the car, she washes the dog towels/beds, she bakes, she's learning how to cook, she both loads the dishwasher, and washes dishes by hand, she takes out the trash, .... She's already saying that when she goes to college, she is going to request roommates that are clean, because that's what she's used to. Her bed is always made, and she cleans/organizes her room periodically, and no one has to tell her to do any of it.