gift giving: when you have more kids than your siblings

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Can you ask your siblings to give your family a group gift? Something you all can use together--a board game, a basketball hoop, a video game, an art supply kit, whatever would be helpful? One part of my extended family does all whole-family gifts. I don't know how it started, but it's been going on for many years (through many ages and stages) and tends to work well.

This is a great idea as long as each family is on board with how much to spend. You don't want one family to be giving out Monopoly games while another family is giving out big screened t.v.s.

Maybe set the limit at $50 per family gift. If it starts to become a gift card exchange I would highly recommend switching over to the stocking gift idea.

[Anonymous]

We are one and done, and each sibling has 3. I do get upset when we have to spend a ton of money in total for gifts and they each just spend $15 or $25 on my one kid. It doesn't help when they are far richer than we are. We've asked for the last 2 years to forego gifts and ironically the richest sibling refuses and insists on exchanging gifts.

Honestly, we are at the point where we don't get our own kid gifts we'd like to get her so that we can afford the cousin's gifts. And they don't get my kid gifts she'd want or what we would have gotten her.

OP, keep overcompensating

[Anonymous]

Pp again, sorry, hit send too soon.

OP, keep overcompensating. Some may not tell you. But it may be a financial burden.

[Anonymous]

I would spend $100 like you are doing. Check in to make sure she is still ok with arrangement.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Pp again, sorry, hit send too soon.

OP, keep overcompensating. Some may not tell you. But it may be a financial burden.

Just hang stockings and let people bring small gifts (no gift label) to put in them if they want to. The ladies all get the same thing, the men all get the same thing, the kids get the same thing and everyone gets the same amount of presents in their stocking. Limit it to $5 per gift and nobody will be breaking the bank. If you want, you can do it just for the kids. Honestly, it's fun for the adults, too.

[Anonymous]

I have a similar question. My husband and I are childless (not by choice -- although I guess that's not pertinent). I'm an only child and my dad is living but my mom's dead. Husband has 2 living grandparents, mom, dad, a sister and BIL and 2 nephews (an infant and a toddler). We usually set a per person budget. Is it ok to scale back on the sister and BIL and spend more on the kids or do we just need to spend more as their family grows? I make a decent living but my husband owns a small business that's struggling. I guess I'm getting resentful that we spend a lot more $ on his family of origin than mine. Do we need to spend the same $ on the baby and toddler this year since the baby won't have any clue what's going on?

[Anonymous]

We have one. DH has two brothers - one has 2 kids, one has five. Basically we spend the same amount- their kids get gift cards in 10-15 amounts and DD usually get a $100 check from the five kid family and a 30ish dollar gift from the two kid family. We are not close and this the only time of the year we exchange any kind of gifts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a similar question. My husband and I are childless (not by choice -- although I guess that's not pertinent). I'm an only child and my dad is living but my mom's dead. Husband has 2 living grandparents, mom, dad, a sister and BIL and 2 nephews (an infant and a toddler). We usually set a per person budget. Is it ok to scale back on the sister and BIL and spend more on the kids or do we just need to spend more as their family grows? I make a decent living but my husband owns a small business that's struggling. I guess I'm getting resentful that we spend a lot more $ on his family of origin than mine. Do we need to spend the same $ on the baby and toddler this year since the baby won't have any clue what's going on?

I would try like hell to implement a Secret Santa or white elephant swap, with a set dollar limit for your husband's family. That can be tricky to do as the in-law, but perhaps you can get your husband on board and have him broach it. Hopefully most of them will be relieved to have less shopping to do.

In our families we sometimes do a Secret Santa among the adults, and the kids get presents. Once the kid is off to college or 18, they join the Secret Santa pool.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Can you ask your siblings to give your family a group gift? Something you all can use together--a board game, a basketball hoop, a video game, an art supply kit, whatever would be helpful? One part of my extended family does all whole-family gifts. I don't know how it started, but it's been going on for many years (through many ages and stages) and tends to work well.

+1. I find that's easier with my biggish family anyway -- the kids all play with whatever's in the house, so unless it's a doll or a journal, it's probably getting shared.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Not enough cousins on either side for a secret Santa exchange to make sense. I’d really like to just stop exchanging but I’ve brought it up a few times to no avail.

My advice is to chill out. You're making it an issue, when apparently it's not actually an issue.

+1
I agree but think it's nice you're self-aware. I have twins, and when we go to birthday parties, I always bring 2 gifts as they receive separate gifts from shared friends - but I don't think any of the friends cared.
Gifts are unconditional, give what you like, don't overthink it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We are one and done, and each sibling has 3. I do get upset when we have to spend a ton of money in total for gifts and they each just spend $15 or $25 on my one kid. It doesn't help when they are far richer than we are. We've asked for the last 2 years to forego gifts and ironically the richest sibling refuses and insists on exchanging gifts.

Honestly, we are at the point where we don't get our own kid gifts we'd like to get her so that we can afford the cousin's gifts. And they don't get my kid gifts she'd want or what we would have gotten her.

OP, keep overcompensating

You are ridiculous.

You should give gifts you can afford. If that means each of the cousins gets a book, so be it. You are the problem. Only you can decide to stop spending more than you can afford.

[Anonymous]

We have an only, brother has 3 and we have one sister with no kids. For Christmas, I send sister a gift card and 3 nephews gift cards. No present for brother. If sister had a child eventually, I’ll do the same thing. Everyone in the family follows this. I send $50 gift cards to each nephew for Christmas (and no, my DS does not get the equivalent back - probably $50-$75 worth of stuff). Doesn’t bother me. I do cut back for birthdays though - cash in the amount of their age until they graduate from High School. A large graduation $ gift and then bday cards only going forward. I still send the Christmas gifts even after 18 though. No one in our family cares whether the presents are equal in value.

[Anonymous]

If it isn’t a financial issue for them I would not worry about it. I would let them know that you’d be totally fine with making changes though- like a secret Santa type thing or a shared experience in lieu of gifts (at some point if he wants to)

I’d feel as you do and be generous with gifts for the only child...but I certainly wouldn’t spend 4x as much- that is rather crazy.

Personally- exchanging family gifts or planning a fun day out together instead of gifts - sounds way better to me but I understand sometimes people want to keep the tradition and it isn’t up to just you.

[Anonymous]

Agree with op. Suggest a no gift exchange. Your siblings will be relieved. 4 kids is a lot to buy for.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We are one and done, and each sibling has 3. I do get upset when we have to spend a ton of money in total for gifts and they each just spend $15 or $25 on my one kid. It doesn't help when they are far richer than we are. We've asked for the last 2 years to forego gifts and ironically the richest sibling refuses and insists on exchanging gifts.

Honestly, we are at the point where we don't get our own kid gifts we'd like to get her so that we can afford the cousin's gifts. And they don't get my kid gifts she'd want or what we would have gotten her.

OP, keep overcompensating

I would never make my kid suffer in this situation. Thise kids would get some token gift from me and their parents would deal with it. I ain’t ya mama or daddy so you don’t get to break my wallet.