gift giving: when you have more kids than your siblings

[Anonymous]

Make a gift rotation with each family (your side and your husband's side).

Assume every letter is one nuclear family. You have children A1, A2, A3 and A4. You one sibling has child B1 and your other sibling has child C1. On your side, put the six kids names into a hat and every kid draws one name. That child gives a gift to the picked child. That means that you'll buy 4 gifts and they'll each buy 1 gift. But all kids will get one gift. You open then when these cousins are together.

On your husband's side, you have A1, A2, A3, and A4. His siblings have Y1 and Z1. Same thing. Each kid (or parents) are designated to give one gift to the child drawn. You open these when this side cousins are together.

This way, when the kids get together with the cousins, everyone gets one gift. You each end up buying one gift for each child of yours to give. As they get old enough, the kids get to help brainstorm what gift to give their cousins (or siblings since your kids will end up sometimes picking a gift for a sibling instead of a cousin).

[Anonymous]

I have an only and my sibling has 3 kids. We all spend the same amount $100. It doesn't bother me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can you ask your siblings to give your family a group gift? Something you all can use together--a board game, a basketball hoop, a video game, an art supply kit, whatever would be helpful? One part of my extended family does all whole-family gifts. I don't know how it started, but it's been going on for many years (through many ages and stages) and tends to work well.

This is a great idea as long as each family is on board with how much to spend. You don't want one family to be giving out Monopoly games while another family is giving out big screened t.v.s.

Maybe set the limit at $50 per family gift. If it starts to become a gift card exchange I would highly recommend switching over to the stocking gift idea.

Seconding this. I'm one of five kids and often these types of group gifts were more fun than smaller ones. My grandparents even do this now. Instead of giving us individual gifts as adults, they pay for something special if we're all together for Christmas like a dinner or family photo.

[Anonymous]

Don’t try to make everything equal in terms of money. Give what you want to give, what you can afford and what won’t make anyone feel bad if that’s possible. We have the same amount of kids as my sister and my brother does not have any. We do not struggle financially and both of my siblings do. They both want to give presents to my kids because it makes them feel good. I would love to help out my brother financially and give my sister’s children expensive gifts they can’t afford but they would be upset if I did this and find it insulting. Like I was showing off. So I definitely still spend more on them than they spend on us but we don’t go overboard to make sure it’s not that much and reach the point that they think we are rubbing things in their face. Definitely some sibling rivalry still present...

[Anonymous]

The kids don't look at it like the adults do. The only child will feel like everything is equal if each kid gets the same number of gifts (or around the same price), and that's what matters.

I have an only child. My brother has 3. I spend approximately $30 on each niece, but would never expect them to spend $90 on our son. If they spend $30 on my son, it seems even Steven to me!

[Anonymous]

Stop buying kids presents. Other than your own, and they all do the same. The end.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Make a gift rotation with each family (your side and your husband's side).

Assume every letter is one nuclear family. You have children A1, A2, A3 and A4. You one sibling has child B1 and your other sibling has child C1. On your side, put the six kids names into a hat and every kid draws one name. That child gives a gift to the picked child. That means that you'll buy 4 gifts and they'll each buy 1 gift. But all kids will get one gift. You open then when these cousins are together.

On your husband's side, you have A1, A2, A3, and A4. His siblings have Y1 and Z1. Same thing. Each kid (or parents) are designated to give one gift to the child drawn. You open these when this side cousins are together.

This way, when the kids get together with the cousins, everyone gets one gift. You each end up buying one gift for each child of yours to give. As they get old enough, the kids get to help brainstorm what gift to give their cousins (or siblings since your kids will end up sometimes picking a gift for a sibling instead of a cousin).

This is weird.

It would make more sense to just do one gift per family. This system where you’re buying your kids gifts from the extended family seems like a PITA. Just switch to one gift per family if you’re such a stickler for keeping the dollar amounts exactly the same.

[Anonymous]

It isn't about numbers.

I am single and am now truly an "only" after losing my daughter.

My four siblings each have a spouse and two children. I buy gifts for ALL of them (all 16) even though I only get four gifts from them. Do I care? Of course not!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have an only and my brother has 3. He is the opposite of you and it annoys me. I buy for all his kids birthday, Christmas and Easter. He spends the same on my one kid that I spend on each of his kids. I keep doing it though because I want his kids to know I send cool stuff...lol

Are you for real??
Geez lady grow up

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We are one and done, and each sibling has 3. I do get upset when we have to spend a ton of money in total for gifts and they each just spend $15 or $25 on my one kid. It doesn't help when they are far richer than we are. We've asked for the last 2 years to forego gifts and ironically the richest sibling refuses and insists on exchanging gifts.

Honestly, we are at the point where we don't get our own kid gifts we'd like to get her so that we can afford the cousin's gifts. And they don't get my kid gifts she'd want or what we would have gotten her.

OP, keep overcompensating

I would stop doing this - get the cousin's small gifts you can afford and buy your kiddo what you would like to be able to buy them. If they take issue suggest ending the kid gift exchange and replace with a kid-friendly Secret Santa set up instead. Your follow up on what they get your kid only puts the cherry on top of my opinion.

[Anonymous]

I just can’t understand the gift giving logic so many of you have. We have 2 and DHs brothers each have 3. We spend approximately the same on each of the six kids we buy for regardless of what the others spend on my kids. It’s about giving the kids something they will enjoy and that you can afford. It has never bothered me that we spend more than the others on gifts.

[Anonymous]

You could have each of your children give a gift to each cousin. That way you'd be buying four gifts for each cousin just as each cousin is buying four gifts for your family. I'd say that, or ask your siblings to buy a group gift for your kids. Or just leave it alone and keep doing what you're doing if no one seems to care.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have none and my siblings have seven between them. I just buy the kids gifts.

Do you get any gifts in return? I buy gifts for my seven nieces and nephews and I hardly ever receive anything in return. Maybe one sibling will give me a scarf or gift card for twenty five dollars for Xmas and then nothing for my birthday. When I send their kids Xmas gifts, birthday and graduation gifts etc. I think it’s a little rude. Oh, I also barely ever get acknowdgement if the gift if they are sent via mail - not even a thank you, it gothere text.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I just can’t understand the gift giving logic so many of you have. We have 2 and DHs brothers each have 3. We spend approximately the same on each of the six kids we buy for regardless of what the others spend on my kids. It’s about giving the kids something they will enjoy and that you can afford. It has never bothered me that we spend more than the others on gifts.

Yeah by two and three are much smaller discrepancies.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The kids don't look at it like the adults do. The only child will feel like everything is equal if each kid gets the same number of gifts (or around the same price), and that's what matters.

I have an only child. My brother has 3. I spend approximately $30 on each niece, but would never expect them to spend $90 on our son. If they spend $30 on my son, it seems even Steven to me!

This. It’s not fair for the only child to get more gifts than his cousin who has siblings.