Allow identical twins to answer to wrong name?

[Anonymous]

Our identical twins are .... very identical. DH and I can tell them apart by their walk, their stance, things people who don't know them well won't pick up on. They each have a best friend, and those girls get it right slightly over 50% of the time. Maybe 75% of the time. DH and I get it wrong probably once every 50 times. They are seven.

Family friends and extended family have no idea which girl is which, at all. DH and I noticed that over Thanksgiving, when one girl would get called the wrong name, they would just ... answer and pretend to be that twin. I am not sure how I feel about this. DH and I try to help people out. "H is wearing purple, S is wearing light blue." But they don't remember. We even tried to make things easy by bringing ALL purple shirts for H and ALL blue tops for S.

Do we tell the girls to cut it out? I think they're just tired of it. Or do we insist they be recognized for themselves?

[Anonymous]

Cut their hair differently.

[Anonymous]

How can you insist that family and friends get the names right?

In a large family / friend situation -- I think by answering to either name they are just being polite.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Cut their hair differently.

Yes. Differentiate their appearance somehow. They're getting old enough that this is weird.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How can you insist that family and friends get the names right?

In a large family / friend situation -- I think by answering to either name they are just being polite.

+1 Your girls are being polite.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Cut their hair differently.

Yes. Differentiate their appearance somehow. They're getting old enough that this is weird.

We can't. They like having matching hair. Neither wants bangs. Neither wants layers or different lengths. We will do a ponytail on one and pigtail braids on another, or a lavender scrunchie for one and blue for the other.

[Anonymous]

I would let it go. Soon enough they will have different styles, different personalities, different interests, different mannerisms etc.

Just encourage their individuality and let them be their own person.

Also be sure you aren't buying identical clothes in two different colors

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Cut their hair differently.

Yes. Differentiate their appearance somehow. They're getting old enough that this is weird.

Agree, I'd be so upset if I couldn't tell my nieces, granddaughters etc apart.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How can you insist that family and friends get the names right?

In a large family / friend situation -- I think by answering to either name they are just being polite.

+1 Your girls are being polite.

We have told them repeatedly, to say "I'm Spencer," and in school they generally do, or with their friends. But it just seemed like they gave up this weekend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would let it go. Soon enough they will have different styles, different personalities, different interests, different mannerisms etc.

Just encourage their individuality and let them be their own person.

Also be sure you aren't buying identical clothes in two different colors

We do, because this is what they both want. The minute that one doesn't want that, we won't do it. And they don't always wear the same thing on the same day anyway.

[Anonymous]

Have you ever asked them if it bothers them that even family members and close friends confuse them sometimes? If yes, then you can brainstorm ways to look different like haircuts/dye, etc. I wouldn't insist that my 7 year olds correct older relatives all day when their best friends can barely tell them apart. What's the point?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How can you insist that family and friends get the names right?

In a large family / friend situation -- I think by answering to either name they are just being polite.

+1 Your girls are being polite.

We have told them repeatedly, to say "I'm Spencer," and in school they generally do, or with their friends. But it just seemed like they gave up this weekend.

Maybe they did give up if they were getting constantly mixed up. They are not answering to the wrong name with their friends and at school where they have more contact with people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Cut their hair differently.

Yes. Differentiate their appearance somehow. They're getting old enough that this is weird.

We can't. They like having matching hair. Neither wants bangs. Neither wants layers or different lengths. We will do a ponytail on one and pigtail braids on another, or a lavender scrunchie for one and blue for the other.

You are only encouraging they don’t have individual identities. Pick out four different hairstyles and have them each choose. If they choose the same one flip a coin and make one choose their next favorite. Hopefully in the future they will feel like they can express themselves without feeling like they have to match.

Or continue on and Hanna will continue to answer to Hanna or Sara or the twins. And Sara will continue to answer to Sara or Hanna or the twins. Like that’s normal...

[Anonymous]

Your girls are either being polite, or they are starting to realize that they can pretend to be the other child which is part of the fun of having a twin. I wouldn't mark them somehow with a different haircut - God has already done that somehow. I'm actually shocked that as her parents you guys don't know the difference.

[Anonymous]

OP, reading your additional responses it sounds like they LIKE being very identical right now. It's a special bond they have. As long as both are on board, I don't think you have a problem right now.