Allow identical twins to answer to wrong name?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, reading your additional responses it sounds like they LIKE being very identical right now. It's a special bond they have. As long as both are on board, I don't think you have a problem right now.

+100.

[Anonymous]

If they don’t want to differentiate themselves more, then what else can you realistically do? I doubt they want to wear name tags.

[Anonymous]

Please do something non-invasive like letters, bracelets, colors, etc.
DS has been in class with identical twins for 3 years and still calls them “the twins” or “one of the twins, I don’t know which.”

I feel terrible that they don’t get called by their names.

[Anonymous]

They are 7 years old. Let them have their fun. They will outgrow it. Or they won’t. Some identical twins are lifelong friends. Stop trying to make twins “just two siblings “ that strangely have the same birthday. And look exactly alike.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have you ever asked them if it bothers them that even family members and close friends confuse them sometimes? If yes, then you can brainstorm ways to look different like haircuts/dye, etc. I wouldn't insist that my 7 year olds correct older relatives all day when their best friends can barely tell them apart. What's the point?

My first cousin has identical twin daughters. The daughters are now in their early 40s and I am Facebook friends with them. When they were little, none of the family could tell them apart. I did not see them very often, but it was absolutely impossible to distinguish “Larla” from “Larlette.”. And not just impossible for me. Their own grandmother had trouble and she saw them frequently.

Fast-forward 35 years. The twins and I were at a funeral of an elderly relative and I had not seen them in-person for years. Yet, for some reason, I thought I could figure out which twin was which, since I am Facebook friends with both of them. I had a nice conversation with each twin separately and used their names. I was pretty proud of myself! Only later did I realize that I had switched them! I knew this because they were tagged in a family photo after the funeral and I recognized that I had confused them. I felt absolutely horrible and apologized to them each, via Facebook, and both were gracious. They laughed it off. They could have corrected me in any of our conversations, but I think they were simply trying to be nice. And to this day, they look identical, they style their hair the same way and have the same hair color, I don’t know how people tell them apart at all. But they seem to have adapted just fine.

Well duh. They live looking the same.

[Anonymous]

I went to school with a set of twins who all the way through high school stayed as the twins. They looked identical, shared the same wardrobe, and had the same hair style. They talked the same, did the same sport, and rally had no identifying features. They were always together and they loved being identical twins.

It was a little strange that neither ever wanted to be an individual. No one could tell them apart and they played that up to be as similar as possible. I haven't seen them since high school but always found it strange how they had no individual identity. They had an older brother and he always said he couldn't tell them apart either. They were always referred to as the "last name" twins or if we were speaking just one of them we used their last name. No one even tried to use their first names.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How can you insist that family and friends get the names right?

In a large family / friend situation -- I think by answering to either name they are just being polite.

+1 Your girls are being polite.

There is nothing polite about pretending to be someone else. It's polite to just say "I'm Susan".

Have you never met twins?

Right?!

I’m surprised at some of the responses suggesting forced differentiation and required haircuts. That’s so extreme. Some twins like being a pair. It’s usually a phase, but sometimes it lasts longer. It seems cruel to me to force a wedge like that.

Quite frankly, unless you do something extremely dramatic like a pixie cut for one and long hair for the other, people are still going to confuse them. I had girls 2.5 years apart who had similar coloring (both gingers) but didn’t look terribly alike, were different ages and sizes, had different hairstyles, etc. People still confused them. I also have a set of identical twins, and some people will call them the wrong name right after being corrected. Some people just don’t care enough to try to differentiate or aren’t capable, and it’s wrong to make children to conform to assist people who can’t be bothered to learn their names.

And for the people saying it’s rude to answer to the wrong name, when it happens often enough, it starts to feel similar to a mispronunciation. How many times do you expect someone to correct a person with authority (and for children, that’s practically every adult, especially family members) before realizing they just won’t get it. How often would you correct your boss’s boss for calling you Mary instead of Marie in passing?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I went to school with a set of twins who all the way through high school stayed as the twins. They looked identical, shared the same wardrobe, and had the same hair style. They talked the same, did the same sport, and rally had no identifying features. They were always together and they loved being identical twins.

It was a little strange that neither ever wanted to be an individual. No one could tell them apart and they played that up to be as similar as possible. I haven't seen them since high school but always found it strange how they had no individual identity. They had an older brother and he always said he couldn't tell them apart either. They were always referred to as the "last name" twins or if we were speaking just one of them we used their last name. No one even tried to use their first names.

So? I don't understand why you thought this was strange? If they'd wanted to be called by their first names, they would have distinguished themselves so that people could tell them apart.

OP, you don't have a problem. So what if they weren't correcting people?

[Anonymous]

OP, c'mon...they're totally messing with you! If it bothered them so much, they'd correct people. As it is, my guess is that they sincerely don't mind, or they do and they're doing it to F with people.

Signed, a twin.

[Anonymous]

hi OP, how about getting them a necklace, earrings or a bracelet with their names, so people can differentiate them that way....I have fraternal twin boys and people have problems even telling them apart even though I never dress them in the same outfits. It is very difficult for "outsiders" to tell twins apart and I think that after a while the twins just let it pass when they are called the wrong name.

[Anonymous]

Is everyone on this this thread an only child? Lol. I respond to "Larla" (my name), "Larlette" (my sister's name), "Larlo" (my brother's name), "Hey You", "Child", "Miss Teacher", "Violin Teacher", ect. And this is from my own parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, parent's friends, people at church, my students and so on.

I know who I am. And I understand and respond to people I know are talking to me, regardless of what I'm called. I don't feel a need to correct anyone.

[Anonymous]

Some truly like being twins. It's a separate bond that none of us can understand.

I have a pair of twins that I am best friends with. Both also had sets of twins, plus a singleton. The twin bond is insane. They think of their aunts as their mom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I went to school with a set of twins who all the way through high school stayed as the twins. They looked identical, shared the same wardrobe, and had the same hair style. They talked the same, did the same sport, and rally had no identifying features. They were always together and they loved being identical twins.

It was a little strange that neither ever wanted to be an individual. No one could tell them apart and they played that up to be as similar as possible. I haven't seen them since high school but always found it strange how they had no individual identity. They had an older brother and he always said he couldn't tell them apart either. They were always referred to as the "last name" twins or if we were speaking just one of them we used their last name. No one even tried to use their first names.

Same here, except we didn’t use their last name. It was “the twins” or “Karla & Larla” because their nicknames rhymed. I had classes with each of them so if I paid attention I could know them apart for a day based on clothing or maybe if one had her hair in a ponytail that day. But otherwise I never knew who was who. Sweet girls though.

[Anonymous]

My father was an identical twin who went by "the twins".

It was the greatest psychological barrier he had to overcome in his lifetime. It hindered his development of a separate personality. He wishes his mother had dressed him different from his twin.

Regardless of what your twins say they want, its your job to decide what's in their best interest. Differentiating in every way possible is in their best interest. Do what you can to help that happen. Different shoes embroidered names on the back of their shirts, whatever. Give them the best start you can by helping people know who is who.

[Anonymous]

As a twin mom the lengths people go to “separate their bond” is infuriating. They are twins. They know who they are. They know their names. They just messing with you.