DS just revealed he is being bullied at school

[Anonymous]

OP here with update-

After reviewing the school's anti-bullying literature, I decided to start with the guidance department. Wouldn't you know it, the counselor who covers my son's class was out on Friday. She is supposed to contact me Monday. Good grief... trying to be patient here...

[Anonymous]

Thanks for the update. I hope this all works out for your son.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Be careful how you approach the school. Talk in facts and stay calm. They have a responsibility to the other kid, too (even if he is a little prick). For all you know at this point, they've been working with him for years.

Anyway, the point of this isn't to diminish what your son says is happening, but to suggest that talk to the school in a way that doesn't make them defensive. This isn't about being right, but about getting the administration to work with you and help solve your problem. The old honey v vinegar thing.

This is very good advice. I also think you are smart to start with guidance- they have likely dealt with this issue before.

[Anonymous]

Yes great advice. Perhaps cast it as a situation you feel the school should be aware of, and state that you want your son to be part of the solution, ask the counselor what she thinks he should do etc.

[Anonymous]

Partial update here--
I finally spoke with the counselor Tuesday and she immediately took my concern to the AP. The AP suggested that since both boys involved are good kids (slight eye roll here!), the problem initially be handled by guidance. The guidance counselor met with the other child first--she reports she did this in an anonymous type manner, ie "How are things going with your friends, any problems, etc?" The boy stated that there had been problems, now resolved. Guidance counselor encouraged him to apologize about any possible hurt feelings he may have caused. She was not able to talk with my son yet as he had early dismissal for a doctor's appt.
I spoke with my son about this after talking with the guidance counselor. DS reports he did approach the other kid about being friends again and the the problem is "halfway resolved."
The counselor will meet with my child this afternoon.
She states that if any further issues continue, we can make an administrative referral for bullying/harassment.

At first I was relieved by this, hopefully, positive outcome, but part of me is unhappy that this other child is basically "getting away " with his previous bullying behavior.
I know they are just kids and learning, but it was incredibly hurtful to my child.

So now I guess I have a choice--keep monitoring the situation and take quick action if the bullying continues/escalates, or make more of a fuss about things and demand further action. I'm leaning towards being reasonable and seeing how things go.

Everyone's input has been so helpful--do you think I should accept the "resolution" thus far?

[Anonymous]

Did you hear the WTOP news series on this this past week? You can listen to it at wtopnews.com. The parents in that case ultimately hired a lawyer.

I would not leave the school unless I thought my child was in danger or going to be permanently damaged emotionally by the bullying and we were unable to stop it. I would start with the school admins and be very professional at first but I would go totally scorched earth if they would not intervene to stop the bullying. Lawyers, county supervisors, school board, etc. We live in an era when kids get suspended for a little kiss on the playground for goodness sake! And this bully gets away with calling your son sexual names? NO WAY. Your child has a right to attend school free from fear and harassment!

[Anonymous]

OP, did you read my bullying post?

http://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/87160.page

Get assertive. As a counselor, I would LOVE to have a parent calling and calling and calling. Do not doubt yourself nor your son. TRUST ME. Do not TRUST it is over. Keep the lines of communication open with him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Partial update here--
I finally spoke with the counselor Tuesday and she immediately took my concern to the AP. The AP suggested that since both boys involved are good kids (slight eye roll here!), the problem initially be handled by guidance. The guidance counselor met with the other child first--she reports she did this in an anonymous type manner, ie "How are things going with your friends, any problems, etc?" The boy stated that there had been problems, now resolved. Guidance counselor encouraged him to apologize about any possible hurt feelings he may have caused. She was not able to talk with my son yet as he had early dismissal for a doctor's appt.
I spoke with my son about this after talking with the guidance counselor. DS reports he did approach the other kid about being friends again and the the problem is "halfway resolved."
The counselor will meet with my child this afternoon.
She states that if any further issues continue, we can make an administrative referral for bullying/harassment.

At first I was relieved by this, hopefully, positive outcome, but part of me is unhappy that this other child is basically "getting away " with his previous bullying behavior.
I know they are just kids and learning, but it was incredibly hurtful to my child.

So now I guess I have a choice--keep monitoring the situation and take quick action if the bullying continues/escalates, or make more of a fuss about things and demand further action. I'm leaning towards being reasonable and seeing how things go.

Everyone's input has been so helpful--do you think I should accept the "resolution" thus far?

Ask your son how he feels about the resolution so far, and how it specifically affects him at school. Has the bully been saying mean things to him still? What about other kids?

[Anonymous]

PP here. Woops, OP, my advice ended up in the previous post in blue.

[Anonymous]

more bullying advice --
http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/surviving-your-childs-adolescence/201002/being-bullied-helping-your-adolescent-not-get-pushed-a

Seems to me that adults need to make the ground rules against bullying clear but it's really gets solved when the two kids face off. You are a great mom to lend your voice to your child's. Keep it up!

[Anonymous]

How is it going OP?

[Anonymous]

I have very non-PC advice. It will make the problem go away. Figure out how to get in the face of the bullier -- and quietly scare the daylights out of him/her. I mean be creative -- growl softly and threaten. And don't tell any adults of your strategy -- they'll vehemently disagree. But in the end the lioness is the greatest weapon in this vicious game. If you don't look the part send in your sister or husband. The little shit will back off your kid, no questions asked.

[Anonymous]

PP, I think you may be on to something!

[Anonymous]

23:05 - It is wrong for adults to threaten children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have very non-PC advice. It will make the problem go away. Figure out how to get in the face of the bullier -- and quietly scare the daylights out of him/her. I mean be creative -- growl softly and threaten. And don't tell any adults of your strategy -- they'll vehemently disagree. But in the end the lioness is the greatest weapon in this vicious game. If you don't look the part send in your sister or husband. The little shit will back off your kid, no questions asked.

This is very strange... I would never address a child this way. I would call the police if a an adult threatened my kids.