Allow identical twins to answer to wrong name?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My father was an identical twin who went by "the twins".

It was the greatest psychological barrier he had to overcome in his lifetime. It hindered his development of a separate personality. He wishes his mother had dressed him different from his twin.

Regardless of what your twins say they want, its your job to decide what's in their best interest. Differentiating in every way possible is in their best interest. Do what you can to help that happen. Different shoes embroidered names on the back of their shirts, whatever. Give them the best start you can by helping people know who is who.

Forcing either extreme isn’t the best choice. Allowing the kids to decide what they want, within reason, seems to be the best approach. Forcing haircuts and never allowing them to choose to dress alike seems as terrible as forcing them to look the same. Not sure why this is so difficult to see.

[Anonymous]

If they don't care and they aren't doing it to trick anyone, then I don't think you need to force the distinction.

I mix up my non-twin girls from time to time, they are quick to correct me!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My father was an identical twin who went by "the twins".

It was the greatest psychological barrier he had to overcome in his lifetime. It hindered his development of a separate personality. He wishes his mother had dressed him different from his twin.

Regardless of what your twins say they want, its your job to decide what's in their best interest. Differentiating in every way possible is in their best interest. Do what you can to help that happen. Different shoes embroidered names on the back of their shirts, whatever. Give them the best start you can by helping people know who is who.

Forcing either extreme isn’t the best choice. Allowing the kids to decide what they want, within reason, seems to be the best approach. Forcing haircuts and never allowing them to choose to dress alike seems as terrible as forcing them to look the same. Not sure why this is so difficult to see.

Poster you're quoting. I never said she should force them to wear different clothes or hair do's. Not sure why this is difficult to see.

I simply think it's in the children's best interest to have strangers able to differentiate between them. I've seen the serious adult damage two twins have suffered due to adults' lack of foresight on this issue. Unless you actually know identical twins who are glad people couldn't tell them apart, I think your experience is significantly less relevant.

[Anonymous]

Why don't you ask them why they are doing it? Hey, I've noticed that.......

Maybe it's just a "shrug, who cares it's only this weekend with these family members" kind of thing. And if that's the case, I don't see much wrong with it, really. Maybe they just think it's funny, in which case I might make the distinction for them of minor occurrences being funny but there's a point where it's not funny.

[Anonymous]

What about a brooch with their initial? Or necklace with their initial. Something big enough that others would see it easily. Doesn't have to be as big as the L on Laverne's shirt! (assuming they have different initials).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What about a brooch with their initial? Or necklace with their initial. Something big enough that others would see it easily. Doesn't have to be as big as the L on Laverne's shirt! (assuming they have different initials).

How many seven year olds do you see wearing BROOCHES in 2019, Grandma?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What about a brooch with their initial? Or necklace with their initial. Something big enough that others would see it easily. Doesn't have to be as big as the L on Laverne's shirt! (assuming they have different initials).

How many seven year olds do you see wearing BROOCHES in 2019, Grandma?

IKR

[Anonymous]

Not exactly the same situation but my sister and I (NOT twins) look similar enough that people around our hometown rarely got the right name for us when they ran into us without our family. It irritated us both a little but we rarely bothered to correct people when whatever was being discussed wasn’t person-specific. It just took to much effort and embarrassed whoever we were talking to. We had no problem telling people “oh actually I’m the other one” if the situation demanded it.

My mother is an identical twin (but one has a distinctive scar from a childhood injury so they are usually only ever mistaken for each other over the phone). They have close to identical hair cuts to this day, but never wore identical clothes because it effectively cut their closet space in half — if you want to encourage individuality, maybe just refuse to buy matching clothes? “Oh, you both like that dress? Great! I’ll buy one and you can take turns wearing it.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My father was an identical twin who went by "the twins".

It was the greatest psychological barrier he had to overcome in his lifetime. It hindered his development of a separate personality. He wishes his mother had dressed him different from his twin.

Regardless of what your twins say they want, its your job to decide what's in their best interest. Differentiating in every way possible is in their best interest. Do what you can to help that happen. Different shoes embroidered names on the back of their shirts, whatever. Give them the best start you can by helping people know who is who.

Forcing either extreme isn’t the best choice. Allowing the kids to decide what they want, within reason, seems to be the best approach. Forcing haircuts and never allowing them to choose to dress alike seems as terrible as forcing them to look the same. Not sure why this is so difficult to see.

Poster you're quoting. I never said she should force them to wear different clothes or hair do's. Not sure why this is difficult to see.

I simply think it's in the children's best interest to have strangers able to differentiate between them. I've seen the serious adult damage two twins have suffered due to adults' lack of foresight on this issue. Unless you actually know identical twins who are glad people couldn't tell them apart, I think your experience is significantly less relevant.

You said differentiate in every way possible on a thread that earlier suggested forcing them into separate haircuts. It sounded like you meant differentiate in every way possible, now it sounds like you’re saying correct people if they use the wrong name.

Either way, forcing any version of the right way of being twins onto a child seems like a bad way to parent if it’s not what the kids want.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your girls are fine. They will correct people when they want to. My boys are 4 yrs apart and have a 70 lb weight difference. They can choose if they want to correct relatives who get their names mixed up. Sometimes they do, sometimes they don't.

Don't force your dds to get different haircuts. The color shirts was enough.

And they aren't being rude! (some people here are high strung, wow)

I don’t think people are saying that they are rude in not correcting. I think people are challenging the idea that politeness requires the girls to just roll with the wrong name thing, which it absolutely does not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How can you insist that family and friends get the names right?

In a large family / friend situation -- I think by answering to either name they are just being polite.

+1 Your girls are being polite.

There is nothing polite about pretending to be someone else. It's polite to just say "I'm Susan".

Have you never met twins?

This are is inundated with twins--it's nothing special. Every one of my kids' teams has had one (once even two) sets of twins for the last 6 yrs. I've met tons of twins. There is nothing polite in not saying who you are if someone accidentally calls you by the wrong name. Being a twin is irrelevant--don't you correct people if they mistake you for someone else?

[Anonymous]

I haven’t read through all the comments, but I knew a set of very identical twins in college. They had the same hairstyle, but parted on different sides. One had an L in her name and so parted on the left, and the other had an R in her name so parted on the right.
Even if it doesn’t work out with the letters- it’s still an easy thing to part left and right.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How can you insist that family and friends get the names right?

In a large family / friend situation -- I think by answering to either name they are just being polite.

+1 Your girls are being polite.

There is nothing polite about pretending to be someone else. It's polite to just say "I'm Susan".

Have you never met twins?

This are is inundated with twins--it's nothing special. Every one of my kids' teams has had one (once even two) sets of twins for the last 6 yrs. I've met tons of twins. There is nothing polite in not saying who you are if someone accidentally calls you by the wrong name. Being a twin is irrelevant--don't you correct people if they mistake you for someone else?

Identical twins? I doubt it. That's the issue here. Not fraternal twins.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Our identical twins are .... very identical. DH and I can tell them apart by their walk, their stance, things people who don't know them well won't pick up on. They each have a best friend, and those girls get it right slightly over 50% of the time. Maybe 75% of the time. DH and I get it wrong probably once every 50 times. They are seven.

Family friends and extended family have no idea which girl is which, at all. DH and I noticed that over Thanksgiving, when one girl would get called the wrong name, they would just ... answer and pretend to be that twin. I am not sure how I feel about this. DH and I try to help people out. "H is wearing purple, S is wearing light blue." But they don't remember. We even tried to make things easy by bringing ALL purple shirts for H and ALL blue tops for S.

Do we tell the girls to cut it out? I think they're just tired of it. Or do we insist they be recognized for themselves?

Np How would you punish them? I think you are overreacting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What about a brooch with their initial? Or necklace with their initial. Something big enough that others would see it easily. Doesn't have to be as big as the L on Laverne's shirt! (assuming they have different initials).

How many seven year olds do you see wearing BROOCHES in 2019, Grandma?

IKR

The brooch is funny. But the necklace is a good idea.