47.2 is the most miserable age

[Anonymous]

I am loving spending time with my kids at 11 and 14. I am starting to hope that maybe we will get through the teenage years ok.

The aging/dying parent thing can be tough though, no doubt.

[Anonymous]

47.2 -- I was unhappy with my life. I was tired all the time. My body ached. I was noticing I could not do things I used to be able to do...but....48-50 was so much worse. I had to face my own mortality with cancer and heart disease. Stage 4 cancer resulted in removal of a lung and a kidney. My diabetes went out of control. Heart disease resulted in 4 stents and a pacemaker; I went from one doctor (PCP), to a team -- PCP, cardiologist, endocrinologist, arrhythmia specialist, nephrologist, and oncologist.
Scared the crap out of me.

For about 4 years (49-53), I was certain I would not see my kid graduate HS. My low point was 50...and then, it occurred to me, we are all going to go sometime. We have little control over when it will happen (we can make it happen, but can not extend forever). And I realized if it got significantly worse, I could take care of it. But it did not. Instead of looking several years ahead, I only planned my life to the next scan. I lived for the day. And if it was a nice day, I blew off work. I enjoyed my life. I realized, at this point, each day was a bonus day; the cancer should have gotten me earlier, and if not, the blockage in the LAD artery should have.

I got out of the bad place emotionally. Today, at 56, I am good. Body does not work as well as it used to (poorly designed shoulder gave out, was repaired, and am recovering), and my plumbing does not work well anymore (I am male), but since my wife as no interest in sex, it is ok.

And this year, DD graduates HS.

[Anonymous]

Ugh, you again?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ugh, you again?

Your point being? Or are you just an a-hole?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I just...don't believe this. Things are pretty a-ok over here. I mean, we have had our struggles to be sure, but DAMN, people.

You've never had a bad year where it was one stressful thing after another happening? If not, count your blessings.

Everyone has their struggles, no kidding. I don't believe that we're talking about that. We're talking about those years when everything just seems to hit the fan all at once. Trust me, you'll know it when it happens to you. Enjoy your current smooth sailing, though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:47.2 -- I was unhappy with my life. I was tired all the time. My body ached. I was noticing I could not do things I used to be able to do...but....48-50 was so much worse. I had to face my own mortality with cancer and heart disease. Stage 4 cancer resulted in removal of a lung and a kidney. My diabetes went out of control. Heart disease resulted in 4 stents and a pacemaker; I went from one doctor (PCP), to a team -- PCP, cardiologist, endocrinologist, arrhythmia specialist, nephrologist, and oncologist.
Scared the crap out of me.

For about 4 years (49-53), I was certain I would not see my kid graduate HS. My low point was 50...and then, it occurred to me, we are all going to go sometime. We have little control over when it will happen (we can make it happen, but can not extend forever). And I realized if it got significantly worse, I could take care of it. But it did not. Instead of looking several years ahead, I only planned my life to the next scan. I lived for the day. And if it was a nice day, I blew off work. I enjoyed my life. I realized, at this point, each day was a bonus day; the cancer should have gotten me earlier, and if not, the blockage in the LAD artery should have.

I got out of the bad place emotionally. Today, at 56, I am good. Body does not work as well as it used to (poorly designed shoulder gave out, was repaired, and am recovering), and my plumbing does not work well anymore (I am male), but since my wife as no interest in sex, it is ok.

And this year, DD graduates HS.

You made it through all of that and managed to gain a new perspective and appreciation of life. I hope the stress is all behind you now and that the coming years will be peaceful, happy and healthy for you.

[Anonymous]

47 was one of my best years! My career took off like a rocket and my home life was great.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am loving spending time with my kids at 11 and 14. I am starting to hope that maybe we will get through the teenage years ok.

The aging/dying parent thing can be tough though, no doubt.

Oh boy. At 11 and 14, you don't know anything yet about the teen years! That's such a sweet spot.

I think that 51 is the WORST year. Fifty is still filled with bday celebrations. 51 is when it all sinks in. (And starts sagging.)

[Anonymous]

I turned 48 in October. Yes, I would agree with the premise of this article. It all went to shit at 47.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am loving spending time with my kids at 11 and 14. I am starting to hope that maybe we will get through the teenage years ok.

The aging/dying parent thing can be tough though, no doubt.

Oh boy. At 11 and 14, you don't know anything yet about the teen years! That's such a sweet spot.

I think that 51 is the WORST year. Fifty is still filled with bday celebrations. 51 is when it all sinks in. (And starts sagging.)

Well, you can do something about the sagging!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am loving spending time with my kids at 11 and 14. I am starting to hope that maybe we will get through the teenage years ok.

The aging/dying parent thing can be tough though, no doubt.

Oh boy. At 11 and 14, you don't know anything yet about the teen years! That's such a sweet spot.

I think that 51 is the WORST year. Fifty is still filled with bday celebrations. 51 is when it all sinks in. (And starts sagging.)

Plenty of people have been through rough tween and teen years by the time their kid is 14. And plenty (including me, a very happy 51 year old) have absolutely loved the teen phase for both their teen boys and girls. Mine were so generally delightful that I felt no sense of relief at all when they left for college. I was just sad to have less time with them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is it because of teenagers? I'm younger, but I had my kids young. Teenagers are wearing me down. Way down.

Hopefully they launch. Please god let them launch.

Oh honey, have you had the lovely experience of adding a parent with angry, hostile, mean, agitated dementia to that? Nothing like getting venom from both sides. It's a special taste of H&ll when elderly parents act like hostile teenagers, but you know it will only get worse and at least teenagers get better.

PP here, I'm lucky that my teens and my elderly mom are not necessarily difficult people. But just dealing with the kids' stuff and then the phone rings and having to switch gears and help an elderly parent with some random, out of left field (time consuming) thing...it is sort of draining.

When our parents were our age their kids were launched already so we really don't have a memory of our parents juggling both teens/tweens and elderly parents at the same time. It's hard and feels sort of thankless at times. It makes me feel like I'm half azzing everything because there is always something.

Well said and I so relate!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am loving spending time with my kids at 11 and 14. I am starting to hope that maybe we will get through the teenage years ok.

The aging/dying parent thing can be tough though, no doubt.

I don't mean to scare you and not everybody goes through this. Yes, the aging part was hard. What was harder was the personality changes and personality exaggerations. Low grade anxiety with dementia turned into extreme obsessiveness and agitation. A parent I was close to became a verbally abusive tyrant to me constantly trying to start drama. I was burning out helping only to find not only was what i did not appreciated, it was never enough. In the end for some of us we have a person who for the finally year was raging at us, who no longer knows who we are and at the very end is unable to use the bathroom or feed or even talk independently. When the end came I was relieved the person was resting in peace and there is this calm where slowly you realize the emergency calls, the drama, the heartache, the endless anxiety are all over. I am sure some people will be horrified, but if you have to watch a parent's personality change for the worst, lose all memories of loved ones and suffer, death is not the hard part, especially if it has been a 6 or 7 year decline.

[Anonymous]

Loving my 60s. Kid is launched (mostly). Have paid off huge student debt. Making decent money now. Lucky to have my health and a good relationship with my partner. But the 40s and early 50s were tough! Hang in there, everyone!

[Anonymous]

You guys are scaring the pants off of me. I'm 42 and the past few years have been so stressful between managing young kids, careers, constant illnesses, extended family woes, trying to find time for DH and I to take care of ourselves too...maybe it's just life? I hate to think about the most miserable years still being ahead of me.