gift giving: when you have more kids than your siblings

[Anonymous]

DH and my siblings each have an only child (they are "one and done"), and we now have... four kids. It wasn't a big deal when we had two kids to their one, or even three. But four seems like a lot of kids for our siblings to buy for, when we are only buying for their one child. This goes for holiday season and birthday. I'm finding myself overcompensating... say they're spending about $25 on each of our kids... I feel like I should spend closer to $100 on their kid. I don't mind spending the $. And I don't want them to feel "shorted" if I get them a simple gift for $25 or even $50. I've tried suggesting we forego giving gifts, but they want to give gifts.

How would you handle?

If you are the parent of an only, or even two kids, and gift to someone in your family with a larger number of kids, how do you feel and how would you honestly prefer to handle?

I guess I just don't want anyone to feel that we are shaking people down for gifts. The truth is, it would be easier to just not exchange, but that's a no-go.

[Anonymous]

How many siblings do you each have? Enough to do a secret Santa amongst the cousins on each side?

Otherwise if you've offered to forgo and they've declined, I'd keep doing what you're doing and not feel bad about it.

[Anonymous]

The cousins all do a Secret Santa, and set a spending limit. You can start it even when some of the kids are really young and then it's a set tradition.

[Anonymous]

I'd keep doing what you're doing. I spend more on my SIL's family than they do on us, but we HAVE more. I don't mind doing it at all.

[Anonymous]

Same except we have 2 and our siblings have none. We've spoken to our siblings about eliminating gift giving all together, but they state they love buying for the nieces. We do give them more expensive gifts than they give us.

[Anonymous]

I have an only and my brother has 3. He is the opposite of you and it annoys me. I buy for all his kids birthday, Christmas and Easter. He spends the same on my one kid that I spend on each of his kids. I keep doing it though because I want his kids to know I send cool stuff...lol

[Anonymous]

I have none and my siblings have seven between them. I just buy the kids gifts.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Not enough cousins on either side for a secret Santa exchange to make sense. I’d really like to just stop exchanging but I’ve brought it up a few times to no avail.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have none and my siblings have seven between them. I just buy the kids gifts.

+1. I have two and have 10 nieces and nephews to buy for (with one more on the way!). I buy what I can afford and don't think too much beyond that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have none and my siblings have seven between them. I just buy the kids gifts.

+1 We have none, my sib has one, my husband's sib has three. We buy them gifts, don't expect anything in return - it's totally fine (with us).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Not enough cousins on either side for a secret Santa exchange to make sense. I’d really like to just stop exchanging but I’ve brought it up a few times to no avail.

My advice is to chill out. You're making it an issue, when apparently it's not actually an issue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Not enough cousins on either side for a secret Santa exchange to make sense. I’d really like to just stop exchanging but I’ve brought it up a few times to no avail.

Instead of doing big gifts could you do smaller stocking gifts? That way all the kids get some fun surprises to open with their cousins but no one is spending $$$$$$.

[Anonymous]

Don't over think it, but do try to be generous. Also, let them know that it's ok to skip a birthday present, or to keep it simple.

[Anonymous]

Can you ask your siblings to give your family a group gift? Something you all can use together--a board game, a basketball hoop, a video game, an art supply kit, whatever would be helpful? One part of my extended family does all whole-family gifts. I don't know how it started, but it's been going on for many years (through many ages and stages) and tends to work well.

[Anonymous]

I try not to base my gift giving on what I think my kids would get in return because then my nieces and nephews with parent in different economic circumstances would not get the same thing. Our family rule was gifts to kids unless someone was childless, then that person got a gift. The last childless person had a kid, so now that's moot. I have a budget for my nieces and nephews and I divide it up among them equally. So it doesn't matter what is or may be given to my kids by their aunts and uncles. I also would prefer to keep giving gifts to the kids of the family (although I was happy for everyone to drop the adults, which had degenerated into gift cards of roughly equal value).