Stop! Don’t feed the...kid! Nice way to handle?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"Is your goal to kill her?"
"Can you explain why you keep choosing to harm our child?"

I'd tell her to go to Hell if she spoke to me like this and she has not told me about her child's condition!

OP, get some professional help for yourself immediately because you are going to do serious emotional and mental harm to your DD!

OMG. Again, medical condition. Not a dietary issue, OP said she's working with doctors and nutritionists.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How about you say: "I know you mean well, but Larla has a medical condition please don’t give her extra cake or please ask me first. "

Except maybe say "extra food"

I think that you probably want to say "any food". In my experience, what people think are appropriate portion sizes, or what they think is "regular" vs. "extra" is really varied. So, I'd say "She has a medical issue where we need to be very aware of and careful about what she eats. Please do not give her any food without checking with us first." and then emphasize this by making sure they see that you are really the ones making all the food decisions (e.g. don't ask them to babysit and tell them that today's it's ok that they just serve whatever).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think you need to be direct, yet neutral and not worry about nice. This is a health and behavioral issue, not just a preference, though I think those should be respected too.

+1. It’s not clear from your post whether they know about metabolic disorder. I know you’re under no obligation to discuss her health issue, but if she had an allergy, you would tell everyone very directly that she has allergy to x and cannot be given anything with X. Same with metabolic disorder and is on strict diet, under no circumstance feed her. A grandma may sneak her a peace of cake if she thinks it’s crazy mom’s whims, she would nunchucks more reluctant to do so if it’s doctor’s orders not to. It just changes the whole ballgame.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Have you apologized to the person you blew up at? Similar situation happened in a mom group I am and that mom pretty much got shunned by a lot of people because of it. You don't want this to be you. Plus, I noticed people discounted her because of her ridiculous behavior. I'm glad you're in therapy.

Shunned? Are you in a group of teenagers? Please tell me you aren’t as emotionally immature as you are coming across in your post,

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m bordering on crazy control freak mom. What’s a nice way to handle this in advance?

DD is 4 and has a metabolic disorder. One side effect is increased appetite which causes rapid weight gain. She doesn’t quite understand but we are working with doctors, child psychologist, dietitian and a plan to manage the weight while they get medical condition under control. We caught it early so with (a lot of) work, DD can have normal quality of life and get ahead of complications.

Our dietitian has a plan that allows for normal kid things like a cupcake at a birthday party, work around snack at preschool etc. The goal is to feel normal and not restricted but manage everything else.

That said -she’s still 4. Other parents, grandparents etc are making this 1000X harder. Giving her extra cake when we aren’t looking, offering lollipops, juice, huge portions and treating her like their kids who are stringbeans that subsist on chicken nuggets and goldfish.

What’s a nice way to say: I know you mean well, but Larla has a medical condition please don’t give her extra cake or please ask me first.

The dietitian said to make it sound like a life or death allergy.

I went crazy the other day. Not my finest hour... I’m going to therapy for it too..

If your kid is coming to my place, I will ask you if there are any food restrictions. I know a good number of ids with allergies. If you tell me to limit snacks or only to provide certain types of snacks for health reasons, I will happily comply. If I forget to ask, I won’t be offended if you send me a text or email saying “DD has a medical issue that requires a special diet. Please don’t feed her X but if you have Y that is great.”

I would hope that other parents are doing the same thing but who knows.

[Anonymous]

Tell people she’s diabetic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Tell people she’s diabetic.

It's true that sometimes you need to medicalize a condition in terms folks will understand. In this case, I imagine that your explanation leaves people thinking that you are restricting calories out of your own projected vanity. And this is entirely unfair.

People will understand diabetes. Is it true? No. Will it help you get the results you want? Yes.

So, she has diabetes until you sort this thing out.

[Anonymous]

Tell them her medical condition. It doesn't need to be a secret. Say that Larla has xyz condition and that her doctor has asked you to closely watch her diet so that she doesn't develop complications and unusual weight gain for her age.

I have hypothyroidism and Hashimotos, and will gain five pounds +a week if I eat "normally" like other people, even while medicated.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tell people she’s diabetic.

It's true that sometimes you need to medicalize a condition in terms folks will understand. In this case, I imagine that your explanation leaves people thinking that you are restricting calories out of your own projected vanity. And this is entirely unfair.

People will understand diabetes. Is it true? No. Will it help you get the results you want? Yes.

So, she has diabetes until you sort this thing out.

Disagree with this. Although you could frame it as, she has a disease/disorder like diabetes that requires a controlled diet. Here is a snack for her, she can eat only this, nothing else.

[Anonymous]

My child was diagnosed with a Type 1 Diabetes before starting preschool. We count carbs to accurately dose insulin. It is very challenging for T1Ds to engage in what I call “recreational eating.” The little cupcake or treat here or there outside of meals wreaks havoc on blood sugar.

Tell everyone, including your child, no food unless preapproved by a parent. Make sure your child understands this. We taught our 2 year old not to say she had to check with mommy or daddy. Make all school staff aware this is a SeRIOUS MEDICAL condition, the child will not grow out of it.

Have a plan how you will handle the nonstop treats for school birthdays, holiday parties and birthday party.

Explain to your child it is ok to be different. No two people are the same, everyone is different. Sometimes we can’t do what everyone else is doing. But, provide an age appropriate alternative. Explain these things in advance. There will be tears, but sometimes knowing in advance and having an alternative “treat” to look forward to can make all the difference.

There are so many more food allergies then when we grew up that it will be very unlikely your child will be the only one not eating or bringing their own food.

Good luck.

[Anonymous]

For simplicity I would say she’s diabetic. People understand that and they know it’s dangerous to give diabetic kids foods they aren’t supposed to have.

This also gives you cover if you give her a cupcake at a birthday party. People will think you need to monitor her sugar and insulin so she doesn’t have a life threatening problem. It’s really close to the truth and understandable to everyone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tell people she’s diabetic.

It's true that sometimes you need to medicalize a condition in terms folks will understand. In this case, I imagine that your explanation leaves people thinking that you are restricting calories out of your own projected vanity. And this is entirely unfair.

People will understand diabetes. Is it true? No. Will it help you get the results you want? Yes.

So, she has diabetes until you sort this thing out.

Except that what her kid needs, which is no food except from parents, could be life threatening to a diabetic child, who needs something really different which is access to food immediately when their blood sugar is low.

So, telling people she has diabetes might or might not solve OP's problem, but it also creates a dangerous situation for the next diabetic kid that she meets.

OP needs to explain to people that this is en par with food allergies and then act as if it really is. So, if grandparents sneak food then they are never alone with her. If you see someone offering her something at a party, across the room, stop them and remind them that what they are doing is dangerous.

[Anonymous]

I would just bring her own food everywhere. Pp is right that people understand that kids have peanut allergies and milk allergies or are being raised vegan or xyz.
If she is going to a birthday party, send her her own special meal and treat. She will probably not be the only kid there in this situation. Saying that she can have one cupcake but not two is confusing to everyone. When you are there, or when she is older and can manage these nuances on her own, then she can have a little of what everyone else is having. For right now, she has her own food packed by you, and nothing else.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would just bring her own food everywhere. Pp is right that people understand that kids have peanut allergies and milk allergies or are being raised vegan or xyz.
If she is going to a birthday party, send her her own special meal and treat. She will probably not be the only kid there in this situation. Saying that she can have one cupcake but not two is confusing to everyone. When you are there, or when she is older and can manage these nuances on her own, then she can have a little of what everyone else is having. For right now, she has her own food packed by you, and nothing else.

How is this confusing? Why does a 4 year old need more than one cupcake? I have hosted over 10 children’s parties between two kids. Literally every time a child has asked me for a second cupcake or slice of cake my first response is “ask your mom/dad”.

[Anonymous]

My child has a lethal nut and peanut allergy and ADHD, which means he forgets to check ingredients himself, and to bring his epipen. Not a happy combination.

I would say exactly what the problem is, and insist heavily. Any person not in compliance gets the boot.

I really do not care what people think of me. My son is atypical enough that I’ve had to get past that. We’ve had fights with friends and relatives who think ADHD is made-up, who think we’re crazy to be so vigilant about his food... but ultimately it’s on us, his parents, to protect and teach him about his life-threatening issues.